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Thursday, 24 January 2013

Papers Scrappers Definitely Is Not a Buffer

Menikah di Indonesia ternyata susah naudzubillah. Maaf keliru, menikah resmi KUA ternyata susaaaaah tingkat dewa. Mungkin tidak untuk semua kasus, tapi kasus kami sungguh begitu rasanya. Apalagi dengan pola jam kerja saya yang amburadul sebagai guru private,yang mana tidak mengajar berarti tidak ada pemasukan. Tidak ada pemasukan berarti tidak berani mengurus surat-surat karena semua memerlukan uang yang tidak sedikit huwaaaa *snort*. Bahkan untuk memulai meminta surat RT/RW tidak bisa karena 2 alasan; yang pertama pihak RT bekerja shift dengan jadwal tidak jelas. Dan karena saya tinggal di tempat dekat tengah kota sedang alamat KTP di pinggiran kota, jadwal kami selama ini tidak cocok *Boooook berasa pengen nglamar kerja jadi Aspri Pak RT or Pak RW biar bisa manage waktu sibuk mereka*.  Alasan 2 karena surat itu mempunyai kadaluarsa yang pendek. Padahal saya masih harus mengurus Akta Lahir yang hilang karena banjir. Dan selalu ditolak pembuatan surat kehilangan dari kantor kepolisian karena surat lahir saya terbit tahun 2000 sedang sistem komputerisasi baru tahun 2007 sehingga saya harus tunjukkan bukti kopi saya dulu baru mereka bisa menerbitkan surat kehilangan -mungkin karena tampang imoet saya yang bak ahli teror ayam kampung di kandang ya-. In which it is muskil. Karena sumpriiiit air hujan tidak memilah-milah dokumen saya, seluruh dokumen akte dan kopi hanyut. Sekali lagi jalan buntu karena ibu sudah meninggal, bapak menikah lagi dan tidak menyimpan surat nikah dengan ibu saya *memukul-mukul kepala dengan tangan* astaghfirullah astaghfirullah.

Surat kedua adalah passport. Passport tanpa akte?? Ngimpiiii. Tanpa surat nikah orang tua? Ngimpiiii. Saya sungguh merasa seperti gadis pemimpi. Bermimpi untuk menikah dengan kondisi begini. Nantikan betapa hancur jatuh bangunnya saya dengan birokrasi Indonesia yang cukup "ketat" dan karena calon saya berbahasa Inggris maka curcol ini dalam Bahasa biar saya saja yang stress makan batu lol. Or stress minum latte di expresso? Hmm mawuuuuu deli atuuuuh. InsyaAllah berarti sajadah perlu digeber kenceng dzikir perlu banyak sodaqah kucurin lagi tawakkal dikuwatin. Ya Allah Schatz-ku nemu jodoh dirimu aja butuh 38 tahun kaya orang dipingit. Begitu nemu Ya Allah subhanallah.

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Longing You

Tonight the sky is brighter than usual but i know with Your presence than my night will be tremendously bright. And as much as i feel these longing and craving of You tonight, but i feel calm, peacefull and at ease. Somehow those words bind us till next moment of seeing. Thank You for letting us flow with this calm breeze we call equilibrium. May Rabb bless this unity till the mashar place where everything will be revealed. Ya Haqq....Ya Rabb....keep us on Your path amien.

Friday, 18 January 2013

How Good Do You Know Someone?

The answer to that question is nada zilch. Because even ourself can not be easily understood by us sometimes. Scary notion huh? You tell me about it. And on every part of interaction it is not followed with the asterisk that states "Any permanent confusion or damage or misconception will be guaranteed by a new replacement" lol. So, bismillah and jump ahead lovies........for only with Him you can find securement.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

Sedih Tingkat Dewa

Sedih Tingkat Dewa

Gue sedih
Sedih kagak ketulungan
Mo dibilang lebay, emang gua ada hak, gua cewek, cings!

Mo dibilang kemesyok, lu coba jadi gua
Mo dibilang kufur ni'mat nah nie die yang gua takutin

Helep helep rasa di otak bumpet mampet kaya saluran air
Berasa semua do'a kagak ngebantu
Hufft gua loyo cings, mati kagak idup ogah

Dasar masalah dunia, bikin kampret
Bikin gua nyadar iman gua mah cethek kagak usah koar-koar bangsa pembicara di lapangan
Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah berasa pengen lariiiiiii sambil ndengerin lagu bang Rhoma "Lari Pagiiiiii"

Gosh forgive me king of dangdut, i quote Your name out of respect honestly.....


It seems asleep nowadays is quite an expensive, rare and unusual thing for me. And if i refer to all those pop physychology then i might have a huge stress on my shoulder *might be true* or i am starting my career as an insomniac again....gooooood Lord.

Last time i got it the treatment that i gave is very simple reading. Just read about 4 - 7 novels per night would always bring me to slumber from 3 - 5 am everyday for around 4 years. But when i was lucky, i could go to a dreamland from 1 am till Shubuh time.

So why did i exclaim then if the answer is simple???? Because i cant solve my problems due to my lack of understanding bout what are the problems and i lost the interest in reading. Now the last option falls to pray and listen the voice of recitation. Well hopefully Allah wont take those 2 answers also. For if He takes those two things also, then what should i do? Duh Gusti Pangeran e urip dumadi kulo maringaken sedoyo, kulo nyuwun pangapunten damel sedoyo kalepatan kulo.....

Wednesday, 16 January 2013


Two days in a row i woke up at midnight. If in the movies or stories the heroes or the heroines are waking up suddenly from their beauty sleeps in a beautiful poses but i was and am always wake up in a fish outside of the pond pose. With a thirst feeling and parch lips that i cant quench by drinking some dainty sips of water lol.

Last night i woke up from a bad dream. A kind of nightmare for me. I was in a big ship and saying goodbyes to people that i couldnt see the faces. I dont know who they are but nonetheless i felt the betrayal and some losts. And the ship moved on while i stood on the rail *noooo, not to jump over the rail and suicide* gosh lovies this is not a horror movie laaaa. Then i looked at the murky water. Subhanallah.....water is problem in the real life. Subhanallah.....wallahu allam bissawab.

But i could blame it on my uneasy feelings and uncertainty stage that i had last night with a situation i have.

And tonight, i dreamt of riding a roller coaster. Hmmm you might think that i will feel happy with the chance of experiencing it in a dream. The rush of the wind, the tight grips on the holder, and mostly the adrenaline. But you forget one lil tinny winny fact, in both dreams they are representing my phobias. I am afraid with water and height. Duh Gusti......sampun, kulo nyuwun pangapunten (Dear Lord...i ask for Your forgiveness). Dont give me a nightmare tomorrow bout knife. For then my small lil heart might burst out combustively without ado. Ya Allah Ya Rabb, what is my wrong doing? Did i accidently or intentionaly hurt Your creatures? Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah, do forgive me please?

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Talking With Sasie

Talking with Sasie while my Baby wasnt there is like a crazy moment happens again. I have known her since 2000. When she was a young dedicated girl with her family to support with that made her took 2 different kind of jobs. From morning up to 4.30 pm she worked her butt out in a company as a secretary. And at 5-8 pm she taught in my office as an English Tutor. And sharp after our office hours were done, we couldnt see a prim proper lady but she would be replaced by a goddess of night that would shake the dance floor till she couldnt stand lol.

As a person who loves to move with the music, i always admire her in juggling her activities but still able to enslave her body till midnight with the music in clubbing houses in Surabaya. No i wont judge or condemn clubbing masyaAllah nooo, its not and never my or our right to condemn others. For there are different kind of stages in life where nur or Allah's spot comes strongly toward you. And those thingies in your past, present and future will be your own responsible. Besides if i dont 'hold' my hijab tightly, who knows what will happen to me since loud and live music does entice and exhilarate me in a sense that i cant explain.

Sasi is a long lasting friend. My best friend who knows how crazy i am and also respect my needs to close to Him....without any snickering comments bout my crazy traits in which might be unwanted by those stuffy religious people.

Maybe thus why we stick together till now. Because knowing our differences in seeing Him. Our paths in looking for Him. Both of us are still travellers in life. We just support each other to find our own Moksa. SubhanAllah....insyaAllah till we are old ya Sie. Insyaallah.


Differences is a simple word that consists of 11 letters, 7 consonants and 4 vowels. Very simple. Very pack. But somehow the meaning is about differences. Differences in any kind and aspect in everything. Like people in Middle Java will say "Saras or sehat for healthy" people in East Java will say "waras for healthy" buuuut if you use the term in Middle Java "waras" they will think you are stating a fact to explain the health condition from a mental illness. Shocking how the same word can be giving us different meanings...subhanallah. Hillarious if you are not the one who stated it, but since i ever did it, believe me it is quite embarassing lol.

And this morning i faced another jlebzh *the sound of knife stabbs the flesh* moment. I am soooo ashamed in knowing my differences with someone that i hold dear, caused us into a corner where we have to back off and take a deep breath while saying astaghfirullah.....astaghfirullah. Life does give us many facets that we have to stay afloat not due to the survival only but how to immerse from every difference as a winner without compramising our deen, insyaAllah.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

23:26 On 12th January

Ano happy moment in live. Too bad it is not to be announced. Allah is right...smtm a happiness shouldnt be exposed due to many people are sad out there for whatever reason. Thank You Schatz-ku alhamdulillah.

Thursday, 10 January 2013


It's true lovieeeees.....*gulping the air as much as nee's can* that in this new and modern and sophisticated time in which is belong to Kali Yuga, to do a good deed that is hallal is considered difficult and frowned upon by the people. For example my wedding's plan *the sky opens up to drop the veneti* when me and hubby to be tried to approach in the religious side, most people close to me able to find the flaws on it. But when we try to bluff into the sinners' ways hmmmm no comment from anyone. Quite interesting how people nowadays face the right and wrong of the deeds....subhanallah.

I might be wrong in this hubbubs buuuuut at least it is my own mistake, to be faced, to be known, to be learned and to be followed in the end as long it is good.

Feeling Like A Piece of Meat

These days i do feel like a pond of meat in the market. Everyone says to have a claim on me thus give them a right how to cook me or just simple dish me out. Not a nice feeling, i can sure you. First because i don't really into meat since it gives me a lot of efforts in chewing it, then secondly because i feel like they know my life better than me, and lastly my own deterioration towards the hubbubs.

Many times in the past whenever i face this deadlock situation *though i am not thinking like that Liebe-ku* i always hope that i am purely a simple minded person with none whatsoever of inner wisdom that talks too much inside my head *just rest assure i am not a schizophrenic insyaAllah* but can a girl just wanna have fun pweeeeese?

Tuesday, 8 January 2013

No Title


Understanding is such a "funny" word in my opinion. Since in my simple mind it is derived from the words UNDER and STAND. So if someone roughly translates those 2 words combine into one it will definitely give different meaning from the one that we normally know. It will be known as a pose where the speaker is standing under something or if we dig deeper it will be another meaning of submission over something hmmm. And in the end this word is just showing the leniency or giving up over something. Very different apart huh? But that is how my brain is working. And subhanallah though the literal and nee's meanings are sound so simple but in the application is so difficult. So difficult....