Blessings In Disguise

Dear Lord,
I am nee, one of Your creatures on Earth. Such a weakling thing that we call our self human. Oh Lord The Merciful One....i was swept away by this experience of live that i was not prepared. Yes i might be naive even ignorance mayhap for my state of mind now.
Oh Lord The Only Being in live, how can i stand still in front of You when having last night occurance i was like nothing. I was lost and beaten up without any way to return. I was cold, cornered and only the thought of Your love that ties me to this sanity. How dare i say i am devoted to You when "only a small" event can bring me to the bring of insanity and destruction of my understanding about my ownself.
Dear Rabb Ya Haqq Ya Rahman Ya Rahim as much as i say astaghfirullah it will not change how low my deen was last night or even in live.

Yes last night occurance was world shattering event that i hope i can be a wiser one to face it in case it happened again insyaallah......but i also find something...that my deen once again is not as strong as i hope for. That my prayers, tenets and all might never be enough to reach a higher maqom that i am hoping for. That die in khusnul chotima may only be a dream for me. Astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah........help me Ya Allah The Owner of my sinful soul