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Thursday, 26 December 2013

The Rings.....Though It Wont Ring.....

A year of our wedding and all the klutz that we have shared Raminku decided to suprise me with these pair of rings as a gift. Well actually its not a surprise since i knew before he gave it to me on January hihihi. Thats me Lil Missy of Impatient i begged him to tell me the surprise eventhough i wont be able to have it till he comes here in Surabaya.
.....masyaAllah thank You Ya Rabb for these happiness.

Friday, 8 November 2013

Who? Me? Naaaah......

Due to my hectic life lately *pose as the busiest lil lady on the Earth* i dont have a time to update with a lot of rants that i would like to share with You my lovelies. Especially actually i do have so much rants to be shared hihihihi *rolling the eyes with rolling drum's sound pwease*

For starter, i just realise, again that Surabaya my beloved city is still thick with racism, a filthy word that i hate with all my might. Come on my Lovelies, this is 2013, a new era has came upon us. Many histories have shown us how are the effects of this stupid act. But somehow the doers *insert jaw dropping emo* are young people who are so snooty bout any kind of hot stuff but somehow their acts are still following those people who did have this racism\s mind in previous era. Okay i know the concept in psychology that is stating that somehow the brain of human can create a defensive shield when they feel cornered, offended or even not knowing something. But why dont we learn something from others rather than starting to be suspicious all the time that influence Your way of seeing others.

It started when i joined this German's course as one of the requirements to apply a wifey visa to go to German. In here i met many young people who are half of my age. At the beginning i thought they didnt want to sit or even talk with me because of my age *i am twice their ages hihihi* but then some of the students are okay in talking and sitting with me. Then in my curiosity way, i approached those no-speaking kids. I tried to open a conversation with them. As You predict, yups they ignored me *jlebmoment* eventhough i called their names before i started the conversation. But somehow they just simply ignored me like i wasnt even there hihihi. In which it is quite impossible seeing how huge my person is.

After those expi i realised that even the seating positions in my class are divided by them based on skin colors then religion. Wow.....kiddooooos You are still young but You have adapted the most horrible character on this Earth, racism. Too bad they do not realise that i am actually also the same ethnic with them, but it does not show. This is a sad story that always makes me cry when people start to think of themselves better or even above the others. Do not they realise that their good fortune; health, wealth and others are blessed not only because of their own efforts? It is also coming from the prayers of other people *in Moslem we do pray for all the mankind on every prayer*  and their own ancestors. And if Allah wants us to be the same to avoid problems or differences, He will definitely create us thus way.....

A good poem that i got from Bie, my brother in law, a nice poem by Derek Walcott:

I'm just a red nigger who love the sea,
I had a sound colonial education,
I have Dutch, nigger, and English in me,
and either I'm nobody, or I'm a nation.

Friday, 4 October 2013

Lyke Li - I Follow River

Me and my hubby put ouself in these honorable tasks to spread out these beautiful songs, so help us pwease by spreading them hihi.

And this jumpy and happy tone

Thursday, 12 September 2013

I Think I Am Lost

Have You ever felt lost in the translation when You are in out of hand situation? 
Definitely it is a creepy event
Though it does not need an action
But somehow it breaks my defense

Being lost and false in the short is not the expie You need to have
Believe me, as often as i am wrong, in this case i am right

I think i am lost
And i am false
To thought its right
Since it is only a bunch of light, that cant even be tied

Friday, 30 August 2013

Talking With Sasi

It has been ages since i met Sasi in real life but somehow we always connected in all the time in our lives. I met her in 99. The border year from my study age into a worker in a big company, since before that year i was only a private teacher. She shows me a lot of things in life that i never realize ever happened. Her stories and experience always amaze me. But pwease do not think that we are so buddy buddy in real life. If You read my writing in the beginning, we are more to be a bosom buddies when we are afar. When she is in Spain and i am in my tinny room in Surabaya, Indonesia. Funny huh? But that is us. If You ask me who do i trust my life with outside of my hubby and family, her name will pop up 1st from my mouth. That is to show You my lovelies that sometime love and friendship do not see distance and differences. 

Believe me we are so different in almost every lil thing in life but we only have 1 thing in common, it is love. Love toward our self in which will show how we love and treat each other and other people. Remember bout karma, what You do will definitely comes to Yourself. Just keep on hoping the one which will come is the good one hihihi. Love toward His creatures and creations. It is showing on how we respect everything on this earth. Love in helping without being too butt in on others.Now that is quite difficult right? I remember not too long ago we did have our 1st serious butting the heads. It was because she asked me to do something that i did not want to. And in the end all her worries that made her to be so persistent in asking me to do it, are right. But alhamdulillah subhanAllah my Sasi did not even smirk or gloat to say, "What did i tell You nee? I am right!" She was even crying and praying with me on that sad moment when i realized that a swollen in my tummy that i thought was a baby, actually are cysts and polip. MasyaAllah.....

We have been through all, right Si? InsyaAllah it will continue for the next life also, amien. 

Tuesday, 27 August 2013


Living far away from my hubby makes our relationship considered as an LDR - Long Distance Relationship and it is quite a tricky way to communicate in the easiest, cheapest and unstoppable way. Hihihi it sounds like a jargon of a company right? Though honestly it does not feel that way. It is more like a hair pulling situation where we must depend on the unstable thing that is called internet connection. Why it is unstable? Because it is unstable *rolling the eyes for obvious reasons*

So in these 11 months of our relationship we used all the communication ways that are available there. In which SKYPE was our 1st choice after emails and texting were not enough for us. For sometimes it did cover our needs in seeing each other in the easiest and cheapest way. Although sometimes in their weakest moment i believe SKYPE was like an Uncle Scrooge that tries to squint his beady eyes toward our relationship and makes a havoc in it by giving problems in our connections or other disruptions.

After some times of being patient with SKYPE especially since they launched the new update in my Android-phone, we almost cant use the receive button in calling grrrr- i found these VoIP choices to be an alternative for You my lovelies in having a communication with people from other countries or distant places. At this moment i am about to try to use Google Hangouts. Lets see about its abilities in serving a free communication in VoIP way.  

Please check this site to know more about other VoIPs that are available as an alternative than SKYPE.

Wednesday, 14 August 2013

How Is The Procedure To Get A CNI Letter To Marry A German Citizen (CNI Part 1)

Intro Strawberries

Hi lovelies, i know that i have put these kinds of information in my blog few times ago. But somehow with my strawberries' shrubs inside of my head all the information from the blogs, sites, even from friends were being translated into encrypted codes that i have not gotten the idea how they will be de-coded into my normal language. Hmmm now You do understand how my desperate brain calls desperate action. And these are the results of my try and error in doing the process of CNI-Certificate of No Impediment or Certificate of Legal Capacity.

Do remember i made this blog on August 2013, there might be some changes in the future or even now, that i do not know about, please kindly inform me for helping others with these horrendous process.

First of all as a bride or a groom to be from Indonesia, You my lovelies, must achieve this CNI letter. You can get it from Indonesia but me and my hubby choose the process in getting it from German since it is cheaper and the doer does not need to go to Capitol to process it. Different with Indonesia's bureaucracy, we need to go back forward from our hometown to Jakarta for any legalization process. And i believe this might take time, energy, money and most of all Your heart.

What is a CNI letter? CNI is The Certificate of No Impediment to marriage or in simple words it is a letter to certify that the bride or the groom to be from different countries can held the marriage ceremony legally with You and can be ensured to be acknowledged by both countries. In this case we have to be sure bout the requirement of this letter since not all countries in the world request CNI for any interracial marriage. But if You are marrying German citizens, yes this is one of the requirements.

Remember my lovelies, not all countries require this CNI letter. So if You are planning Your marriage with a foreigner, first thing You have to check is their official website from the country. Do find the part about interracial marriage. Then You can move on by checking the rules in our Indonesian's Foreign Ministry website about the wedding between You and Your intended. And pweaseeee if Your spouse to be is an Indonesian, do skip in reading these mumble jumbles hihihi.

Papers To Be Prepared For Indonesian's Citizen

Now we go on to the headaches process. All the process and papers to be prepared. One thing is for sure, let Yourself feel relax when You fall due to the pressures and difficulties. I am here for You and let Your loved one know the grueling process. Definitely the old phrase No Pain No Gain is appropriate for these thingies.

Without any ado, please be ready with:

1. Birth Certificate (they will ask the newest edition not least than 6 months period, and it might be difficult in here to get it since Indonesian's Government does not issue again and again the birth certificate. Hmmm do You think we can pretend to be re-born hihihi)
2. A single status letter (*
3. A domisili letter (**
4. A letter of N1, N2, and N4 (***
5. Passport

Process To Be Done In Your City

We can do these letters below by using 1 letter from RT/RW but please ask them to mention all the letters that You need to make. It will definitely cut the times and hassles. Remember, put all the letter names on it; a domisili letter with the specimen letter from Kelurahan, a single status, N1, N2 and N4. Mayhap they wont ask You to write in details like what i wrote above. But incase they are asking like in my area, it will be easier if You get the letter(s) from RT/RW in one go.

A single status letter

To get this letter we need to:
1. We go to RT by bringing KSK and ID-Card the real documents and the copies. And ask them to issue the letter for Pengurusan Pernikahan.
2. Then we go to RW to get the legalization of the letter.
3. After that we bring the letter and go to Kelurahan and they will issue A Single Status Letter for us. Off course there will be some silly questions about why and the reasons for making it, but be cool, calm and confidence and envelope with some money inside will definitely smoothed the awkward moments.  
4. After You get the letter, please go to KUA that is in the same jurisdiction with Your ID-Card.
5. Please tell them once again why do You need the letter. Since the letter is confirmed by Kelurahan based on our data but it must be issued and legalized (3 copies) by the authority KUA. Do not accept their lame explanation that the letter from Kelurahan is enough, and they just need to put a stamp and sign it. We spent some money for that silly notion from Surabaya to Jakarta. But alhamdulillah subhanAllah we found some enlightenment and entertainments there hihihi.  

A domisili letter with a specimen letter

1. We go to RT by bringing KSK and ID-Card the real documents and the copies. And ask them to issue the letter for Pengurusan Pernikahan.
2. Then we go to RW to get the legalization of the letter.
3. After that we bring the letter from RT/RW and go to Kelurahan. In Kelurahan they will issue the Letter of Domisili and the specimen* for us. Off course there will always be some silly questions about why and the reasons for making it, but be cool, calm and confidence and envelope with some money inside will definitely smoothed the awkward moments.
4. We must copy the letter 3x and ask them to legalize and stamp them.

* specimen is a letter with the head letter of the institution (in here it is Kelurahan) to certify the name(s), paraf and signature on the domisili letter are valid. I will give You more info bout it when You need it.

N1, N2, and N4 Letters

1. We go to RT by bringing KSK and ID-Card the real documents and the copies. And ask them to issue the letter of RT/RW for Pengurusan Pernikahan.
2. Then we go to RW to get the legalization of the letter.
3. After that we take the letter from RT/RW and go to Kelurahan. In Kelurahan they will issue those N1, N2 and N4 letters for us. Off course there will be some questions about why and the reasons for making it, just answer as straight as You can. Because it is no use in showing a temper with them, it might put You in a bad light.
These letters will be needed again for asking permition to marry in KUA for further process.

Process To Be Done In Jakarta

In Jakarta basicaly we need to get all the original papers to be signed, stamped and legalised or to have another papers to be issued by one of these Government offices. And some of them need to be translated first before we can ask the legalisation process as above.

1. Bring all Your papers above with the ID-Card, Birth Certificate and Passport with their copies. Always separete the copies from the real thingies. Make it sure each original papers have been copied 3x. Do not forget to bring all the data of Your spouse to be; birth certificate, passport and single status (copies and the original if You can, if Your intended is not in Indonesia do bring the copies only, who knows they can forego the thing right?). 

2. Bring Your KUA single status letter to Department of Religion in Jakarta to get a legalization at MH. Thamrin No 6 Jakarta Pusat  Telephone - (021) 392-0245 (Bagian Kepenghuluan on 7th Floor) Working Hours at 08:00 - 15:00 Monday - Friday
Beware if Your intended is a non-moslem that becomes a muallaf, it must be proven that he / she has a moslem certificate that You can show. In my case because my hubby is a moslem and in German there is none whatsoever of legal documents can stated someone's religion, it was quite difficult to make the office agreed in legalizing my documents. Until somehow i could produce the copies of his itinerary for his ticket to go home from Malaysian Airlines. There it stated that he is a moslem. Alhamdulillah right my lovelies, rather than their solution to bring him from German to Jakarta goooosh....sometimes i wonder who is the strawberries' head in here. Me or them *pouting and sulking*

3. Bring KUA letter that has been legalized by Department of Religion, Domisili letter plus the specimen, and other letters in Ministry of Justice to get admission and legalization. In here all Your documents need to be legalised. Mind You that they will legalise the original one. Not the copies. The office is at HR. Rasuna Said  Kuningan, Jakarta Selatan

4. After that bring all the papers in Ministry of Foreign Affair at Ditjen Protokol dan Konsuler, Direktorat Konsuler, Subdirektorat"Clearance and Legalisation" Taman Pejambon No 6  Jakarta Pusat. This visit is definitely not a social visitation lol since it is once again to get legalisation from this office, saying that You my lovelies is ready with all Your Indonesian's papers to continue to the next part.

5. Then bring all the papers in German's Embassy (Consular Departement  At MH. Thamrin No 1 Jakarta Pusat (next to Mandarin Hotel) Visitation hours 08:00 - 11:30 am  Monday - Friday  021-390-1750 / 3989-9591  
They will tell You which papers or documents that needs to be translated into German. It will cost You 25,00 - 45,00 Euro but please paid in Rupiah.

After those process are done, then send all the documents to Your spouse to be so he/she can continue the process in making CNI.

In case You are a widower or a widow / a divorce or divorcee, You need to legalize Your Surat Cerai (Divorce Paper) and Surat Keputusan Cerai (Divorce Decision) in Mahkamah Agung at Direktorat Jenderal Peradilan Agama Gedung Bersama Satu Atap Mahkamah Agung RI Ahmad Yani Kav 58 By Pass Jakarta Pusat 021- 390-7050 

Notes - in the end after i knew all these information, due to my limited time and finance, we choose to contact a nice and lovely lady who is doing these thingies as her job. Do ask me about her if You think You might need her service. I have asked her to spread out her service. So just contact me for her info. And insyaAllah it will be barokallah. Alhamdulillah she is amanah and honest. May Allah bless her and her family for helping many couples with these process.
And please do save some copies for every paper that You have made for You might need it for next process.

ano note
The Original of CNI must not be given to any department for You will need it for the legalization part of Your Marriage Books next time.
Annnnnnd CNI is actually a paper to be shown to Embassy of Germany for them to issue the Permit Marriage Letter. In which this last paper is needed for Your marriage process in KUA. Once again dont give the real one, give the copy with the legalisation or try like what we did, we gave the scanned part. Because in legalization process of Your marriage books in Depag Jakarta they ask this original letter. While actually KUA for Your ceremony also need the real one bwahahaha....what a messy rules.

Monday, 5 August 2013

Ramadhan in Jakarta

National Museum

The journey that we spent in Jakarta is including visiting the National Museum in Central Jakarta. Too bad we went there when their visiting hours are from 9-3 pm only.
The first pic is about the fight of goodness and badness that is represented by Barong (the goodness) and Ragda (the badness). Its used for a ceremonial in Hindu Bali.

The 2nd pic is the gamelan an instrument from Java with the wayang (puppet from leather). Usually they play any stories from Mahabarata Book.
The 3rd pic is Gamelan though i am not sure is it from Bali or Java. Because actually there is gamelan from Bali that usually creates Degung Bali. Very soothing music.

The 4th pic is The mask that is used for a fertility spiritual in Hindu Bali.

The 5th pic is the head statue of one of the goddes but i am not sure who is it. Since it doesnt introduces itself toward me lol.

Cafe Batavia

Located in Kota Tua - Old City in front of Fatahillah Museum and in the corner far away of Mandiri Bank, this cafe resounds the aura of old time sake that has been preserved into eternity by anyone who is willing to step their feet on it. The originality of this place can be felt since You put Yourself into it. 

In here the price might be quite exorbitant for me, a Surabayanese especially when i consider based on the name, cafe. But do not worry my Lovelies, the price is worth it on every morsel You put inside Your tongue. And the atmosphere that is so thick in reminding us about the ole time is definitely worth it the money that You will spent there.

Some additional plus that i love are the prompt services that they offer and the friendliness
The 6th pic is the corner of Batavia Cafe an old building ex-the house of a Dutch High officer in colonialism era in front of Fatahillah Museum in Jakarta.

The last pic is the interior inside it, kinda spooky if we stay alone there and being watched by hundreds of eyes from the ole pictures on the wall hiiiii creepy though the place is lovely and nice food.
Me and Hubby....

Friday, 19 July 2013


Ya Rabb alhamdulillah thank You for all the blesses on these past years that You have given to us in all kind of shapes; whether it is happiness or sadness, whether it is opportunity or it is failure, whether it is finding or losing. They are blessings that we need to be grateful about alhamdulillah subhanAllah astaghfirullah. Alhamdulillah because actually everything is a bless. And subhanAllah because with His Greatness everything can be happened. And the last is astaghfirullah because with all those blesses sometime we get overwhelmed with the nuances of the event and forget that everything is only about perception and a test for You to be a better one. Well You might want to crank up, yell, whine or even be a stubborn lil strawberry with a stick on the as* by sticking to Your point of view or even Your idea, but this is our path - Rahmatan lil 'alamin the path of love. Love to Him and only Him. 

Why does nee focus with these thoughts again and again?It is due to Ramadhan, this lovely month always brings the best and the worst of You, since somehow in this month You cant pretend to be who You are not. A month where all the goodness will be blessed while the bad thing will be treated accordingly based on the rules.  

And seeing us as modern people, we often forget bout these things. Thus why i write it down as a reminder also for me.

De Daunan in Batu

My logging with front view

On last May as one of our short escapade from Surabaya - The Blocks of Monstrosity in East Java (*hihi actually i do not think so but Raminku might have this idea) we went to Batu and we stayed in this lovely place.....De Daunan Home and Garden in Batu, Malang

You bet Your last dime my lovelies....its like the name itself, de daunan-leaves, so in there we can see many leaves. Soooo green to be seen.

This place is wonderful to visit. Because it has all the qualities that You look for to let go Your stress and fatigues. The logging is cozy with a traditional architecture. With many choices of space and price to cater Your need. And the pool with mountainside view and garden can really space You out into different realm. Especially if You are going there with Your spouse hmmm, romantic we come. On most of the loggings - each of them is surrounded with garden - there is a lounge to sit and enjoy the botanical garden that we can eat and buy. SubhanAllah....for me it is simple gorgeous. And do not forget about the restaurant. The restaurant is offering a delicious menu that can be chosen from Indonesian menu into International one. In a short word, excellent for my taste buds especially the lemon tea and fried cassava....hmmmm yummy.

But like in all garden, there is always a serpent in it. In this vicinity the problem is the service sometimes a lil bit slow though it has been covered by their positive points that i have mentioned above.    

Without any ado lets see the views that i have here.
The logging - one king size bed, with a television and nice pantry

The terrace with a nice set of chairs to enjoy your lovely evening, just do not forget to bring mosquito's repellent

The Cauliflower Field in front of my logging

The restaurant's view at night

The restaurant's view

Thursday, 20 June 2013


A lullaby song to be enjoyed when You are sleepy my lovelieeees. Like what i am right now.....

Remind me about when i was a kid and playing with my friends......

Friday, 14 June 2013

Alhamdulillah.....Here I am

Hiiiiii i am back again in here to say hi after some times enjoying my 'me time with Raminku, my health, and myself' now i am back. I lost my words since there are too many things happened since last time i wrote till this afternoon. But insyaAllah everything is fine my lovelies....its only a life....enjoy the ride till it stops. And somehow i still cant find my wittiness...just want to say hi to all of You and upload this sad romantic song that it does not reflect my feelings but somehow i love the rhythm in it for it soothes my feelins ....enjoy it.

Kala Cinta Menggoda
Sejak jumpa kita pertama kulangsung jatuh cinta.
Since the first time we met, i have fallen in love with You
Walau kutahu kau ada pemiliknya.
Although i know You have someone
Tapi kutak dapat membohongi hati nurani.
But i cant lie to myself
Kutak dapat menghindari gejolak cinta ini.
I cant deny these loving feelings

Maka ijinkanlah aku mencintaimu
So please allow me to love You
Atau bolehkan aku sekedar sayang padamu. x2
Or just allow me to show my affections to You (2x)

Memang serba salah rasanya tertusuk panah cinta.
Its difficult to avoid these feelings from Cupid's arrows 
Apalagi aku juga ada pemiliknya.
Especially when i have someone else too
Tapi kutak mampu membohongi hati nurani.
But i cant lie to myself
Kutak mampu menghindari gejolak cinta ini.
I cant deny these feelings

Maka ijinkanlah aku mencintaimu
So please allow me to love You
Atau bolehkan aku sekedar sayang padamu. 
Or just allow me to show my affections to You 

Friday, 3 May 2013

A Poem of Schuon - 5 Days to Go

Hast thou heard the nightingale's song
At the sunset , with the skies aflame ?
When all is silent and is listening -A song of love from Krishna's flute. 

Deep in the wood , the flute's sound
Seemed to ask :
When will Radha her Krishna see ?
Soon, yea , soon !

A poem from Schuon that has been shared by Raminku.....lovely hmm 

Thursday, 2 May 2013

Multiple Choices

Hiiii my lovelies....*jumping up and down due to too much energies from my 3rd glass of tutu*...have you ever thought how live keeps on giving us choices but somehow each of us always chooses and falls in the same part? How come? Why? Havent we learned a lot of wisdom words in that sense of thing? Havent we heard bout the history or experience from people surround us or even the one before us? So how come? Why? 

I am not sure why and how my lovelies, but you can be sure if there is a way to fly to Rabb and ask Him about it, that will be 1 of the questions that i would like to ask Him. Why my brain and heart are so persistent in choosing the same answer again and again. Since last time i checked, i am still and will be always a human and not a mule. Hmmm i even do not think that our mules nowadays are that bull headed or mule headed lol. So why then? Why as the greatest creation of Him we are so persistently stupid effortlessly? 

And those multiple choices are being created by Rabb Wa Ta'Alla actually are not the accessories of life. Those are choices to be taken my lovelies.....unfortunately often times it is ignored by us. And alhamdulillah He never deserted us for any reason even when we have left Him many times, deserted Him oftenly. For that    is His love toward us. The most persistent creature in fending Him off with all the 'garish decorations' in this world....astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah. Lets find Him my lovelies for He is closer than our vein in our neck.

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

Everything And Anything

Human is such a fickle creature. We need to hold the reigns in any situation. Somehow in those moments of obscenities we forget that we are not the Owner of this live. We are merely the pupets of His many strings in live. That each of us has our own script to be taken seriously till the curtains drop to end our scenes.

Those understandings lame as it is, but that is the basic and utmost understanding if you are a moslem. Be ikhlas....and be gratefull all of the times. And my lovelies, those are soooooo d#mn difficult. No pun intended or trying to be so brash, just stating a fact. It is going to be easier to trash around for any misfortune that comes upon us and emanating negative vibes afterward. But that is not the point my lovelies. We are learning to be tawadduk, be a good subject, be a sub-serviant creature in front of Rabb for He has promised the love if we can face His world and the wrath if we disobey His ways.

Are we being a submissive by following His path? NOPE...just being a responsible person. Responsible with the life that has been lent to you by Him. Does He need all those respects, bows and pretentious acts to show His Power over the living and the world just like a juxtapox character in 1 scene play? is for our own sake....for our soul needs that path toward Him to feel at ease.

So as much as these turn out events shake me to the core, pray for me my lovelies....that my soul will always protect me to walk on His and only His path, amien. I pray you are the same there my lovelies....i pray the same for you.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013


Tonight i experience a nice and touchy experience that i even do not know how to react. It is started with my  visitation time to the hospi to see one of my sisters in law. She is being admitted in the hospi due to a surgery plan on the day of tomorrow  Since 2 weeks ago we found out that she has a malign CA in one of her organ. SubhanAllah. Her children are still young. They are still about 11-10 years old. And this news shattered all of our hearts. CA always is, right? It brings again my two expi with CA. Yes my lovelies like i said in one of my upload that i am a survival of CA. But that is not the thing why i write this..I write this because somehow my brother and his wife educate their children about this event on the morrow in the most simple thing in the easiest way without trying to cover up their gentle ages but also not trying to put the whole gorries. And these exchange dialogues that makes me shock, amaze and a lil bit carried away. These dialogues below were happening in the time they start to go home after the visiting hours is finish:

Mom                         - "Pray for mommy okay. Pray Allah Ya Rabb to meet us again."
Kaka (1st kids)       - "Mommy i will surely miss You. Be well soon and if You are well later on,       do not forget to buy me a Samsung tablet, pwease."
Luqman (2nd kids) - "Love You mommy, be well pwease, we will see You again right?"
Hanif (3rd kids)      - "Mommy lets pray together that Rabb wont put You in RIP in the operation room ya. Promise us to open Your eyes when the operation is finish!"
Mom                     - "InsyaAllah Yes.....i will open my eyes after the operation and we can face the next treatments ."

Ya Allah.....Your Subjects are solely Yours but Ya Allah....can i ask Your strength for all of us in facing this situation? Do not let our din be weakened due to our love and emotion toward my sister in law. And with Your permission, give her a chance to see her children grow till later days....

And those prayers from my niece and nephews reminded me so much toward my own demanding and threatening prayers when i was a kid seeing my mom in her dying bed (rest her soul). Unfortunately or extremely i ended by making a bargain with me as the collateral to help my mom's soul. And i lost since He is  the Decker, the Player and also The Winner. That was my first and hopefully never again war toward Him because He did not fulfill my wishes though He said in all his Books to ask everything and anything to Him. Astaghf irullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah..... hopefully none of You my lovelies nor the family of mine ever expi such a silly notion bout life, amien. Life is not our playground to be taken it for granted with Allah as our nanny to fulfill all our whims. Life is more about the place we are studying to be a better subject of Him. To make Him and all His Messengers proud with our constant effort in being good, as it has been agreed by our own soul before He put us in this world.

Friday, 12 April 2013

26 Days To Go

Hi my the next 26 days i will meet my love.....for the very first time. No need to pose the jaw dropping emoticon pweaseeee. It is only a live. A phase or path in my life that i have taken with open eyes though i was not preparing or dreaming of it to be happened to me. If you are my long time lovelies i believe you are quite familiar with my words "Its only a live." But it is true....everything happens in this part time world is only a way to spend the time as a living thing. Though sometimes it is too much and un-bearable but its only a live my lovelies. It will phase.

Do you think i am bluffing? Or that i am pretending to be nonchalant bout it while actually i am seething inside? Well you are partially right. I was so worry dorry morry in the beginning of the days after we got engaged by skype. Yes my lovelies....we were engaged by skype. But the worries were not due to our future, but because so many people that i call friends are not supporting me at all. They are shunning me away. They are  waiting for my downfall with this marriage's plan. But then i felt  that somehow their actions are actually showing the way i treat people surround me. Remember Allah said that whatever happen to us actually are our own doing. Remember what you sow is what you reap. How fitting are those words. I can only blame myself for what i am receiving now. But i wont punish myself now. I am battered already, there will be time enough to reshape and recharge my way of behaving toward others. But not now when i am in a fragile condition.

Alhamdulillah my hubby to be and families that always pray for us keep on giving me now i am at breeze and starting to accept the way my friends are behaving. They might do that out of love and concern but the funny thing is now again Rabb show me how silly is depending our happiness on His subjects for when everything and everyone left you, it will be only you and Him to guide you through. 

So when all bride is preparing their lovey dovey marriage with their friends and families, i prepare all my guests and families in case somehow Rabb decides our plan differently not as we have planned. And my lovelies....there is nothing i repeat nothing can deter your plan for whatever it is unless Allah Ya Rabb decide it. Be well my lovelies....insyaAllah my prayers while i am writing these words are coming through to your life to bring contentment and strength to face everything. It is only a live my lovelies....enjoy it. It will pass.  


Saturday, 6 April 2013

Lir Ilir

A great song created by one of our Sunans from Java, Sunan Kalijaga. It is considered as a nursery songs that i just found out the deeper meaning about 10 years ago that it was created for a greater meaning than what i ever knew before. Now i share it again my lovelies with all of you since it seems my lullaby voice wont be accompany me for some times.

Lir Ilir....

Lir ilir....lir ilir
(Waking up)
Tandure wong sumilir
(All the plants are moving)
Tak ijo royo royo, ta senggo temanten anyar
(So bright and green, just like a new bride and groom)

Cah angon, cah angon penek ke blimbing kuwi
(Dear Shepherd boy, do climb and pick the fruit from that star fruit's tree)
Lunyu-lunyu yo penek ke, kanggo mbasuh dodot iro
(Though it is slippery, please keep on doing because i need it to wash my clothes)
Dodot iro dodot iro, kumitir bedhah ing pinggir 
(My clothes in which is tearing on the side)
Dondom-ono jlumat-ono kanggo sebo mengko sore
(Lets sew and stitch it to be used in the meeting thins afternoon)

Mumpung padhang rembulane
(Whilst the moon is still bright)
Mumpung jembar kalangane
(Whilst broad the space)
Surak o o o 
(Yell and shout...)
Surak hore 

Lir-ilir, lir-ilir this song is started with ilir-ilir that has a meaning as waking up from slumber or awakening in live (for the real meaning of sleeping is a short death) but it can also be translated as realising something. But what actually that Kanjeng Sunan wants us to be awakened from? The Ruh? The conscious? The thought? Whatever you are taking do not forget the mentioning of wind, so whatever is the thing that we need to awaken must be using motions.Lets think it over; only with movements we can produce air. What movement in our tenets can bring air in which brings live? Dzikir.....since by doing it we awaken something.

Tandure wis sumilir, Tak ijo royo-royo tak senggo temanten anyar. These lines are showing the continuity story that when a person is doing dzikir, they can bring live into the beautiful green trees. Trees in here is representing many advantages in our live; fruits, seed, fertile soil, cover and many more. Temanten anyar or a new couple can be inferred as the kings that were still relatifely new in converting into Islam but none so wiser in understanding it. Since at that time most of the powerful people converted into Islam but they didnt know anything how to apply the rules and understanding of Islam in their live. Just like a new couple in their first days of marriage.
Cah angon cah angon penekno blimbing kuwi. Cah angon is a shepherd. Why a shepherd? Not a General? Not a King? Or any other prestigious position? Because a shepherd's job is to guide his herds. Like an Ulama leads his congregations in the right path. For the next explanation, do wait till i am sober enough my lovelies or do check this ori link in Bahasa and just clik the translate menu.

On the next explanation my lovelies- based on this link above

Cah angon cah angon penek ke blimbing kuwi. Then why the star fruit? Remember once again, star fruit is green, in which it represents Islam. And it has 5 sides that is representing the pillars in Islam. SubhanAllah can Sunan Kalijaga had so cleverly woven all those simple words into something so deep and basic. is true then when you use your brain within His path then the sky is the limit.

Back to the explanation in asking the shepherd to hike the tree and take the fruit - it is representing that as the leader, the Kings of Java must bring their subjects to follow their paths in applying Islam in their live.

Lunyu lunyu penekno kanggo mbasuh dodotiro is showing although to reach the stage as a good Moslem is very much difficult -the slippery phase- please keep on doing it because we need it to clean our clothes -in which is another word for our deen and taqwa. 

Dodotiro dodotiro, kumitir bedah ing pinggir. Those clothes-deen and taqwa must be pure from any sinfull and horrible things to be our best part in this life. Remember the ole wisdom words - The best clothes is taqwa.

Dondomono jlumatono kanggo sebo mengko sore. Fix and clean our deen and taqwa because in the end all of us will surely die and meet Our Maker. So only with the right and pure clothes we can show our responsibility toward our Beloved Rabb. Lets fix and make it perfect my lovelies to be on the save side in Mashar time or Judgement Day.....choose your Maker as the only reason of your living.....

Mumpung padhang rembulane, mumpung jembar kalangane. In here the light of the moon and age are to represent the door of hidayah that still open widely while we are still alive.......

Yo surako surak hiyo. The horray in here is to ask all of us in cheering these great eyes opener moment while we still have time to apply those suggestions above...remember Al-Anfal :25 

Friday, 5 April 2013


This word still brings a big grin on my face whenever i say it *at least mostly* since the first time i used it. I did need some times to explain the meaning to myself. Since understanding the written and the real meaning are quite different apart for me lol. Especially when you can see those animals who get it. It might not be as funny as it is. This is the thing within the world. Sometime a funny and hilarious thing can be the mockery or even a snide remark for other people. And whatever good thing is your intention, it can be such a degrading or humiliating process for others. SubhanAllah.....astaghfirullah. Unfortunately i believe we often do it, right my lovelies? Feeling like the words coming from the mouth are poisoning the air. Just like a hairball. A cute name but clogging all the time for animals' throat or digestion. No wonder some religious people try to avoid in speaking nonsense too much. But then how do they make a relationship with the society and people surround them? But whatever and however it is, i think i envy them. For braving themself in separating from everything and anything just to avoid in becoming a hairball for other folks. I wish to be able in doing that someday. Just to be free and not creating problems....i wish. Though it seems difficult but a beggar can keep on begging right?

And then the last .....are we the hairball or the animal?But for me, i will choose to be the animal any time any how, for it will be like another thorns on my side if i hurt people due to my words. Sleep well my lovelies....lets pray for all the hairballs that we have ever created for others and be ikhlas for any hairballs that we have swallowed or will clog ourself....insyaAllah. Be well my lovelies....i am numb.

PS - you might wonder what this song related to the upload, it might not be related at all. Or even it is connected hip to hip....wallahuallam bissawab....but this song is the one that plays in my head whenever i am        
making a problem to myself lol.

Nothing To Be Worried About

Have you ever thought who will you be in the next 10 or 20 years ahead? I did....and it was such a great glimpse. I saw myself as an ole woman who has everything that her heart fullfills with. Do not get it wrong, it is not about the materials gaaah, it is more about the inside. And i feel glad up to now in having that glimpse.

Somehow i can find my lil ole nee that i used to see 30-34 years ago. Pathetic huh? I am pining to my ole self  that i lost in the battle of live long time ago just to afloat in the missery of live that i have created by myself. Live can be the bottom pit of hell if we think of it as it is, but it will be a heaven should be when we can feel each bless in it.

But d*mn....if i can keep my bubble cheerfullness all the time. I cant. I lost, again, and i am stuck with this nee before i can see the glimpse of my future to fill in my broken soul.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Worries - Juwaswisu Fisudurinnas

In live feeling worries dorries morries will never disappear from our mind and heart. It seems the more we use our akal and heart the more they haunt us with many possibilities. SubhanAllah my lovelies....this is a dangerous war on each of creature. It will be handled differently on each conscious. We might not get the similar answer or way to solve each war among us, but one thing is for sure; He is there to be talked to, He is there to be cried upon.....even armed with all the pamungkas do'a sometimes in my dire need i can only recite this surrah An-Nas and chant Allah's name. Astaghfirullah...astaghfirullah astaghfirullah......may all of us being protected until the last day we breathe this free air on this world, amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.

Saturday, 30 March 2013

My Lunch

in a clock position from the square close to chilli are; Tahu Isi or Stuffing Tofu,
Pohong Goreng or  Fried Cassava and Jipang a rice crispy

This is my lunch, off course considering if i would like to consume it. As you can see it is the collection of frying food. Gosh no wonder i get this lump in my throat like i am about to get cough. And eating fried food is something that i can say as one of our national problem *palming the face*

The habit has been put inside our brain that food is fried food. And even though my healthy feakish mind tries to avoid it as much as i can considering my sickness, but somehow my taste buds can only be appeased with those kind of food. It is quite ridiculously stupid for a cancer survival to do what i do. But astaghfirullah that is human. We are so lame when we are in a bad condition but ignore the guidance when we are okay.

It kinda reminds me about an ole wisdom words from my country;

Nafsu itu hanya sepanjang lidah manusia
(The need is basically only as long as the human's tongue)

In other words most of us do consider that any kind of needs that is actually so short. And if we compare the whole organs with it, its 1: is so small that it might not be able to be grasped by my strawberries' head. But most of us do depend on those needs above everything. Why? How come? SubhanAllah.....masyAllah....lets find our right path lovies. I might not be right in life but i am trying to be a good person. And those efforts might never be enough for some people but hopefully insyaAllah Rabb can accept it amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.  

Thursday, 28 March 2013

Bubuy Bulan

This day i feel so blue, lets pick up this song to emphasize the greelue feeling. Just do not get carried away too much my lovelies. It is only a life.

40 Days To Go

It is another 40 days to go before i can see in person the Keeper of My heart. Nervous? Do not is a mixture feelings; like a bowl of Es Oyen (a dessert from  Agar-agar, Coconut milk, Condensed Milk, Avocado, Coconut, Jack-fruit, and off course ice cube on shredded). All the feelings are piling up in a small cubicle inside of my heart and brain. Since in my brain the permanent tenants are my strawberries shrubs and my darlings monkeys, it is kinda slummy there now.

Es Oyen.....sweet and nice to be served in a hot day, esp if
sweet nee  is the  one who serves  it  lol.

If you ask me how can i cope, well for sure i have my moment to be a drama Queen and a spoilly brat. But i also have my moment in enjoying the breeze. Though there is 1 fact that always makes me strong within this event. The prayers from all the people who love me, who love Raminku, and who are willing to pray for our unity. 

I might be an altruist most of the time, but for this case i am trying to be a Machiavellian in getting the prayers from people. Since in Indonesia people are still hiding and faking behind the mask of decency, so i sent as much as messages in praying those people -esp the one who gave a negative vibe over my marriage- and in the end they will pray me back for the things that they even feel disgust in supporting actually *cackling evilly* what can i say my lovelies, i do have a meanie mean strike also. I am a human also right. Besides, if we see from religion's point of view better give good things toward people who dislike us. So i am not really bad, just plotting a Machiavellian act upon a good deed, indeed it is good *nodding smugly*

So these 40 days before the big day.....and another 3 days after that before we sit together to do our vows in front of the witnesses. Pray for me my lovelies, for my prayers will go to you also.  

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Book's Review - Remembrance

This book is one of many books from Jude Deveraux, one of my favourite authors. It has been published in 1994 and republished in1997. It is a story about a storywriter lady, Hayden who has this obsession toward 1 of her heroes, Jamie. From this simple plot, it gets complicated because in one of the scenes, Hayden tries to join a time-travel experience to fix her past. From there the story reveals so many layers of Hayden-from the reincarnation lifes in which she has experienced in her previous live. She was Lady Catherine and many more until the source of the carma as Callie and her lover Tallis.
One thing i always dread in reading a story is when the author tries to bring as much as characters into her/his story. For if she/he couldnt keep up with each character, then the story will be like a sour taste in mangoe. A small dose is good for the mouth while if it is too much, it gives rickety sounds when you grith your teeth. Not nice.
But this lady, OMG....she can crack the fireworks nicely with all those characters in the past, about Jamie and Hayden and come back again to their future live. I love this book with my heart and wish to find it again someday, since my hard cover book was wasted away in the flood....*sighing* this is a good book lovelies. If you get your hands on it, dont let it go.

Friday, 22 March 2013

Creating My Own Fairytale

Hi all girls i used to hold my candle for romanticism when i was young. It is something that i cant put entirely the blame upon the Hollywood's influence nor Walt Disney's ideas in Cinderf***ingrella. Nope it is not their mistakes. It was purely my mistake in not accepting the idea that fiction and non fiction will never collide into the real time. That is too much lovelies. Life doesnt play in that way. In my 38 years life in which it will be 39 in the next 5 days, Allah Ya Rabb will grant anything that He deems right upon us without any qualm. But the key word is on His Way, not our own ways. So the happiness that we think it is meant to be happened for us, actually it is built on the sand. It is only an illusion that we keep on holding because we do not know the other fact except the one that we believe it is right. Pathetic right? Yes it is. But is that mean we can not have our dream like in the fairytales? Naaaa, dream it on my lovelies, just remember that a dream will be ended once the person is awake. It is only a live, it is not about life and death huneys.

And back to my topic, i had given up my dream to have a husband and family. Not due to my lack of wish but more to my understanding that somehow Allah Ya Rabb knows best what is best for me. So i redeemped my wish and continue with my single status. And when Raminku came in my life it was like ano shocks for nee. A nice and  lovely shock that i never dare to hope ever happened for me....but it is happening. I was and is still feel overwhelmed but we cant ask the gift from a horse's mouth right? So now me and The Keeper of My heart are trying to create our own fairytale as what we think is kaffah in Islamic's ways. We are still far from H.E.A aka Happily Ever After...since i believe it will come when we have passed Mashyar's Desert....after we die. So bismillahirohmanirrohim....insyaAllah Allah Ya Rabb guide, bless and protect us in our marriage and always protect our family on His Path amien. I am creating our own fairytale my go and build your fairytale in the most kaffah ways....and i pray Allah Ya Rabb will lead you the way also, amien.

Thursday, 21 March 2013

Stumbled Upon

".................For myself i pray for a good moslem, healthy and well proportioned wife who'd obey me and never answer me back. Who'd clean my house, cook and perform all the other duties of a good moslem wife."

This afternoon i stumbled upon this blog where the writer wrote a simple prayer above and somehow the words tickle my curiosity and irk my conscience a lil bit. Just a tinny whinny thingy. Honestly in my opinion i always consider that a do'a or a prayer is kind of the privilege of the doer. But somehow the wordings of it is kicking my sense as a woman lol. I mean oh come on my lovelies, seriously are you willing to be taken a wife just because of those qualities? No it is never about women's lib or something like that but even in Qur'an it is stated that your spouse is not only a part of your appearance but also a part of your ribs. I know mayhap it is the problem of the linguistics thus the prayer above sound so degrading for me as a woman, but hopefuly all men are not seeing their wives or partners as a satchel or in my Javanese culture,

                                                  suwargo nunut, neroko katut.
           (In heaven a wife is only a passenger of her husband's ride, but in hell they are the partner in crime)
See how unfair it is huh? And funnily this society is still allowing women's degradation in many aspects. Even it is done by those people who bragg to know bout religions......masyaAllah subhanAllah. What a blasphemy in itself. Commiting a high crime in the name of religions -i do think habbllu minnAllah should be equal with habblu minnanass, right?

And in my efforts in seeing other people's opinion bout it, i got stumbled upon this beautiful upload, and i feel glad alhamdulillah that there are a good understanding to support my believe. So i am not blindly using my akal for something that is important as this.

New Years

Few days ago i got this info from The Keeper of My Heart that yesterday was the new year for Persian people. He also mentioned a special do'a here. It states in here how beautiful is the do'a.

Bismi Shah Allah Allah

Ya Muqallib al-qulubi wa-l-absaar
Ya mudabbiru-l-laili wa-n-nahaar
Ya Muhawwila-l-hawli wa-l-ahwaal
Hawwil Halanaa ila Ahsani-l-Haal

O Converter of the hearts and the Sights
O Custodian of Day and Night
O Converter of Conditions and States
Convert our State into the best of States
For the full story of the event do check the link here.

And this remind me about an event in Java, noooo i do not mean that the event above is similar like in my culture. The event is called Satu Suro or 1 of Moharram On this event the animism dynamism rituals are colliding with the religious rituals. And it is still can be found up to now, especially in Solo, Yogyakarta and Bromo. You can find some of the pictures in here about it 

Unfortunately or luckily, i dont know which one do you think more appropriate my lovelies, that day is also known as the most powerful day in supra-natural world. So the atmosphere of that day is a lil bit dainty for nee.

Friday, 15 March 2013

The Heart's Games

Most of women do fall in the category of using their hearts more than their brains. But is it true? Is it true that heart and mind are the privilege of women? I do not think so. As long as i life on this janah, i have stumbled upon the opposite one. Women can be so fragile and dependent creature but in fact they are more calculative in any cases above men. Do you think that is not using the brain? Hah. It is using the brain. And only a beguile man will be so proud in saying women are not a creature with a brain.

I am not writing this referring to myself, nope. It is more to the surrounding. How in many cases women are the one who did the thinking but then they infuse it to the men so they can keep their men macho-ism and in the end those men can feel powerful enough. And only smart people can do it that way -finding a way and infusing it to others and posing so lola-subhanallah.

But that is not my aim in writing this upload. My intention is to show that heart mostly is the place where we deal with everything and anything. WHile most Ulama say that in our hearts each of us can find our Rabb's Spot, but how can we be sure it is Rabb who is speaking and not our ego or our evil side (*sowiiii evil, most of the bad things have been thrown at you, sowiiii). So in here i would ask to all of us to pray to Allah Ya Rabb to guide us into the best choice in every step since as long as the breathe is taken, a decision must be decided inside of our heart. And He is the Only One who can help us to find the truth.

  • يامقلب القلوب ثبت قلبي على دينك
    Yaa Muqallibal Quluub, Tsabbit Qalbi ‘Ala Diinik'

    Meaning: “Wahai Dzat yang membolak-balikkan hati, teguhkan hati kami di atas agama-Mu.”
[HR.Tirmidzi 3522, Ahmad 4/302, al-Hakim 1/525, Lihat Shohih Sunan Tirmidzi III no.2792]

  • يا مقــلـب لقــلــوب ثبــت قــلبـــي عــلى طـا عــتـك
    'Yaa Muqallibal Quluub, Tsabbit Qalbi ‘Ala Ta'atik'

    Artinya: “Wahai Dzat yg membolak-balikan hati teguhkanlah hatiku diatas ketaatan kepadamu”
    [HR. Muslim (no. 2654)]

Thursday, 14 March 2013

Be Grateful for Whatever It Is

These couple of days i learnt a lot of things bout myself and living on this Janah. Whatever perception we have will always be shake up by Rabb as long as it is not right or The Big Guy just wants to see our strength and endurance. That living is never about how many people you can help or how many good things that you have done or have you reach the target in your life. It is more about Him and always bout Him, The Solely Being. I used to brag in my heart that i am a traveler on His path. Is it????? Nope, zilch, nada......i am still stink with all the sins thus why every thing comes on me, i will always retaliate by asking Him, "Why me? What did i do wrong?"

One of my friends told me that if we are a traveler on His path, in one point then we can feel His presence on every breath we take. That even taking an air in your lung is already an ibadah or a good deed. That everything comes to us wont be accepted wrongly except alhamdulillah astaghfirullah or astaghfirullah alhamdulillah.  

Ya Allah The Most Beloved One, how can i be so ujub and riya with this akal that You lent to me to control my life?

These occurance do teach me a lot....Rabb to be more grateful than what i am now. To be more humble in front of You. Ya My Prophet do forgive Your people in gracing Your name and love. I am not worth it into Your protection but i am too coward to face the wrath of Allah by myself. Do forgive me.

Monday, 11 March 2013

Working With Your Heart

I always feel that Allah  Ya Rabb is working in the utmost wonderful way. And today it has been proven again and again. It is started with my conversation few days ago with my sister. We were talking bout how some people do not feel the beauty of their life and only complain about everything. At that time we were just stated that mayhap it is due to the different standard for each of us in seeing our own life, achievements and failures. I mean lets face it we do have our own ways in viewing those things. And those ways will lead us into how we judge our self. And this morning i was seeing a different example of that case. How you see yourself is going to be your downfall or your up-fall.

This morning i met someone that in my eyes are so perfect. She is beautiful to the tip of her toes, charming, soft-spoken lady from the uptight upbringing with all the branded things on herself and her bag. But she complained about everything. Starting from her zero size, her kiddies, her driver, her boring life and everything. And i was like in a gaga pose. Since it is like the scenes were being played by Rabb to give me another example bout life. When we think bout those menial things more than the portion, those will lead you astray till kingdom's come. But when you can find the essential things in life to guide you to Him, everything will follow behind. But like i ever wrote before my lovelies, whatever or whoever He is in your eyes and life, just make it sure it is only One and The Only One. So you wont stray away.....

Thus why working with our heart in retrospection or contemplation are highly recommended by nee. Trust your heart my lovelies....insyaAllah it will lead you to the right path.  

Sunday, 3 March 2013


Sampul Depan

I have read this book when i was still 11 or 12 years old. And somehow his story captures my heart till now. I may not have the power in reading the whole books (it has some series i believe it is about 4 bulky books) in my age now, because i know already how sad it is. But i still love it. Only if.....all the history can be put in a great book as such this one.

Saturday, 2 March 2013

From My Man...........

Every girl has their own kind of man to be waited for, to be longed for or to be cherished upon. And since i am also in the kind of girl criteria or mayhap a woman, i do also have that dream man to be hold to. And my kind of guy is never so much can be said or mentioned except one and the utmost thing, he must be a man hahaha seriously lovie as much as the words are full of jokes for obvious reason, but those words BE A MAN do have a lot of meaning for me. It has many implications that mere men wont be able to hold their shoulders straight when they are facing the whole meanings of those simple words. And alhamdulillah Rabb always bless me in seeing those kind of men in my previous years before i choose and found this lovely soul that i never hoped or even dare to wish to have. Yes i did have my moments in breaking hearted *rolling the eyes who havent huh?* but somehow those guys are giving me another facets of life that i took as a lesson in life. Yes, it was world shattering when it happened but life goes on and for sure when it is not the one, then it wont be happening. Lets face it my lovelies, living on this world without those sparks of love, jealousy, intricts etc then it wont be a life.

And back to my present state, i wont say that my man and i will be living in happily ever after, thats a bulls**t that has been sewn into our brains by this materialistics world to drown the real essence of live. To make people feel nothing when "fake" happiness arent able to be reached by them. In the end they will drive themself into nothingness creature that has been moulded by the world in which they join in creating. So funny how a creator -i dont mean Him The Sole Creator, but the creators of this havocs that we call modern life, materialistics world, advance world etc- can succumb so low under the feet of their own creations.....subhanAllah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah.

Am i too much of a silly chit my lovelies? Well, that is not what my aim in here. In here i just want us to see the real reason in living on this janah. Since those mission, vision and value are the base of your way in dealing and guiding your life. You dont have to bring religion if that is not your cup of coffee, but use your braniac brain that you hold dear more than anything. Are you able to synchronise the whole mission, vision and value of your life with whatever you are doing right now? If not, please retrace back to your core self. Do something to communicate within yourself. Live is too precious to waste away for a failure act. Approach this living based on your liking my lovelies, for He is there in the shape of whatever it is you are seeing Him. I call Him Allah Ya Rabb. Some of you might call Him as money? Happiness? Family? Whatever it is, it is Him for you. And these kind of lines are the one that makes me fall in deep in love with my man. He can bring serious topics into my strawberry brain. He sees something in my strawberry shrubs with all those monkeys. And he is willing to take my hands together to face the uncertainty of live with all the bleakness and the raging wars inside our souls.

Bismillah Raminku.....lets Allah Subhana wa Ta'alla guide us into a better mankind, amien.