In My Corner of Seat

I am sitting down here
But hey you cant see me
Kind of invisible you dont sense my stay
Not truly hiding, not like a shadow


Those are some parts of the lyric of Lene Marlin - Sitting Down Here. Funny how those words are calling my beast to roar so loud. Calling some old memories in my Pentium II brain, among my strawberries' shrubs. Those words fly directly through all the files and go to 2001.

And just like in a movie, the scenes, lightings and atmosphere were changing into "it".

In my life i often feel as a liability among my peers, family or anywhere i stand at the moment. I often feel so lost within this world, like i am not suppose to be here.

But there was a time, when i met my half. Just like a canine, i felt he was the one the second i saw his dawdy appearance. My inner side growled MINE....MINE. Now mind you, i am quite fanatic in reading Non Human romance hehehe. But honestly, at that time, i realy wanted to claim him as mine and put him chained, pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen. Upsss....i cant impregnated him lol.

To make the story short..... all the awkwardness were nothing as long as i knew he was there for me. All the misplaced parts were being put nicely on the puzzle of my life. I felt that my purpose in life was to make him happy, and we will have a happily ever after. Preeeeet* ;p . Well it was not, it was the biggest hoag in my entire living. For as much as i loved him, he is the only person who put the biggest pain in my heart till today.

Do i feel dissapointed with the ending? Naaaa, it is life. When i put my heart on a plate for someone, the end can be described easily. Whether i am going to get H.E.A (Happily Ever After), or the worst one, H.H.M.p Heaven Helps Me..puhleazzz lol.

Though the stories are so poorly copied like a 3rd grade of cheap romance movie, i do feel that he was there to educate this lil ole nee that love is not always like her understanding from all her romance books collection he he he.

But somehow that era in life is the most dangerous part in my entire livinghood. I was so drugged of the love that we had. Though now i can smile and enjoy the happy and sad moments including when he was soooooo worried to introduce me with his family just because i have more piercings than he can hope for wkwkwkwk. As people who admire pierce and tattoe know, all those things are being done for a reason. Like my pierces are emphasizing something in my life.

Well life goes on, he is there with his family and chubby daughters. Nee, is in here with all her "ghosts" to be conquered day by day. And like i often say, when it comes to others' happiness, i am willing to let myself hurt. When Allah gives me a chance to come back to the past, i will never change it a lil bit, not for me, and not even for you.

Note :
* preeeet is the expression that nee uses for showing disagreement, joke, cajole or in those kind of senses.