Another Stepping Stone

Slowly my eyes drift away into slumberness pose and all my pent up emotions are starting to play one by one inside my limbo's state. Those good, bad, sad and happy experience that i have felt in this building are stumbling down and piling up without any warnings. Gosh.....it has been almost 6 years i always wake up and step my feet inside this office. The office that i choose as my Kawah Candradimuka* in my life as a khalifah*. The place where i was hoping to be my last place in working since i dont believe in labelling myself as a footloose or a person who loves to move around just for the sake of salary, achievements, challenge or any material things, i am not. I will be content as long as i can work with my muse* and all the proffesionalism are there. Mind you i dislikes challenge and competition, though i love to do my job as perfect as i can, but at least i am doing it in my own pace. Thats what i like but as usual what we want is not always what Allah Ya Rabb is ready to give.And that is happening to me, again. I plan this is my last office since i love all the things here but somehow there are something missing. I lost my muse. Somehow in my journey i lost my spirit in doing my job here. Cant blame others or situation. Its my own making. Since life is not what you want but how to make it into something that you like.Mayhap it is due to my motto, if someone gives you lemon, cut it into tinny slices so you can enjoy it for a longer time.Showing how unprepared i am about the future, no kidding....i am the most phobic person about future. I prefer to let it flow and be the best in it. Mayhap i should be like the old saying, if someone gives you a lemon, squish it.

But like everything in this world, a new beginning will end up somewhere. A new start will definitely lead into a finish line. And yes...26th May 2007 was my new start in this company i am working on, but 1st November 2012 is the finish line for my career in it. I met great people in literal meanings and spiritual meanings. I faced the love from my students and friends but i also felt the hatreds among the prejudices. But thats common right, for me those are the balancing in life, at least when i can find my muse. But when the muse is gone, i feel empty, i feel like a robot, working for money and nothing more and nothing less. Mind you i dont and insyaallah will never underestimate someone who works with their minds go to the digits in their bank's account. Unfortunately i am not shapping myself to be like that *sniffs sniffs* i wont allow myself to be depraved of the joy of the muse and spirits in waking up every morning to face my job. I am a selfish b*tch, i wont allow myself to face that situation.

And just like all the characters in Javanesse Wayang, i have overdone my staying in this Kawah Candradimuka, i need to find another place to apply my knowledges into a new job, and i am sure this is for the best. So here i am, humbling my logic to accept my idealist mind to quit. Foresaking what the future might give us, bismillah insyaallah Rabb will help.

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Kawah Candradimuka is a terminology taken from Javanesse Puppet that is considered root from Mahabarata's book from India. The name itself refers to a place where we will experience the hard training or deep contemplations to increase one physically and mentaly. These powers were experienced by all the Puppet characters to achieve their sacred powers and sacred tools aka keris or bow or etc just like Gatotkaca, a super hero character in Wayang-Puppet in which always known as someone with wire muscles and iron bones.
http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gatotkaca