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Sunday, 30 October 2011


Somehow today my urge to mark someone is arising again lol. Is it due to the heat? Yes, maybe, but not that heat silly. Yes, the other heat. Arggh nooo, not that one also. The other part of heat. Yes, thats one you silly goose.
But seeing i am not an animal, its quite difficult to mark my territory, in which it will need some 4 legs and some poses. Though without those actualy some people already call me biatch :p like i care. I mean, come on, if the name comes w d abilities, why not lol.
Remembering my threat to my coffee, to mark him as mine by tattoing my name on his forehead...hmm awesome.

Thursday, 13 October 2011

nee'slifeherepastandfuture: Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

nee'slifeherepastandfuture: Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

Iwas born in pure Javanese's family. The background of my family is the combination between Javanese's cultures, Moslem's ways and modernization ways that erase all those tight bonding acts from my ancestors. It does not mean i dislike to be called as priyayi Jawi* but it is more to some un-relevant rules, laws and concepts of live that i am unseemly can take it as my ways.

For example in Java, men are supposed to be our king, hmmmm reminding me of the song from Rihanna - California King Bed- sheeesh nee with her straying minds grrrrr. Lets continue please. As a king, they have absolute powers toward their objects which are women and children. These concepts can be working well if the Subjects are taking the responsibilities toward their wards like a duck in the pond. Too bad, some or even now most of those ducks are so wacky that is so tacky to give them such powers -in my opinions, if someone is asking, but offcourse since it is my blog, so it is always based on me- *grinning evilly* what i meant is like dealing with family's live. Javanese men nowadays do not know where their foods are processed, by whom, and how. Like a king they just wait all their objects (read : women) to do all the dirty jobs while they just sit cutey after their working hours. Not even giving a hand to clean the rooms, or just taking care the children to ease the burdens of their wifes or sisters or any women in their life.

That is only 1 aspect in real life. How bout taking a part in family bonds. Most men in my culture do not have any abilities to create a bond in their family. Everything is depend on the women's parts. Although Java is definitely not a Matrilineal, but somehow i feel like that lately. For example in my family, since the day my mamah passed away *blessed her lovely soul* we -the 5 of us- are like being considered as pariah due to no one was willing to bring us into the family's events. And to be honest, though i was so happy in avoiding those ole ladies who held all powers in our family, some part of me did hope to be accepted like when my mamah was still alive. So family is depend on the oldest lady in your trah.*

Another example due to those examples above, our men are becoming so spoil and dependent too much to our women that even they cant think, do or alive without us. Somehow this new improvement in my society do make me gag all the time whenever i see a macho man but he must wait his woman for anything. There was an example that i could not erase from my memory till today. One day when i choose to go to my aunty's home in other part of Surabaya, i went with a bemo* a common public transportation here. I watched a married woman carried her baby in her arm sitting next to me. Sitting in front of this dawdy lady is her husband. The husband looked so dressed up like he had all his time in front of the mirror. When it was already in their destination. The wife asked her husband to get off from the car. Then she followed behind. What shocking me and the other passengers was the way they got off. First the wife who in fact carrying their heavy baby was also carrying a bag. And while the wife tried to balance her "luggages" the husband just stood on the shoulder of the road to pose like a boring teen, not even offering to help his wife with the "luggages." Unfortunately, in the middle of getting off, the wife slipped from her high heels, and surprise surprise, the husband did not do anything. So all of us inside the car helped the poor lady to get off from it and brought the bag on the pavement. While we were surprised with this shocking event revealed in front of us, the lady added another shock by paying the fees of the transportation from her own wallet without any helps from the husband. So where is the proudness of being priyayi Jawi? Where is the gentleman act? Do we as Javanese women nowadays must choose to be The Man in our family, in our society and even in our job? wonder many women from my country choose to cross the side nowadays (no pun intended for the crossers, i support in diversity and free of choices) or even try to capture a foreigner with the hope to be treated humanly and womanly by them.

Notes - the meanings are being given freely based on nee's understanding:

priyayi Jawi - a way my people, Javanese call themselves proudly for with the name entails them to be so honourable and protect their names and dignity.

bemo - a car smaller than a minibus that can carry passengers around 12 people within the same route with the fee.

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

Anxieties - Belated Post

(((Hear ya hear ya!! March is coming!))) this is one of 2 months that i always feel anxious in a year. Whether i plan it to be relax full, ignorance or just let it by, the anxieties will drop themselves on my head "boink" , they will do like the one in a cartoon movie.
Lemme cut it out now, so i can pile up my anxieties more next time. Yes every March is my birthday. Yes in which the A is going to add up the sum. Yes i am not that worry morry dorry sorry over the white hairs, crows' feet on my forehead, smiling lines or even all those famous gravity theories bout women. Nada. Those are not my worries that in the end caused the anxieties. It is due to my worry in becoming a worse person the more i am older. Especially when you are a spinster (euuuuuy i do not really like the word, its almost like splinter, so painful). and more over if you are Javanese.
In Javanese culture, a spinster is considered as a grumpy ole woman who cant control their tempers due to their un-fullfilled some of aspects in their live. How cruel huh the prejudice. But that is so true. I was grown up while listening those comments toward spinsters. Just like being a spinster is a degrading status lol.
now with those concepts in mind, up to now, i always try to introspect myself every birthday. To ask myself, do i am becoming such a grumpy person like those people said? Do i become ridiculous in my actions? Do i too emotional for any little things that "normal people" never do?
Thus the anxieties come from......

Someone Like You

Never mind if i'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Dont forget me i beg, i'll remember you said
Sometimes it last in love, sometimes it hurts instead

Listening and singing together with Adele in this song is becoming my second favourite activity lately besides reading in Wattpad. This song seems to have the power to enthrall me within its grab. To entice me within the soul. I am so beguile in its power. I have no strength to pull myself from it. Arghhh....Adele i wish i am in a brokenhearted session now, so i can blame my love's story in C.O.T aka crying out loud while playing this song. Too bad lately my hormones are having a sabbatical's hiatus, so it is quite embarrassing when an old ninny like nee gets down and cries over nothing *pose like a damsel in distress* euuuuuy such a yikes condition lol. Well what can i say, it seems when Allah Ya Rabb created nee, there was one circuit between her eyes, brain and mind is being loose over time roftlol. Yups...i am a crier. So do not hesitate in sending me a vacancy of the job as a crier for me anytime.

But tonight I just read how loosing someone that we love whether it is in romance's capacity, family's ties or just even friendship, can be such a devastating moment. So i just realise once again bout this new understanding. Lost and pains are BFF, in the end they will call tears to accompany them to make the experience merrier than ever. So guys.....if you experience it, you need a shoulder to cry on, do lean on me. i might not be able to help, but at least my ears are wide enough to listen them, do not feel alone lovie...for you are never alone in any conditions.