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Saturday, 30 March 2013

My Lunch

in a clock position from the square close to chilli are; Tahu Isi or Stuffing Tofu,
Pohong Goreng or  Fried Cassava and Jipang a rice crispy

This is my lunch, off course considering if i would like to consume it. As you can see it is the collection of frying food. Gosh no wonder i get this lump in my throat like i am about to get cough. And eating fried food is something that i can say as one of our national problem *palming the face*

The habit has been put inside our brain that food is fried food. And even though my healthy feakish mind tries to avoid it as much as i can considering my sickness, but somehow my taste buds can only be appeased with those kind of food. It is quite ridiculously stupid for a cancer survival to do what i do. But astaghfirullah that is human. We are so lame when we are in a bad condition but ignore the guidance when we are okay.

It kinda reminds me about an ole wisdom words from my country;

Nafsu itu hanya sepanjang lidah manusia
(The need is basically only as long as the human's tongue)

In other words most of us do consider that any kind of needs that is actually so short. And if we compare the whole organs with it, its 1: is so small that it might not be able to be grasped by my strawberries' head. But most of us do depend on those needs above everything. Why? How come? SubhanAllah.....masyAllah....lets find our right path lovies. I might not be right in life but i am trying to be a good person. And those efforts might never be enough for some people but hopefully insyaAllah Rabb can accept it amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.  

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Bubuy Bulan

This day i feel so blue, lets pick up this song to emphasize the greelue feeling. Just do not get carried away too much my lovelies. It is only a life.

40 Days To Go

It is another 40 days to go before i can see in person the Keeper of My heart. Nervous? Do not is a mixture feelings; like a bowl of Es Oyen (a dessert from  Agar-agar, Coconut milk, Condensed Milk, Avocado, Coconut, Jack-fruit, and off course ice cube on shredded). All the feelings are piling up in a small cubicle inside of my heart and brain. Since in my brain the permanent tenants are my strawberries shrubs and my darlings monkeys, it is kinda slummy there now.

Es Oyen.....sweet and nice to be served in a hot day, esp if
sweet nee  is the  one who serves  it  lol.

If you ask me how can i cope, well for sure i have my moment to be a drama Queen and a spoilly brat. But i also have my moment in enjoying the breeze. Though there is 1 fact that always makes me strong within this event. The prayers from all the people who love me, who love Raminku, and who are willing to pray for our unity. 

I might be an altruist most of the time, but for this case i am trying to be a Machiavellian in getting the prayers from people. Since in Indonesia people are still hiding and faking behind the mask of decency, so i sent as much as messages in praying those people -esp the one who gave a negative vibe over my marriage- and in the end they will pray me back for the things that they even feel disgust in supporting actually *cackling evilly* what can i say my lovelies, i do have a meanie mean strike also. I am a human also right. Besides, if we see from religion's point of view better give good things toward people who dislike us. So i am not really bad, just plotting a Machiavellian act upon a good deed, indeed it is good *nodding smugly*

So these 40 days before the big day.....and another 3 days after that before we sit together to do our vows in front of the witnesses. Pray for me my lovelies, for my prayers will go to you also.  

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Book's Review - Remembrance

This book is one of many books from Jude Deveraux, one of my favourite authors. It has been published in 1994 and republished in1997. It is a story about a storywriter lady, Hayden who has this obsession toward 1 of her heroes, Jamie. From this simple plot, it gets complicated because in one of the scenes, Hayden tries to join a time-travel experience to fix her past. From there the story reveals so many layers of Hayden-from the reincarnation lifes in which she has experienced in her previous live. She was Lady Catherine and many more until the source of the carma as Callie and her lover Tallis.
One thing i always dread in reading a story is when the author tries to bring as much as characters into her/his story. For if she/he couldnt keep up with each character, then the story will be like a sour taste in mangoe. A small dose is good for the mouth while if it is too much, it gives rickety sounds when you grith your teeth. Not nice.
But this lady, OMG....she can crack the fireworks nicely with all those characters in the past, about Jamie and Hayden and come back again to their future live. I love this book with my heart and wish to find it again someday, since my hard cover book was wasted away in the flood....*sighing* this is a good book lovelies. If you get your hands on it, dont let it go.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Creating My Own Fairytale

Hi all girls i used to hold my candle for romanticism when i was young. It is something that i cant put entirely the blame upon the Hollywood's influence nor Walt Disney's ideas in Cinderf***ingrella. Nope it is not their mistakes. It was purely my mistake in not accepting the idea that fiction and non fiction will never collide into the real time. That is too much lovelies. Life doesnt play in that way. In my 38 years life in which it will be 39 in the next 5 days, Allah Ya Rabb will grant anything that He deems right upon us without any qualm. But the key word is on His Way, not our own ways. So the happiness that we think it is meant to be happened for us, actually it is built on the sand. It is only an illusion that we keep on holding because we do not know the other fact except the one that we believe it is right. Pathetic right? Yes it is. But is that mean we can not have our dream like in the fairytales? Naaaa, dream it on my lovelies, just remember that a dream will be ended once the person is awake. It is only a live, it is not about life and death huneys.

And back to my topic, i had given up my dream to have a husband and family. Not due to my lack of wish but more to my understanding that somehow Allah Ya Rabb knows best what is best for me. So i redeemped my wish and continue with my single status. And when Raminku came in my life it was like ano shocks for nee. A nice and  lovely shock that i never dare to hope ever happened for me....but it is happening. I was and is still feel overwhelmed but we cant ask the gift from a horse's mouth right? So now me and The Keeper of My heart are trying to create our own fairytale as what we think is kaffah in Islamic's ways. We are still far from H.E.A aka Happily Ever After...since i believe it will come when we have passed Mashyar's Desert....after we die. So bismillahirohmanirrohim....insyaAllah Allah Ya Rabb guide, bless and protect us in our marriage and always protect our family on His Path amien. I am creating our own fairytale my go and build your fairytale in the most kaffah ways....and i pray Allah Ya Rabb will lead you the way also, amien.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Stumbled Upon

".................For myself i pray for a good moslem, healthy and well proportioned wife who'd obey me and never answer me back. Who'd clean my house, cook and perform all the other duties of a good moslem wife."

This afternoon i stumbled upon this blog where the writer wrote a simple prayer above and somehow the words tickle my curiosity and irk my conscience a lil bit. Just a tinny whinny thingy. Honestly in my opinion i always consider that a do'a or a prayer is kind of the privilege of the doer. But somehow the wordings of it is kicking my sense as a woman lol. I mean oh come on my lovelies, seriously are you willing to be taken a wife just because of those qualities? No it is never about women's lib or something like that but even in Qur'an it is stated that your spouse is not only a part of your appearance but also a part of your ribs. I know mayhap it is the problem of the linguistics thus the prayer above sound so degrading for me as a woman, but hopefuly all men are not seeing their wives or partners as a satchel or in my Javanese culture,

                                                  suwargo nunut, neroko katut.
           (In heaven a wife is only a passenger of her husband's ride, but in hell they are the partner in crime)
See how unfair it is huh? And funnily this society is still allowing women's degradation in many aspects. Even it is done by those people who bragg to know bout religions......masyaAllah subhanAllah. What a blasphemy in itself. Commiting a high crime in the name of religions -i do think habbllu minnAllah should be equal with habblu minnanass, right?

And in my efforts in seeing other people's opinion bout it, i got stumbled upon this beautiful upload, and i feel glad alhamdulillah that there are a good understanding to support my believe. So i am not blindly using my akal for something that is important as this.

New Years

Few days ago i got this info from The Keeper of My Heart that yesterday was the new year for Persian people. He also mentioned a special do'a here. It states in here how beautiful is the do'a.

Bismi Shah Allah Allah

Ya Muqallib al-qulubi wa-l-absaar
Ya mudabbiru-l-laili wa-n-nahaar
Ya Muhawwila-l-hawli wa-l-ahwaal
Hawwil Halanaa ila Ahsani-l-Haal

O Converter of the hearts and the Sights
O Custodian of Day and Night
O Converter of Conditions and States
Convert our State into the best of States
For the full story of the event do check the link here.

And this remind me about an event in Java, noooo i do not mean that the event above is similar like in my culture. The event is called Satu Suro or 1 of Moharram On this event the animism dynamism rituals are colliding with the religious rituals. And it is still can be found up to now, especially in Solo, Yogyakarta and Bromo. You can find some of the pictures in here about it 

Unfortunately or luckily, i dont know which one do you think more appropriate my lovelies, that day is also known as the most powerful day in supra-natural world. So the atmosphere of that day is a lil bit dainty for nee.

Friday, 15 March 2013

The Heart's Games

Most of women do fall in the category of using their hearts more than their brains. But is it true? Is it true that heart and mind are the privilege of women? I do not think so. As long as i life on this janah, i have stumbled upon the opposite one. Women can be so fragile and dependent creature but in fact they are more calculative in any cases above men. Do you think that is not using the brain? Hah. It is using the brain. And only a beguile man will be so proud in saying women are not a creature with a brain.

I am not writing this referring to myself, nope. It is more to the surrounding. How in many cases women are the one who did the thinking but then they infuse it to the men so they can keep their men macho-ism and in the end those men can feel powerful enough. And only smart people can do it that way -finding a way and infusing it to others and posing so lola-subhanallah.

But that is not my aim in writing this upload. My intention is to show that heart mostly is the place where we deal with everything and anything. WHile most Ulama say that in our hearts each of us can find our Rabb's Spot, but how can we be sure it is Rabb who is speaking and not our ego or our evil side (*sowiiii evil, most of the bad things have been thrown at you, sowiiii). So in here i would ask to all of us to pray to Allah Ya Rabb to guide us into the best choice in every step since as long as the breathe is taken, a decision must be decided inside of our heart. And He is the Only One who can help us to find the truth.

  • يامقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك
    Yaa Muqallibal Quluub, Tsabbit Qalbi ‘Ala Diinik'

    Meaning: “Wahai Dzat yang membolak-balikkan hati, teguhkan hati kami di atas agama-Mu.”
[HR.Tirmidzi 3522, Ahmad 4/302, al-Hakim 1/525, Lihat Shohih Sunan Tirmidzi III no.2792]

  • يا مقــلـب لقــلــوب ثبــت قــلبـــي عــلى طـا عــتـك
    'Yaa Muqallibal Quluub, Tsabbit Qalbi ‘Ala Ta'atik'

    Artinya: “Wahai Dzat yg membolak-balikan hati teguhkanlah hatiku diatas ketaatan kepadamu”
    [HR. Muslim (no. 2654)]

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Be Grateful for Whatever It Is

These couple of days i learnt a lot of things bout myself and living on this Janah. Whatever perception we have will always be shake up by Rabb as long as it is not right or The Big Guy just wants to see our strength and endurance. That living is never about how many people you can help or how many good things that you have done or have you reach the target in your life. It is more about Him and always bout Him, The Solely Being. I used to brag in my heart that i am a traveler on His path. Is it????? Nope, zilch, nada......i am still stink with all the sins thus why every thing comes on me, i will always retaliate by asking Him, "Why me? What did i do wrong?"

One of my friends told me that if we are a traveler on His path, in one point then we can feel His presence on every breath we take. That even taking an air in your lung is already an ibadah or a good deed. That everything comes to us wont be accepted wrongly except alhamdulillah astaghfirullah or astaghfirullah alhamdulillah.  

Ya Allah The Most Beloved One, how can i be so ujub and riya with this akal that You lent to me to control my life?

These occurance do teach me a lot....Rabb to be more grateful than what i am now. To be more humble in front of You. Ya My Prophet do forgive Your people in gracing Your name and love. I am not worth it into Your protection but i am too coward to face the wrath of Allah by myself. Do forgive me.

Monday, 11 March 2013

Working With Your Heart

I always feel that Allah  Ya Rabb is working in the utmost wonderful way. And today it has been proven again and again. It is started with my conversation few days ago with my sister. We were talking bout how some people do not feel the beauty of their life and only complain about everything. At that time we were just stated that mayhap it is due to the different standard for each of us in seeing our own life, achievements and failures. I mean lets face it we do have our own ways in viewing those things. And those ways will lead us into how we judge our self. And this morning i was seeing a different example of that case. How you see yourself is going to be your downfall or your up-fall.

This morning i met someone that in my eyes are so perfect. She is beautiful to the tip of her toes, charming, soft-spoken lady from the uptight upbringing with all the branded things on herself and her bag. But she complained about everything. Starting from her zero size, her kiddies, her driver, her boring life and everything. And i was like in a gaga pose. Since it is like the scenes were being played by Rabb to give me another example bout life. When we think bout those menial things more than the portion, those will lead you astray till kingdom's come. But when you can find the essential things in life to guide you to Him, everything will follow behind. But like i ever wrote before my lovelies, whatever or whoever He is in your eyes and life, just make it sure it is only One and The Only One. So you wont stray away.....

Thus why working with our heart in retrospection or contemplation are highly recommended by nee. Trust your heart my lovelies....insyaAllah it will lead you to the right path.  

Sunday, 3 March 2013


Sampul Depan

I have read this book when i was still 11 or 12 years old. And somehow his story captures my heart till now. I may not have the power in reading the whole books (it has some series i believe it is about 4 bulky books) in my age now, because i know already how sad it is. But i still love it. Only if.....all the history can be put in a great book as such this one.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

From My Man...........

Every girl has their own kind of man to be waited for, to be longed for or to be cherished upon. And since i am also in the kind of girl criteria or mayhap a woman, i do also have that dream man to be hold to. And my kind of guy is never so much can be said or mentioned except one and the utmost thing, he must be a man hahaha seriously lovie as much as the words are full of jokes for obvious reason, but those words BE A MAN do have a lot of meaning for me. It has many implications that mere men wont be able to hold their shoulders straight when they are facing the whole meanings of those simple words. And alhamdulillah Rabb always bless me in seeing those kind of men in my previous years before i choose and found this lovely soul that i never hoped or even dare to wish to have. Yes i did have my moments in breaking hearted *rolling the eyes who havent huh?* but somehow those guys are giving me another facets of life that i took as a lesson in life. Yes, it was world shattering when it happened but life goes on and for sure when it is not the one, then it wont be happening. Lets face it my lovelies, living on this world without those sparks of love, jealousy, intricts etc then it wont be a life.

And back to my present state, i wont say that my man and i will be living in happily ever after, thats a bulls**t that has been sewn into our brains by this materialistics world to drown the real essence of live. To make people feel nothing when "fake" happiness arent able to be reached by them. In the end they will drive themself into nothingness creature that has been moulded by the world in which they join in creating. So funny how a creator -i dont mean Him The Sole Creator, but the creators of this havocs that we call modern life, materialistics world, advance world etc- can succumb so low under the feet of their own creations.....subhanAllah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah.

Am i too much of a silly chit my lovelies? Well, that is not what my aim in here. In here i just want us to see the real reason in living on this janah. Since those mission, vision and value are the base of your way in dealing and guiding your life. You dont have to bring religion if that is not your cup of coffee, but use your braniac brain that you hold dear more than anything. Are you able to synchronise the whole mission, vision and value of your life with whatever you are doing right now? If not, please retrace back to your core self. Do something to communicate within yourself. Live is too precious to waste away for a failure act. Approach this living based on your liking my lovelies, for He is there in the shape of whatever it is you are seeing Him. I call Him Allah Ya Rabb. Some of you might call Him as money? Happiness? Family? Whatever it is, it is Him for you. And these kind of lines are the one that makes me fall in deep in love with my man. He can bring serious topics into my strawberry brain. He sees something in my strawberry shrubs with all those monkeys. And he is willing to take my hands together to face the uncertainty of live with all the bleakness and the raging wars inside our souls.

Bismillah Raminku.....lets Allah Subhana wa Ta'alla guide us into a better mankind, amien.


Do any one there dislike disco? The sweat glistening bods under the blink blink do not use an advance imagination my lovelies. Please bring your grey cells in your brain to imagine one of the famous scene of Saturday Night Fever by John Travolta or Xanadu by Olivia Newton John. Goooosh what music they created *insert amazing tone pwease* And as 1 of the women born in 70s nee is a biggie fans of those shaking the dearie music hihi. It does not mean i favour disco more than others naaaa. But somehow once in a while when my ears stumble with a lovely rhythm of disco, directly my mind creates a disco hall from the M-vie and seeing my lithe bod jumping up and down to the music. And moving my hands crazilly. Not that i will do it in the real life unless my brain really deserts me to the loconess.

And today i had a chance to download this song that has been played repeatedly in my brain. Its a song from David Gueta - Titanium. And well lovelies just like the vid of Harlem Shake. I was jumping up and down in my imagination. And the song has been played many times till now.  

And somehow the intro is reminding me about The Police - Every Breath She Takes