My Oh.....My

Tonight was started in a very nice event. I met my ex workmates in a social chatroom that is quite famous nowadays in Indonesia. Everybody who is someone will have it on their gadgets. It is like "a must have" list. Do noted here i do not infuse a sarcasm due to my action in having this lil thing that i mentioned above lol. Am i being a double standard person??? Definitely yes lovies, i am hehe at least in this case, that case, those cases hahaha now you catch me red handed.

Back to the topic then i realize how often we have these emptiness inside after such a great time just because you finaly know that for your short happiness you have hurt others? For the so called nice time you were eating your brothers/sisters' meat - ghibah? Subhanallah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah....as much as i love the silaturrohmi now i am questioning myself. Why i did those horrible things whenever the chances arise? Why cant i be the sound of wisdom in the dire of needs? Why i am so lame while i am not a novice on these kind of occasions? Why Ya Allah Ya Rabb the taste leaves bitter one on me now? Ya Rabb The Lord of the Merciful, forgive us, forgive them and forgive me. I am lost in this battle.

A Thought To Be Shared

I got a snippet from my dear one bout his upload in one  of his blogs. And this thought is something that maybe many people do not realize it, including me. Or maybe you know it but never thought it. Whatever it is without any ado....if you read my blog it means you will also like this one. A new knowledge is always good lovies....so read it http://qalandar-haqqali.blogspot.com/2012/12/no-sunni-no-shia-just-muslim-some.html

You

You said we have to come to You in our needs

But i am too stubborn to heed it

You said we will be granted everything within our right

But i ignore it too

You said we must believe on Your plans

And i do believe in them

You said the path that You gave might be difficult

And i do believe in them too

But why my mouth, feet, brain and heart are so "arrogant" in following those?

Why cant i be such a whining clingy soul toward You?

Were there some differences among us that You created?

Am i not "those perfect" objects that are including the chosen one?

I want to come to You

I want to bare my shattered soul

But i am ashamed Duh Gusti....i am ashamed

My souls and heart are only full of this world's problems

I am ashamed My Rabb.....astaghfirullah i am ashamed for being shattered because of mundane things 

How Do I Love Thee

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
from Sonnets from the Portuguese
                    XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

http://www.potw.org/archive/potw218.html

Who do you think "thee" in here? When i was a student in Poetry 1 up to 4, i always felt so warm and tingle every time i read it since i was thinking it was purely a love poem. But now i rethink it over, esp if we read her bio, the way she devoted her life in literature, religion and her family. Go check on the link http://www.potw.org/archive/potw218.html there you can find what i mean here. So different is our mind when we were still young and when we are getting older is. It might be wrong what i think now....she is the one who knows well what is it....100%.

This Afternoon

This afternoon as usual after i spent my 'useless time' for nothing i came back to my boarding places. A small place where i can call my home and though they are below the standard of some people incl in my big family but those are mine-not in the sense of ownership but those places are from our own efforts, alhamdulillah. Believe me, accepting the concept of what you have might better than others is like a never ending battle for me. But once again Rabb gave me an eyes opener toward my drama queen's act. In the public transportation  i met a young unkempt mother with her 3 toddlers....all of them looked so dowdy, dirty and unkempt. At the first sight astaghfirullah.....i am ashamed...i was sooo judgmental over the situation. Starting from blaming her in letting herself to get 3 children if she cant support them -how snob was i huh? who am i to judge they are not happy with the conditions- what kind of husband that she has not to protect his family in all  the senses. Gosh i was so hoity toity....then i realized. That picture was given by Rabb to make me forget my problem. ,That my sadness, my bluest, my depression are N.O.T.H.I.N.G compare to them. How grateful i am now to have a place as luxurious as i have with an income that me and my sister can find, with our health, with our abilities to share Ya Allah....forgive my arrogance, forgive me in seeing dunya sometime as my highest kursy....while Your kursy is what i have to fight and get for?

Di Wajahmu Kulihat Bulan - I See The Moon On Your Face

This song reminds me of Raminku someone who loves the night time with its mystique moments....by the way this song was recorded in 1938 so thus why the quality is not as good as what we are hoping for. The original singer is Sam Saimun (this guy on the pic) was a famous Keroncong singer from Indonesia.

SHUBUH TIME

How different is every hour that He creates.
As a starter is Shubuh time.
So intriguing with all the magick colors in the horizon.
Almost the same like the one at Dusk, but so very different in many parts.
But will you ask Shubuh time for 24' 365.5 days forever?
Naaaa there wont be any dynamic in life then.
Its different due to a reason(s).
We just have to find those reasons, to avoid being un-grateful creature, who can only whine and whimper if the need and want un-answered.
Remind me Rabb whenever i find those pebbles in life like what i met lately, amin.