Bereft One

Somehow on this New Year's Eve my mind is whirling around many things. Like it doesnt want me to take a rest and lay down as my usual habit when it is my holiday time. No Siiiir, it doesnt want to stop thinking.
Last Friday i talked with one of my students and we were talking bout her demise father on 11th December 2011.

She told me about her lost. How she is missing her daddy's existence in her life. How she feels sorry for not saying goodbye and told him how deep she loves him. How in her entire life she will not be able to hold her head high for she is not yet starting to repay her father deeds.

I think those questions do appear every time we lost someone. But do you see the correlations between these questions and my writing bout the previous topic? Actually the bereft one only think bout themselves when they do these reprimands. Am i being cynic or cruel? Maybe both.....or i am just trying to see it from a different perceptive.

I lost someone that i love 26 years ago. The pain does not ebb away, but it is reducing gradually. On my mourning time i did the same way like my student. Until someday something snapped my mind to reality. That above anything else she is belong to Allah Ya Rabb. That by having her in 12 years of my previous life is like a bless among everything. That what i have with her is not comparable with any other experience that i might have in the future. Who am i, a small thing in this world tries to fight over the faith? The faith that has been mapped out by The Greatest Lover Allah Ya Rabb.....

On that day i was jolted to my reverie from my sleeping ignorances. That Allah does lend everything that we have like we rent a house from a landlord. When the lease is out, it is no wonder we must accept the conditions. He has all the rules and regulations under the contracts that we signed. He never asks a payment just the trust. Our trust for His paths. A path that somehow with our braniac minds are being twisted by us for our own needs.

Maybe my words are so cynical, but do yourself a favor. Being a crumple soul for a lost should not make you a weak person. It is supposed to strengthened yourself....somehow someway.