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Monday, 31 January 2011


Emotions are so unpredictable things. They can make human putty in their hands without allowing their humanity, wisdom's traits, and all the goody goody ones that usualy entail in human as the best creature of the universe.

In those glance moments, we are no different than any kindergarten student who doesnt know how to differentiate A to Z. But like any other super Heroes. We are also prone to our weakness. And the effects are so dire. Since in those swift moments, we are going to depend on our Id, Ego and Superego (*read theories of Psychoanalysis in Freudian theory).

And sometimes, from those very short events, people will decree our characters. As unfair as it is, but thats us. Human. We do judge each others harshly, Homo Homoni Lupus, people eats people. Well i am not a Freudian and definitely i am also not a sociologist, i am just seeing the spectrums in this world from my own corner. The lil tinny greenery corner of the world. But what i see so far, including my own self experience, emotions are the anomalies in our self. The x type in this universe.

And seeing people who control their emotions to be so plain, is a luxurious treat for me. Since i almost never see it.

Sometimes i even text my BFF and asking them to lemme know the locations of any ATM places for withdrawing patient. Because i think, patient is one of my lack in life. At least if i have more, it will be better he he he.

I mean i dont want to be un-able too control my own self huh? And let other people to say "Gooose Frabaaaaa" like the famous line in Anger Management.

Friday, 28 January 2011

My Kinda Man
My Green Man
My Menhir Man

When someone ask me bout my Prince Charming's criterias, i will rebuke them by a statement like, "All the good men are taken or gay!" but actualy like any red blooded woman on this earth, i do have my own dream man to be dreamed to have. He should be so tall to tower me, with a nice timbre voice, big burly hands, two pointed ears and green skin......euuuuy thats SHREEEEEEEK! Zap it of....its not right, he must be tall and big so he can protect me from the sun and rain, with two cuttie pie of braids, nice smile and a rough and rumbling voice.....sheeeesh that will be OBELIX. Well seriously beibahs..i am a normal girl, with a dream of my wedding that i want to have someday and a kind of man to take my hands for eternity till death do us part. But like all kind of dreams, it's only happening when i am asleep, in which lately the hibernation that i realy loveee has been voted by many people surround me as the most degrading activity found after giving a candy to kiddy without their parents' consents.

But basicaly, whatever are my criterias, if you are my man, then you are the one. You are Baby....the man that has all those criterias that i long for, besides, Jose Morinho, George Clooney, Sean Connery, Etc hehehehe. Love to love you Baby.

I Miss You

Have you ever felt missing, longing, moaning of a presence and a thing in your life? Something that feels like wrecking your gut out into pieces when whatever you are longing for is not there to be reached about? That next breathe is almost impossible to be done without a help from a breathing's mask? Or you are comparing yourself like a big fatty fish thats me lol, stranded on the ground, without any sight of water surround it.

Those feelings that just simplifying nee as an addicted, a gal in a limbo. A stage that noone, i repeat, no one in their right mind is willing to be put in it. But its happening now.
The gut wrenching experience, that i cant withhold inside myself. That my emotions inside are trying to conquer my human existency. Ya's hard. Even crying for a help wont bring any solution. I am doomed to face it alone...lonely in solitude.

As much as i try to open my soul and deepest side, no one can understand and able to accept it.

Ya Allah....give mercy......i just miss, want, crave to drink tutu huwaaaa huwaaaaaaa.

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

Your Love Blinds You

Many people believe that love is a bless from Allah. Well i am also those people who believe it. I even think that to love and to be loved should be put in any rules in the world, or even in the universe.

But in here, my country, something surprising comes from that beautiful feeling, love. Many people here are "blind" lol. Not the special kinds of blind, but they are blinded for any fault that their loved one do.

In the name of love a parent will sue the teacher for giving some scolds to their kid. In the name of love, a mother will not teach their children independency. In the name of love, a man will do corruptive things to heap luxurious things for his love ones. In the name of love, a granny will not allow her grandchild to walk in which will shortened the ages of our youngsters. In the name of love for life, people do any bad things for their namesakes.

Well you can argue with me, who the hell is nee, to dare oppose those high almighty people who think that they are above approach? Yes, it's true....i am nothing. But at least, when i love someone or something, i will never ever close my eyes and consciences for their mistakes. That's not love, that's hypocrecy. Love will only make people to be a better one whether they are the object or the subject of it.

So, folks....think it again, is it love that caused you to do those things? Is it not an ego, a pride, a possesive way, or just purely a way to show people that you are a loving person while infact you are a neurotic basket case one hehehehe, just like me sometime.....just some time.

Sunday, 23 January 2011

Flick of Wrist

Somehow in my life, past, present and future events or thoughts collide together in a heap. They just swarm outside of my head without any chance for me, the master of the body, soul and mind to shout, "Objection, Sire!" it seems Allah just love to remind me again and again that HE is the sole owner of this lil ole nee. Just with a flick of HIS hand, HE can change everything, subhanallah -Glory Be To Allah. ...Though i know, HE does it with love of A Creator toward HIS creations. But, it still creeps the hell out of me when i cant do the right thing when the moment comes. And tough as a nail i feel bout myself, i do break somehow * believe it, i am a teary pot if you ever seen one, nee is able to cry for any weird occasion, so you just name it*

But the question is still there, if we do believe HE is the one who gives all the things in life for us, due to our own efforts. Why some people are questioning HIS wisdoms? Some even try to run away to destroy themselves, the best creature of HIM?
Why do i have these questions? Because lately i see, watch and hear people with problems in their life. And they end up hurting themselves to find an imagery little piece of heaven on this earth. Dont get me wrong, i am still learning bout life, till i will be put 6' under the ground to be the best dinner for mr. And mrs. Worms, but do we have to hurt ourself just to forget we do have those problems?

When i told you i had my share of problems, its not trying to brag or laundrying my sheets in front of others, or even trying to picturing myself as the best survival of this Earth's problems. But do lemme know who in the right mind of their brain will say they are far away from problems after 36 years of living?

In my simple mind now, everything is happening to a good caused for a good reason. We just need the time to heal us and reveal the answers if we just to numb to act. Let nature does their best in healing all the problems. But if you are a fighter, find the best solution for you based on any belief you have in mind. And since nee is not realy a fighter, i will let nature soothe my pains while i do my best.

Saturday, 22 January 2011

Chili Oh Chili
It comes in 2 colors red and green, most people believe the red one is hottest one, its a lie, the green can be killing our tongue.

I was shocked to my toes *and such beautiful toes as far as i am concerned lol* sowiii for straying.....the price of chili - a small tinny thing that gives us hot taste in our tongue, that in many cartoon, it will make your ears blowing smokes - is sooooo expensive. The usual prices per kilo was around 10,000 Rupiahs -lesson for today, Rupiah is Indonesia's currency, and yes, i am Indonesian folks! And proud to be one of them.

But now, the price is flying up high into the ceiling. It is going to cost us, the chili's addicters *my own words* to take around 100,000 Rupiahs per kilo. Ouch....ouch thats tooooooo much huh? And no other way around it beibahs.

Due to the addictions of my people are already in the latest stage, there wont be any rehabilitation institutions able to cure them. The symptoms of those addicted people are easily to be spot in many restaurants, foodcourts, and food places in here. Some of the symptomps that i could get from my secret missions are:
1. Glassy eyes whenever they eat without chili.
2. Whining and complaining since the food is not hot burning with chili taste.
3. Lost their appetites.
4. Keep on listening to the radio for checking the news of chili's prices in the market.

After my observations for sometimes, i do realise there is one of the most horrid addicter. She even took a picture of chili, the red and green ones from Mr. Google. Whenever she eats, she will try to peek the pic from her cellphone, and it will be followed with a big and long sighing....hufffh. I do know what does she think, everytime she does the ritual. Do you know why? Because she is huwaaaaaa. i feel like in AA's meeting, standing and saying, "Hi guys, i am nee, i am not realy a chili addict....huwaaaa."

Friday, 21 January 2011

The 10% of Our Life

Last Friday, in my sad time, i discussed somethin with one of my BFF in the office. We were discussing bout how life passes by with our age goes by and our un-ending fight with gravitation *pssst all women will face these phases hiks....,

On our free time after sharing two boxes of lunch of Nasi Campur - a traditional food from Java, a mixture of rice with all the dishes heap on the side - we were starting the discussion with her questions, the usual one, how did i able to make a great bond
with all of our clients in my job but not able to snatch one of them to be my lovely wedded hubby?

In which before i started open my big mouth, she launched bout her friends' stories. How her friends have a strong believe to life as you can. That somehow i do agree to some extents. Never ask a gift from a horse's mouth, thats what i also agree. Though at this time of era, where can i find a horse if not in a farming area???? Sheeeeeeesh sowiiiii for straying from the topic.

Come back to her stories, one of her friends told her to take 10% of our live to make ourself happy. Just to make us happy. Just being selfish for ourself. How right is it? To make it sure that ourself is happy, content and secure. Not doin anyone's bide. not act to the sound of others' whistle. Just enjoy what you like. Only 10% of our live's spams.

I wish all people apply those understandings in their lives to redemp any possibility of getting a mental breakdown that in the end will cater you to a white jacket....euuuuuuy Allah forbids.

I am having my luxurious time in wishing my countrymen not to be so prudish and more free with themselves. I mean, if we dont break any rules of religions, beliefs, norms, culture and society, why not? Dont have any qualm in jumping into the "10% of our fun" beibaaaah.

It will realy make the world a better world...amen.

My Strawberry Shrubs

Here we go beibs, i am going to launch a big secret that is not supposed to be revealed. Its related to my brain, the sacred brain of nee.

But the main question will be, "Does nee have a brain at all?" ROTFLOL....

Basicaly when The Big Guy created all human kind, HE did put a lil whitey brain inside my skull. I do believe HE even asked me do i want to have a bigger memory and storage or not? In meek voice, i do remember , i said "Yes, puhleazzz."

But in the long run, after the creation process, from Heaven to this Earth, the memory and storage of the brains are shrinking and pruning ready to burst.

And after 36 years of living, my grey's cells (*Sherlock Holmes) were starting to give me a red alert that actualy i dont have a brain huwaaaa huwaaaaa. It was occupied with many monkeys played drums in a space of my brain. No wonder i get a lot of problems in life of scholars, not that i am considering myself as one of them, mind you. Seeing these facts, i said to my Baby, to trade-in my head, but since he was sooooo worry if i took a head of cat to trade-in my monkeys, he said vehemently,

"Sweetheart, dont you dare to replace your lovely head with a head of a cat! Find another thing, puhleass, just leave the head intact."

Following his suggestion, i just traded-in my monkeys with some strawberry shrubs. And do you know what? Now I can write STRAWBERRY perfectly....yipppee. And....strawberry is written with DOUBLE R beibs.

From Last Night....

Yesterday was started with 2 big things that make my lil tinny winny brain ponder them a lot. Ouch....ouch i did promise you bout a story of my brain ya? Not that all of you care bout it, but i do insist since Promise Given Is Promise Taken.....sheeeesh womaaaaan, stop fidgeting to tell the story.

Well lemme start it than. Once upon a time....euuuuy wrong starter hehehehe. Seriously, please somebody cracks open my skull puhleaaaaaz to see my brainless organ LMAO.

Okay....okay....enough folks...dont get your dander up. Its never good for your blood presure or heart *wink-wink* yesterday i started my day as usual, turned on my chatting to talk with my Baby, suddenly one of my friends dropped by on my screen. At first he was greeting me with all the pleasantries, but in the end, the most horrible questions ever created;

"Why you dont get wary with your single status??? And why you dont try to find someone?"

He started to preach on me with his ways. Do not get me wrong, for me to be advised or preached bout from all kinds, ages, ethnics, or religions are very much acceptable. The only thing that tick me is the way to state the views. Are they letting it known as nice as it is or not.

But in this case, he was trashing and condemning my way.

And in the evening, i closed the day with un-answerable question, still related with my way of thinkings.

Well mayhap or definitely i dont want to repeat yesterday experience again. It left me out with bitter taste in knowing that my abilities to discuss like an adult is still not good enough. In my believe, never come in any discussion with emotion, and i am not able to do it yet. I am still learning to be a better one.

Wednesday, 19 January 2011


People can do those things.
When other things are better.
While smilling and singing are nicer.
Be a happy harpy nee, rather than feeling so down.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

One Day

One day, i will have a strength to face these demons in mine.
One day, i will move forward from my pains, one step at a time.
One day, i will get my muse to build my Taj presentation of love to people in my life.......
But, just not today, just not today....
I promise you, even if i'll die in trying to make those happens i will. Just bear with me.

Saturday, 8 January 2011


I have known my friends in the office since the first day of my working. We have shared everything,from loosing a boyfriend, being rejected by someone, being stabbed by someone close by, loosing babies, realizing no chance in having babies, being left by a father and many other trivial and menial things also. In all those things, we always stick together to see it through. But now, when i am the one in the end of the receiver, to get a help, to get a lifebuoy....hmmm its damn difficult. Its humbling me, to show how "poorly" is my condition. How nee is on the edge of the edges.

Actually, the knowledge that i need all the supports and helps from others, are not something new for me. But opening up to others and showing your vulnerable side, arghhhhhh......believe me, its so embarrassing, since it means *in my lil head* that i am such a creep.

Funny how today, all those things that i have in mind, do not matter anymore. Seeing first hands, how my friends and family try to be persistent in their decisions, while i try to avoid it, finally make me tired.....for the love of all; my Nanny, family, best friends, me, and my Baby....i will go to find a help. I will try to make it through....with the bless of ALLAH Subhana Wa Ta Allah.