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Sunday, 28 October 2012

Another Stepping Stone

Slowly my eyes drift away into slumberness pose and all my pent up emotions are starting to play one by one inside my limbo's state. Those good, bad, sad and happy experience that i have felt in this building are stumbling down and piling up without any warnings. has been almost 6 years i always wake up and step my feet inside this office. The office that i choose as my Kawah Candradimuka* in my life as a khalifah*. The place where i was hoping to be my last place in working since i dont believe in labelling myself as a footloose or a person who loves to move around just for the sake of salary, achievements, challenge or any material things, i am not. I will be content as long as i can work with my muse* and all the proffesionalism are there. Mind you i dislikes challenge and competition, though i love to do my job as perfect as i can, but at least i am doing it in my own pace. Thats what i like but as usual what we want is not always what Allah Ya Rabb is ready to give.And that is happening to me, again. I plan this is my last office since i love all the things here but somehow there are something missing. I lost my muse. Somehow in my journey i lost my spirit in doing my job here. Cant blame others or situation. Its my own making. Since life is not what you want but how to make it into something that you like.Mayhap it is due to my motto, if someone gives you lemon, cut it into tinny slices so you can enjoy it for a longer time.Showing how unprepared i am about the future, no kidding....i am the most phobic person about future. I prefer to let it flow and be the best in it. Mayhap i should be like the old saying, if someone gives you a lemon, squish it.

But like everything in this world, a new beginning will end up somewhere. A new start will definitely lead into a finish line. And yes...26th May 2007 was my new start in this company i am working on, but 1st November 2012 is the finish line for my career in it. I met great people in literal meanings and spiritual meanings. I faced the love from my students and friends but i also felt the hatreds among the prejudices. But thats common right, for me those are the balancing in life, at least when i can find my muse. But when the muse is gone, i feel empty, i feel like a robot, working for money and nothing more and nothing less. Mind you i dont and insyaallah will never underestimate someone who works with their minds go to the digits in their bank's account. Unfortunately i am not shapping myself to be like that *sniffs sniffs* i wont allow myself to be depraved of the joy of the muse and spirits in waking up every morning to face my job. I am a selfish b*tch, i wont allow myself to face that situation.

And just like all the characters in Javanesse Wayang, i have overdone my staying in this Kawah Candradimuka, i need to find another place to apply my knowledges into a new job, and i am sure this is for the best. So here i am, humbling my logic to accept my idealist mind to quit. Foresaking what the future might give us, bismillah insyaallah Rabb will help.
Kawah Candradimuka is a terminology taken from Javanesse Puppet that is considered root from Mahabarata's book from India. The name itself refers to a place where we will experience the hard training or deep contemplations to increase one physically and mentaly. These powers were experienced by all the Puppet characters to achieve their sacred powers and sacred tools aka keris or bow or etc just like Gatotkaca, a super hero character in Wayang-Puppet in which always known as someone with wire muscles and iron bones.


How deceitful perception is in our life. I just hang up my phone with one of my acquintances. We were talking about perception. The funny thing is this topic has been swirling in my head lately due to my decision in resigning from my job, officially on the 1st of this month without any job to back me up or support me lol, crazy much huh? Naaaaa, it is not. Its purely logic for my illogic way of life. because if you know me, you will realise that i always do big decisions in life after consulting with Rabb. I might be a free hobo in acts and way of talking but i do not dare to take a big decision without His consent due to my worry in becoming un-grateful brat *in which i ever experienced it when i was young* when i was having a war with Him because He took my mamah -rest her soul- and left me stranded only with my siblings to hold on to. Oh lordy.....seee this strawberries head make all of you confused with all these straying topic lol. Back to the main topic, perception.

So our conversation -me and my acquintance-  steered to this topic, perception among adherents of different religions, beliefs, or even opinion. And everytime i stumble upon similar things, i always remember my mamah's words about 1 surah lakum dinukum waliyadeen, in free translation it is about how other's religion is not other's right to judge. I might be wrong in here do forgive and correct me if i am wrong. But somehow this surah to understand that differences are not supposed to be dwell about. Its our own personnal right. More than Human's Rights. But once again i am not an expert of Quran i am just nee the smallest figment on the world that tries to life harmonically with all the disrepancies and differences that Allah has dished out for all of us to see and those unseen walls that have been erected by us the human, the tenants of this beautiful jana*. Subhanallah....perception, a simple word but it can be so mean in the application. I mean how many examples that we know from the history that the fact wasnt like that but due to a perception the impact was a tragedy. Lets start with the famous epic romance from Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet - a gut wrenching  story . Because of their perception and assumption that the feud among the Montague family toward the Capulets family was unbreakable, two lovely souls killed themself. Nope i dont say that i agree for killing ourself for any reasons, but somehow with  perception comes assumptions. With assumptions come the worry. With the worry comes the decision that usually has been usurping by the negative emotions. And then the results of those devious thinkings might never be good. So why dont we sit down together and clear the air. When the differences are too hard to be  faced, why cant we take a deep breath and start to chant lakum dinukum waliyadeen or whatever prayer that you use to make you find a patient and just accept the differences gladly.

I am not a scholar not even a good moslem, just trying to be a better one on every step. But i believe respecting others' opinion, deed, belief, religion, decision and many more are showing how mature and wise you are. Dont you think each religion and modern's beliefs agree with these concepts? So lets start the new day by respecting others in many aspects unless what they are doing is breaking the rules, norms, or hurting other members. Wallahu allam bissawab.

jana is the world