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Saturday, 8 January 2011


I have known my friends in the office since the first day of my working. We have shared everything,from loosing a boyfriend, being rejected by someone, being stabbed by someone close by, loosing babies, realizing no chance in having babies, being left by a father and many other trivial and menial things also. In all those things, we always stick together to see it through. But now, when i am the one in the end of the receiver, to get a help, to get a lifebuoy....hmmm its damn difficult. Its humbling me, to show how "poorly" is my condition. How nee is on the edge of the edges.

Actually, the knowledge that i need all the supports and helps from others, are not something new for me. But opening up to others and showing your vulnerable side, arghhhhhh......believe me, its so embarrassing, since it means *in my lil head* that i am such a creep.

Funny how today, all those things that i have in mind, do not matter anymore. Seeing first hands, how my friends and family try to be persistent in their decisions, while i try to avoid it, finally make me tired.....for the love of all; my Nanny, family, best friends, me, and my Baby....i will go to find a help. I will try to make it through....with the bless of ALLAH Subhana Wa Ta Allah.