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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Everything And Anything

Human is such a fickle creature. We need to hold the reigns in any situation. Somehow in those moments of obscenities we forget that we are not the Owner of this live. We are merely the pupets of His many strings in live. That each of us has our own script to be taken seriously till the curtains drop to end our scenes.

Those understandings lame as it is, but that is the basic and utmost understanding if you are a moslem. Be ikhlas....and be gratefull all of the times. And my lovelies, those are soooooo d#mn difficult. No pun intended or trying to be so brash, just stating a fact. It is going to be easier to trash around for any misfortune that comes upon us and emanating negative vibes afterward. But that is not the point my lovelies. We are learning to be tawadduk, be a good subject, be a sub-serviant creature in front of Rabb for He has promised the love if we can face His world and the wrath if we disobey His ways.

Are we being a submissive by following His path? NOPE...just being a responsible person. Responsible with the life that has been lent to you by Him. Does He need all those respects, bows and pretentious acts to show His Power over the living and the world just like a juxtapox character in 1 scene play? is for our own sake....for our soul needs that path toward Him to feel at ease.

So as much as these turn out events shake me to the core, pray for me my lovelies....that my soul will always protect me to walk on His and only His path, amien. I pray you are the same there my lovelies....i pray the same for you.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013


Tonight i experience a nice and touchy experience that i even do not know how to react. It is started with my  visitation time to the hospi to see one of my sisters in law. She is being admitted in the hospi due to a surgery plan on the day of tomorrow  Since 2 weeks ago we found out that she has a malign CA in one of her organ. SubhanAllah. Her children are still young. They are still about 11-10 years old. And this news shattered all of our hearts. CA always is, right? It brings again my two expi with CA. Yes my lovelies like i said in one of my upload that i am a survival of CA. But that is not the thing why i write this..I write this because somehow my brother and his wife educate their children about this event on the morrow in the most simple thing in the easiest way without trying to cover up their gentle ages but also not trying to put the whole gorries. And these exchange dialogues that makes me shock, amaze and a lil bit carried away. These dialogues below were happening in the time they start to go home after the visiting hours is finish:

Mom                         - "Pray for mommy okay. Pray Allah Ya Rabb to meet us again."
Kaka (1st kids)       - "Mommy i will surely miss You. Be well soon and if You are well later on,       do not forget to buy me a Samsung tablet, pwease."
Luqman (2nd kids) - "Love You mommy, be well pwease, we will see You again right?"
Hanif (3rd kids)      - "Mommy lets pray together that Rabb wont put You in RIP in the operation room ya. Promise us to open Your eyes when the operation is finish!"
Mom                     - "InsyaAllah Yes.....i will open my eyes after the operation and we can face the next treatments ."

Ya Allah.....Your Subjects are solely Yours but Ya Allah....can i ask Your strength for all of us in facing this situation? Do not let our din be weakened due to our love and emotion toward my sister in law. And with Your permission, give her a chance to see her children grow till later days....

And those prayers from my niece and nephews reminded me so much toward my own demanding and threatening prayers when i was a kid seeing my mom in her dying bed (rest her soul). Unfortunately or extremely i ended by making a bargain with me as the collateral to help my mom's soul. And i lost since He is  the Decker, the Player and also The Winner. That was my first and hopefully never again war toward Him because He did not fulfill my wishes though He said in all his Books to ask everything and anything to Him. Astaghf irullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah..... hopefully none of You my lovelies nor the family of mine ever expi such a silly notion bout life, amien. Life is not our playground to be taken it for granted with Allah as our nanny to fulfill all our whims. Life is more about the place we are studying to be a better subject of Him. To make Him and all His Messengers proud with our constant effort in being good, as it has been agreed by our own soul before He put us in this world.

Friday, 12 April 2013

26 Days To Go

Hi my the next 26 days i will meet my love.....for the very first time. No need to pose the jaw dropping emoticon pweaseeee. It is only a live. A phase or path in my life that i have taken with open eyes though i was not preparing or dreaming of it to be happened to me. If you are my long time lovelies i believe you are quite familiar with my words "Its only a live." But it is true....everything happens in this part time world is only a way to spend the time as a living thing. Though sometimes it is too much and un-bearable but its only a live my lovelies. It will phase.

Do you think i am bluffing? Or that i am pretending to be nonchalant bout it while actually i am seething inside? Well you are partially right. I was so worry dorry morry in the beginning of the days after we got engaged by skype. Yes my lovelies....we were engaged by skype. But the worries were not due to our future, but because so many people that i call friends are not supporting me at all. They are shunning me away. They are  waiting for my downfall with this marriage's plan. But then i felt  that somehow their actions are actually showing the way i treat people surround me. Remember Allah said that whatever happen to us actually are our own doing. Remember what you sow is what you reap. How fitting are those words. I can only blame myself for what i am receiving now. But i wont punish myself now. I am battered already, there will be time enough to reshape and recharge my way of behaving toward others. But not now when i am in a fragile condition.

Alhamdulillah my hubby to be and families that always pray for us keep on giving me now i am at breeze and starting to accept the way my friends are behaving. They might do that out of love and concern but the funny thing is now again Rabb show me how silly is depending our happiness on His subjects for when everything and everyone left you, it will be only you and Him to guide you through. 

So when all bride is preparing their lovey dovey marriage with their friends and families, i prepare all my guests and families in case somehow Rabb decides our plan differently not as we have planned. And my lovelies....there is nothing i repeat nothing can deter your plan for whatever it is unless Allah Ya Rabb decide it. Be well my lovelies....insyaAllah my prayers while i am writing these words are coming through to your life to bring contentment and strength to face everything. It is only a live my lovelies....enjoy it. It will pass.  


Saturday, 6 April 2013

Lir Ilir

A great song created by one of our Sunans from Java, Sunan Kalijaga. It is considered as a nursery songs that i just found out the deeper meaning about 10 years ago that it was created for a greater meaning than what i ever knew before. Now i share it again my lovelies with all of you since it seems my lullaby voice wont be accompany me for some times.

Lir Ilir....

Lir ilir....lir ilir
(Waking up)
Tandure wong sumilir
(All the plants are moving)
Tak ijo royo royo, ta senggo temanten anyar
(So bright and green, just like a new bride and groom)

Cah angon, cah angon penek ke blimbing kuwi
(Dear Shepherd boy, do climb and pick the fruit from that star fruit's tree)
Lunyu-lunyu yo penek ke, kanggo mbasuh dodot iro
(Though it is slippery, please keep on doing because i need it to wash my clothes)
Dodot iro dodot iro, kumitir bedhah ing pinggir 
(My clothes in which is tearing on the side)
Dondom-ono jlumat-ono kanggo sebo mengko sore
(Lets sew and stitch it to be used in the meeting thins afternoon)

Mumpung padhang rembulane
(Whilst the moon is still bright)
Mumpung jembar kalangane
(Whilst broad the space)
Surak o o o 
(Yell and shout...)
Surak hore 

Lir-ilir, lir-ilir this song is started with ilir-ilir that has a meaning as waking up from slumber or awakening in live (for the real meaning of sleeping is a short death) but it can also be translated as realising something. But what actually that Kanjeng Sunan wants us to be awakened from? The Ruh? The conscious? The thought? Whatever you are taking do not forget the mentioning of wind, so whatever is the thing that we need to awaken must be using motions.Lets think it over; only with movements we can produce air. What movement in our tenets can bring air in which brings live? Dzikir.....since by doing it we awaken something.

Tandure wis sumilir, Tak ijo royo-royo tak senggo temanten anyar. These lines are showing the continuity story that when a person is doing dzikir, they can bring live into the beautiful green trees. Trees in here is representing many advantages in our live; fruits, seed, fertile soil, cover and many more. Temanten anyar or a new couple can be inferred as the kings that were still relatifely new in converting into Islam but none so wiser in understanding it. Since at that time most of the powerful people converted into Islam but they didnt know anything how to apply the rules and understanding of Islam in their live. Just like a new couple in their first days of marriage.
Cah angon cah angon penekno blimbing kuwi. Cah angon is a shepherd. Why a shepherd? Not a General? Not a King? Or any other prestigious position? Because a shepherd's job is to guide his herds. Like an Ulama leads his congregations in the right path. For the next explanation, do wait till i am sober enough my lovelies or do check this ori link in Bahasa and just clik the translate menu.

On the next explanation my lovelies- based on this link above

Cah angon cah angon penek ke blimbing kuwi. Then why the star fruit? Remember once again, star fruit is green, in which it represents Islam. And it has 5 sides that is representing the pillars in Islam. SubhanAllah can Sunan Kalijaga had so cleverly woven all those simple words into something so deep and basic. is true then when you use your brain within His path then the sky is the limit.

Back to the explanation in asking the shepherd to hike the tree and take the fruit - it is representing that as the leader, the Kings of Java must bring their subjects to follow their paths in applying Islam in their live.

Lunyu lunyu penekno kanggo mbasuh dodotiro is showing although to reach the stage as a good Moslem is very much difficult -the slippery phase- please keep on doing it because we need it to clean our clothes -in which is another word for our deen and taqwa. 

Dodotiro dodotiro, kumitir bedah ing pinggir. Those clothes-deen and taqwa must be pure from any sinfull and horrible things to be our best part in this life. Remember the ole wisdom words - The best clothes is taqwa.

Dondomono jlumatono kanggo sebo mengko sore. Fix and clean our deen and taqwa because in the end all of us will surely die and meet Our Maker. So only with the right and pure clothes we can show our responsibility toward our Beloved Rabb. Lets fix and make it perfect my lovelies to be on the save side in Mashar time or Judgement Day.....choose your Maker as the only reason of your living.....

Mumpung padhang rembulane, mumpung jembar kalangane. In here the light of the moon and age are to represent the door of hidayah that still open widely while we are still alive.......

Yo surako surak hiyo. The horray in here is to ask all of us in cheering these great eyes opener moment while we still have time to apply those suggestions above...remember Al-Anfal :25 

Friday, 5 April 2013


This word still brings a big grin on my face whenever i say it *at least mostly* since the first time i used it. I did need some times to explain the meaning to myself. Since understanding the written and the real meaning are quite different apart for me lol. Especially when you can see those animals who get it. It might not be as funny as it is. This is the thing within the world. Sometime a funny and hilarious thing can be the mockery or even a snide remark for other people. And whatever good thing is your intention, it can be such a degrading or humiliating process for others. SubhanAllah.....astaghfirullah. Unfortunately i believe we often do it, right my lovelies? Feeling like the words coming from the mouth are poisoning the air. Just like a hairball. A cute name but clogging all the time for animals' throat or digestion. No wonder some religious people try to avoid in speaking nonsense too much. But then how do they make a relationship with the society and people surround them? But whatever and however it is, i think i envy them. For braving themself in separating from everything and anything just to avoid in becoming a hairball for other folks. I wish to be able in doing that someday. Just to be free and not creating problems....i wish. Though it seems difficult but a beggar can keep on begging right?

And then the last .....are we the hairball or the animal?But for me, i will choose to be the animal any time any how, for it will be like another thorns on my side if i hurt people due to my words. Sleep well my lovelies....lets pray for all the hairballs that we have ever created for others and be ikhlas for any hairballs that we have swallowed or will clog ourself....insyaAllah. Be well my lovelies....i am numb.

PS - you might wonder what this song related to the upload, it might not be related at all. Or even it is connected hip to hip....wallahuallam bissawab....but this song is the one that plays in my head whenever i am        
making a problem to myself lol.

Nothing To Be Worried About

Have you ever thought who will you be in the next 10 or 20 years ahead? I did....and it was such a great glimpse. I saw myself as an ole woman who has everything that her heart fullfills with. Do not get it wrong, it is not about the materials gaaah, it is more about the inside. And i feel glad up to now in having that glimpse.

Somehow i can find my lil ole nee that i used to see 30-34 years ago. Pathetic huh? I am pining to my ole self  that i lost in the battle of live long time ago just to afloat in the missery of live that i have created by myself. Live can be the bottom pit of hell if we think of it as it is, but it will be a heaven should be when we can feel each bless in it.

But d*mn....if i can keep my bubble cheerfullness all the time. I cant. I lost, again, and i am stuck with this nee before i can see the glimpse of my future to fill in my broken soul.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Worries - Juwaswisu Fisudurinnas

In live feeling worries dorries morries will never disappear from our mind and heart. It seems the more we use our akal and heart the more they haunt us with many possibilities. SubhanAllah my lovelies....this is a dangerous war on each of creature. It will be handled differently on each conscious. We might not get the similar answer or way to solve each war among us, but one thing is for sure; He is there to be talked to, He is there to be cried upon.....even armed with all the pamungkas do'a sometimes in my dire need i can only recite this surrah An-Nas and chant Allah's name. Astaghfirullah...astaghfirullah astaghfirullah......may all of us being protected until the last day we breathe this free air on this world, amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.