A Letter For My Readers

Dear Readers......Assallamuallaikum,
I am feeling a lil bit overwhelmed lately toward the animosity in all of you reading and dropping by here though i dont know each one of you, i do hope you are good, fine and sound in your part of the world. I do realise that i am quite active in uploading my empty rants these days. And belive me, its not because of important reasons or heroic reasons, it is because i am too nervous in facing my un-known future. Resigning from your great job with a fabulous entailments will do that somehow lol. But like i have said many times here, insyaallah i do it ikhlas and willing to take the consequences for my harsh action. But Allah will not change a destiny of someone when the person doesnt try it first right? So, resigning is the first stepping stone, handling my haywire nerves with writing here is the second, the third is travelling to Solo, the closest city of my 2nd favourite city, Yogya. Then i will insyaallah start to apply and look for a job. So do bear with my rants. It might be getting heavier or crazier depend on my emotion. Pray for me readers, as i pray for all of you to get something from reading these rants of nee. Spread out knowledge lovies.....for it will come to you in abundance.
Wassallamuallaikum
Khoda Hafiz
nee

ps this song doesnt really related to my rants, i just cite the lyric "You should be stronger than me" to boost up my spirit and fortunately this is my fav song for this week. RIP Ammy....

Try My Cheese Cake?

Have you ever fallin in love? Have you ever broken hearted? Have you ever being stabbed by someone among your trustee one *psst its not a literal meaning of stabbing lah* and if your age is already in two digits i believe you have been experienced it many times. Even when we were still in one digit age, some of us did have the misfortune in bumping up with it. Sometimes the pains and the impacts of those horrid things will follow us till we grow that in the end will only bring bitterness in our life or hatred toward others for no other reasons besides the feelings of unfairness.

http://www.azcookbook.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/cheesecake2.jpg

I am not a shrink not even a guild member of pop prep that is quite famous lately. Since i am also bringing my own baggages that sometimes they pop up like a persistent spam emails lol. But i always imagine that my heart in this life is like a whole cheese cake. Every betrayal, hurt, broken heart, double cross experience, or other bitterness in live, will be taking a small slice of my cake. Yes my cake will be hollowed but Allah The Merciful creates us with the highest liabilty to be the khalifah-a leader among the living thing. We are created by Him with the concept of alpha male or female. We arent created to be an Omega. He doesnt plan us to be a second class creature so we have the best way to recuperate by closing the hollow in our cake. The way to do that wil be depended on your wisdom....just believe me you arent alone. We all experience it *offering my piece of cake to you*

http://uhaweb.hartford.edu/MURZYN/images/CheeseCake.jpg

Writing Feedback;: Coming Soon Miscegenist Sabishii

Somehow in my journey to read a story in the internet i stumbled this writer in one of the reading-site. And i do feel up to know that my stumblin ungracefull path was so lucky. The way she writes is so amazingly touching and sensuous in which in my 38 years now i feel her stories can be my companion stories to sumberland lol. And believe me, i used to feel that any kind of stories from Mills&Boon or Paperback were enough to quench my thirst in romance genre and English enhance vocabularies. But when i found her among other authors in the site that i followed, the dynamic of stories in the site capture me till now.

I can only say that if you are a romance's lovers, needs a dose of real things without loosing the pinky cloudy frilly, then go to her blog. Four thumbs up for this lady *bowing respectfully toward Pep*


Writing Feedback;: Coming Soon Miscegenist Sabishii: Coming soon to Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble What do you do if you’re a black man in all ways except one; on the outside? That is...

Another Stepping Stone

Slowly my eyes drift away into slumberness pose and all my pent up emotions are starting to play one by one inside my limbo's state. Those good, bad, sad and happy experience that i have felt in this building are stumbling down and piling up without any warnings. Gosh.....it has been almost 6 years i always wake up and step my feet inside this office. The office that i choose as my Kawah Candradimuka* in my life as a khalifah*. The place where i was hoping to be my last place in working since i dont believe in labelling myself as a footloose or a person who loves to move around just for the sake of salary, achievements, challenge or any material things, i am not. I will be content as long as i can work with my muse* and all the proffesionalism are there. Mind you i dislikes challenge and competition, though i love to do my job as perfect as i can, but at least i am doing it in my own pace. Thats what i like but as usual what we want is not always what Allah Ya Rabb is ready to give.And that is happening to me, again. I plan this is my last office since i love all the things here but somehow there are something missing. I lost my muse. Somehow in my journey i lost my spirit in doing my job here. Cant blame others or situation. Its my own making. Since life is not what you want but how to make it into something that you like.Mayhap it is due to my motto, if someone gives you lemon, cut it into tinny slices so you can enjoy it for a longer time.Showing how unprepared i am about the future, no kidding....i am the most phobic person about future. I prefer to let it flow and be the best in it. Mayhap i should be like the old saying, if someone gives you a lemon, squish it.

But like everything in this world, a new beginning will end up somewhere. A new start will definitely lead into a finish line. And yes...26th May 2007 was my new start in this company i am working on, but 1st November 2012 is the finish line for my career in it. I met great people in literal meanings and spiritual meanings. I faced the love from my students and friends but i also felt the hatreds among the prejudices. But thats common right, for me those are the balancing in life, at least when i can find my muse. But when the muse is gone, i feel empty, i feel like a robot, working for money and nothing more and nothing less. Mind you i dont and insyaallah will never underestimate someone who works with their minds go to the digits in their bank's account. Unfortunately i am not shapping myself to be like that *sniffs sniffs* i wont allow myself to be depraved of the joy of the muse and spirits in waking up every morning to face my job. I am a selfish b*tch, i wont allow myself to face that situation.

And just like all the characters in Javanesse Wayang, i have overdone my staying in this Kawah Candradimuka, i need to find another place to apply my knowledges into a new job, and i am sure this is for the best. So here i am, humbling my logic to accept my idealist mind to quit. Foresaking what the future might give us, bismillah insyaallah Rabb will help.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://wayangku.files.wordpress.com/

Kawah Candradimuka is a terminology taken from Javanesse Puppet that is considered root from Mahabarata's book from India. The name itself refers to a place where we will experience the hard training or deep contemplations to increase one physically and mentaly. These powers were experienced by all the Puppet characters to achieve their sacred powers and sacred tools aka keris or bow or etc just like Gatotkaca, a super hero character in Wayang-Puppet in which always known as someone with wire muscles and iron bones.
http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gatotkaca

Perception

How deceitful perception is in our life. I just hang up my phone with one of my acquintances. We were talking about perception. The funny thing is this topic has been swirling in my head lately due to my decision in resigning from my job, officially on the 1st of this month without any job to back me up or support me lol, crazy much huh? Naaaaa, it is not. Its purely logic for my illogic way of life. because if you know me, you will realise that i always do big decisions in life after consulting with Rabb. I might be a free hobo in acts and way of talking but i do not dare to take a big decision without His consent due to my worry in becoming un-grateful brat *in which i ever experienced it when i was young* when i was having a war with Him because He took my mamah -rest her soul- and left me stranded only with my siblings to hold on to. Oh lordy.....seee this strawberries head make all of you confused with all these straying topic lol. Back to the main topic, perception.

So our conversation -me and my acquintance-  steered to this topic, perception among adherents of different religions, beliefs, or even opinion. And everytime i stumble upon similar things, i always remember my mamah's words about 1 surah lakum dinukum waliyadeen, in free translation it is about how other's religion is not other's right to judge. I might be wrong in here do forgive and correct me if i am wrong. But somehow this surah to understand that differences are not supposed to be dwell about. Its our own personnal right. More than Human's Rights. But once again i am not an expert of Quran i am just nee the smallest figment on the world that tries to life harmonically with all the disrepancies and differences that Allah has dished out for all of us to see and those unseen walls that have been erected by us the human, the tenants of this beautiful jana*. Subhanallah....perception, a simple word but it can be so mean in the application. I mean how many examples that we know from the history that the fact wasnt like that but due to a perception the impact was a tragedy. Lets start with the famous epic romance from Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet - a gut wrenching  story http://en.wikipedia.org/wikiFile:Romeo_and_juliet_brown.jpg . Because of their perception and assumption that the feud among the Montague family toward the Capulets family was unbreakable, two lovely souls killed themself. Nope i dont say that i agree for killing ourself for any reasons, but somehow with  perception comes assumptions. With assumptions come the worry. With the worry comes the decision that usually has been usurping by the negative emotions. And then the results of those devious thinkings might never be good. So why dont we sit down together and clear the air. When the differences are too hard to be  faced, why cant we take a deep breath and start to chant lakum dinukum waliyadeen or whatever prayer that you use to make you find a patient and just accept the differences gladly.

I am not a scholar not even a good moslem, just trying to be a better one on every step. But i believe respecting others' opinion, deed, belief, religion, decision and many more are showing how mature and wise you are. Dont you think each religion and modern's beliefs agree with these concepts? So lets start the new day by respecting others in many aspects unless what they are doing is breaking the rules, norms, or hurting other members. Wallahu allam bissawab.

note:
jana is the world

My Office Now....Not Later on

The 4th of us....
(Lenny, Santi, me and Bayeks)

From 3 into 4 and back again into 3

(Santi, Lenny and me)

Here are the crazziness that i had with all of you guys. I loveeeee ya all.....though mayhap i never show it as much as i can. nee the creature in the corner, the green manic from our office, the e-Mak for all of you, the wong tuwek now i will say good byeeeee.

The Last Meal with ET's members - Sitara 2012 (pic property of nee's)

Gosh we do love to take a shoot huh, just like Raminku said lol. (pic property of nee's)

My newest baby...will you miss your e-Mbok Re?  (pic property of nee's)

Posing in front of BASRA...hushaaa!
(Kecil, me, Nugi and Uut)  (pic property of nee's)

We do owe pak Ajay for allowing our creativity in posing running wild..... (pic property of nee's) .

Funny Feelings

Here i sit on my messy bed writing to you
Listening to K-Pop music as loud as my headphone can blare in my ears
But the feelings are not so beating up like the music
It is like my body, mind, heart and my fingers are moving to different points
Though they are not pulling me into obviousness

My ears are not synchronise with my other parts of the body
My heart is oozing the blood slowly with the pains of saying goodbye
While my hands are typing nothingness though i need this theraphy for my sanity

Ya Allah....i want to cry but what for?
Dear Rabb The Merciful i want to rest my turmoil and skip these days till then
Till i say goodbye to all the things that i hold dear
But i cant, its time for me to blow the pipe...since i am the piper



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAbokV76tkU