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Friday, 5 April 2013


This word still brings a big grin on my face whenever i say it *at least mostly* since the first time i used it. I did need some times to explain the meaning to myself. Since understanding the written and the real meaning are quite different apart for me lol. Especially when you can see those animals who get it. It might not be as funny as it is. This is the thing within the world. Sometime a funny and hilarious thing can be the mockery or even a snide remark for other people. And whatever good thing is your intention, it can be such a degrading or humiliating process for others. SubhanAllah.....astaghfirullah. Unfortunately i believe we often do it, right my lovelies? Feeling like the words coming from the mouth are poisoning the air. Just like a hairball. A cute name but clogging all the time for animals' throat or digestion. No wonder some religious people try to avoid in speaking nonsense too much. But then how do they make a relationship with the society and people surround them? But whatever and however it is, i think i envy them. For braving themself in separating from everything and anything just to avoid in becoming a hairball for other folks. I wish to be able in doing that someday. Just to be free and not creating problems....i wish. Though it seems difficult but a beggar can keep on begging right?

And then the last .....are we the hairball or the animal?But for me, i will choose to be the animal any time any how, for it will be like another thorns on my side if i hurt people due to my words. Sleep well my lovelies....lets pray for all the hairballs that we have ever created for others and be ikhlas for any hairballs that we have swallowed or will clog ourself....insyaAllah. Be well my lovelies....i am numb.

PS - you might wonder what this song related to the upload, it might not be related at all. Or even it is connected hip to hip....wallahuallam bissawab....but this song is the one that plays in my head whenever i am        
making a problem to myself lol.

Nothing To Be Worried About

Have you ever thought who will you be in the next 10 or 20 years ahead? I did....and it was such a great glimpse. I saw myself as an ole woman who has everything that her heart fullfills with. Do not get it wrong, it is not about the materials gaaah, it is more about the inside. And i feel glad up to now in having that glimpse.

Somehow i can find my lil ole nee that i used to see 30-34 years ago. Pathetic huh? I am pining to my ole self  that i lost in the battle of live long time ago just to afloat in the missery of live that i have created by myself. Live can be the bottom pit of hell if we think of it as it is, but it will be a heaven should be when we can feel each bless in it.

But d*mn....if i can keep my bubble cheerfullness all the time. I cant. I lost, again, and i am stuck with this nee before i can see the glimpse of my future to fill in my broken soul.