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Thursday, 13 October 2011

nee'slifeherepastandfuture: Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

nee'slifeherepastandfuture: Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

Things I Cant Accept As Javanese Woman

Iwas born in pure Javanese's family. The background of my family is the combination between Javanese's cultures, Moslem's ways and modernization ways that erase all those tight bonding acts from my ancestors. It does not mean i dislike to be called as priyayi Jawi* but it is more to some un-relevant rules, laws and concepts of live that i am unseemly can take it as my ways.

For example in Java, men are supposed to be our king, hmmmm reminding me of the song from Rihanna - California King Bed- sheeesh nee with her straying minds grrrrr. Lets continue please. As a king, they have absolute powers toward their objects which are women and children. These concepts can be working well if the Subjects are taking the responsibilities toward their wards like a duck in the pond. Too bad, some or even now most of those ducks are so wacky that is so tacky to give them such powers -in my opinions, if someone is asking, but offcourse since it is my blog, so it is always based on me- *grinning evilly* what i meant is like dealing with family's live. Javanese men nowadays do not know where their foods are processed, by whom, and how. Like a king they just wait all their objects (read : women) to do all the dirty jobs while they just sit cutey after their working hours. Not even giving a hand to clean the rooms, or just taking care the children to ease the burdens of their wifes or sisters or any women in their life.

That is only 1 aspect in real life. How bout taking a part in family bonds. Most men in my culture do not have any abilities to create a bond in their family. Everything is depend on the women's parts. Although Java is definitely not a Matrilineal, but somehow i feel like that lately. For example in my family, since the day my mamah passed away *blessed her lovely soul* we -the 5 of us- are like being considered as pariah due to no one was willing to bring us into the family's events. And to be honest, though i was so happy in avoiding those ole ladies who held all powers in our family, some part of me did hope to be accepted like when my mamah was still alive. So family is depend on the oldest lady in your trah.*

Another example due to those examples above, our men are becoming so spoil and dependent too much to our women that even they cant think, do or alive without us. Somehow this new improvement in my society do make me gag all the time whenever i see a macho man but he must wait his woman for anything. There was an example that i could not erase from my memory till today. One day when i choose to go to my aunty's home in other part of Surabaya, i went with a bemo* a common public transportation here. I watched a married woman carried her baby in her arm sitting next to me. Sitting in front of this dawdy lady is her husband. The husband looked so dressed up like he had all his time in front of the mirror. When it was already in their destination. The wife asked her husband to get off from the car. Then she followed behind. What shocking me and the other passengers was the way they got off. First the wife who in fact carrying their heavy baby was also carrying a bag. And while the wife tried to balance her "luggages" the husband just stood on the shoulder of the road to pose like a boring teen, not even offering to help his wife with the "luggages." Unfortunately, in the middle of getting off, the wife slipped from her high heels, and surprise surprise, the husband did not do anything. So all of us inside the car helped the poor lady to get off from it and brought the bag on the pavement. While we were surprised with this shocking event revealed in front of us, the lady added another shock by paying the fees of the transportation from her own wallet without any helps from the husband. So where is the proudness of being priyayi Jawi? Where is the gentleman act? Do we as Javanese women nowadays must choose to be The Man in our family, in our society and even in our job? wonder many women from my country choose to cross the side nowadays (no pun intended for the crossers, i support in diversity and free of choices) or even try to capture a foreigner with the hope to be treated humanly and womanly by them.

Notes - the meanings are being given freely based on nee's understanding:

priyayi Jawi - a way my people, Javanese call themselves proudly for with the name entails them to be so honourable and protect their names and dignity.

bemo - a car smaller than a minibus that can carry passengers around 12 people within the same route with the fee.