One day, i will have a strength to face these demons in mine.
One day, i will move forward from my pains, one step at a time.
One day, i will get my muse to build my Taj Mahal...my presentation of love to people in my life.......
But, just not today, just not today....
I promise you, even if i'll die in trying to make those happens i will. Just bear with me.
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
Saturday, 8 January 2011
Relationship
I have known my friends in the office since the first day of my working. We have shared everything,from loosing a boyfriend, being rejected by someone, being stabbed by someone close by, loosing babies, realizing no chance in having babies, being left by a father and many other trivial and menial things also. In all those things, we always stick together to see it through. But now, when i am the one in the end of the receiver, to get a help, to get a lifebuoy....hmmm its damn difficult. Its humbling me, to show how "poorly" is my condition. How nee is on the edge of the edges.
Actually, the knowledge that i need all the supports and helps from others, are not something new for me. But opening up to others and showing your vulnerable side, arghhhhhh......believe me, its so embarrassing, since it means *in my lil head* that i am such a creep.
Funny how today, all those things that i have in mind, do not matter anymore. Seeing first hands, how my friends and family try to be persistent in their decisions, while i try to avoid it, finally make me tired.....for the love of all; my Nanny, family, best friends, me, and my Baby....i will go to find a help. I will try to make it through....with the bless of ALLAH Subhana Wa Ta Allah.
Actually, the knowledge that i need all the supports and helps from others, are not something new for me. But opening up to others and showing your vulnerable side, arghhhhhh......believe me, its so embarrassing, since it means *in my lil head* that i am such a creep.
Funny how today, all those things that i have in mind, do not matter anymore. Seeing first hands, how my friends and family try to be persistent in their decisions, while i try to avoid it, finally make me tired.....for the love of all; my Nanny, family, best friends, me, and my Baby....i will go to find a help. I will try to make it through....with the bless of ALLAH Subhana Wa Ta Allah.
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Jealousy Is So Lousy...
Honestly, i am feelin a lil bit jealous of somethin i cant control....but its not a negative feelin, since it doesnt make me into a destructive one. The feelin makes me do somethin better, like forgeting the problems and moving on with my life *denial.mode* i believe, like love, every emotion is worth it on their own way. I will have to enjoy it, as much as i glorified the love that caused me this jealousy.
Like my Love keeps on saying, "Jealousy is petty," and pettiness is not something that we hope for in life.
Like my Love keeps on saying, "Jealousy is petty," and pettiness is not something that we hope for in life.
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Cant Iron Out For Others
Future is something that all of us cant know clearly. Even though we know Sight-sayers, Fortunetellers, Oracles, Shaman, Indigo's people or whatever is the terminology, they do not know the real future in the whole aspects. There are something that they cant cover. But somehow though we are not one of those predicate, actually we can still 'read' what the future will bring to us, from all the clues, signs, facts and stories that happens surround us. Its not something mystic or supra natural things, just a comprehension toward the things that come to us. Very logic....no hoccus to poccus kiddooo.
And lately i have a big question to ponder inside my "lovely brain*" and later i will explain bout my brain ya....
The question is quite simple, if we can "read" future with all the facts, clues, nuances and everything surround us, can we apply those knowledge to us and to give some insights for others? Can we share it for others' advantages? And can we make them "follow" what we are assuming is the right one? Based on what reasons we think that we are right in choosing the path for them? By doing those are we showing our arrogance to the lesser ones? But as a social person, don't we have a strike to help others, and due to that reason shouldn't they "accept" our suggestions though it might sound like pushing them to the edge with it lol.
And with all those knowledge above that we have, from the "reading" that we made and the love that we hold for others, we cant still plan their future, since every body has a right to make their own bed. Basically, its not bout what you know to avoid disaster for others and how to iron out others' people live, but how strong is our bond with those people to let them create their own mistakes in life.
And lately i have a big question to ponder inside my "lovely brain*" and later i will explain bout my brain ya....
The question is quite simple, if we can "read" future with all the facts, clues, nuances and everything surround us, can we apply those knowledge to us and to give some insights for others? Can we share it for others' advantages? And can we make them "follow" what we are assuming is the right one? Based on what reasons we think that we are right in choosing the path for them? By doing those are we showing our arrogance to the lesser ones? But as a social person, don't we have a strike to help others, and due to that reason shouldn't they "accept" our suggestions though it might sound like pushing them to the edge with it lol.
And with all those knowledge above that we have, from the "reading" that we made and the love that we hold for others, we cant still plan their future, since every body has a right to make their own bed. Basically, its not bout what you know to avoid disaster for others and how to iron out others' people live, but how strong is our bond with those people to let them create their own mistakes in life.
Friday, 24 December 2010
Just Dont Leave Nee, Puhleazzzz!
To be left is something that i dislike...in all kind of relationships, i always start it with trepidations of being left alone. In Runaway's Bride - Julia Roberts, is having the same problem whenever she has romantic's entailments, but for me, its done for all kind of relationships. Those thinkings are blocking my prayers since i do believe that actualy good results are the manifest of good prayers in which its also the influence of positive thinkings. So no wonder i am still alone though never lonely, thanks God.
But since we are talking bout me myself, i wont rip and trash myself sooooo deep lol. Because i do believe that everything is happening for a good cause. And those people that i left behind actualy are not mine to be owned for whatever is the purpose. Though sometimes i just hope that someday, one day, i am strong enough in saying my commitments and believe enough with them.
So, in almost all paces of my live, i do pray to The Big Guy, "Just lemme find their faults before they leave me when they find out they cant be with me in the future. For it will shatter me into pieces." and since no one is without faults...it left me with a bitter taste somehow.
But since we are talking bout me myself, i wont rip and trash myself sooooo deep lol. Because i do believe that everything is happening for a good cause. And those people that i left behind actualy are not mine to be owned for whatever is the purpose. Though sometimes i just hope that someday, one day, i am strong enough in saying my commitments and believe enough with them.
So, in almost all paces of my live, i do pray to The Big Guy, "Just lemme find their faults before they leave me when they find out they cant be with me in the future. For it will shatter me into pieces." and since no one is without faults...it left me with a bitter taste somehow.
Thursday, 23 December 2010
Friday, 17 December 2010
Music vs Musac
Mood - Bouncing like a ball
Music - The playlist with Joanna Wang, Susan Wong and Sabrina
Place - On the green chair
Music and muzac are something that cant be separated in my life. I may not be the next Jean Michelle Jerre nor Kitaro the guru of music, but i am good in deciding a good music, at least for my own ears lol.
Playing music do release my stress and pressure in life though i havent touched my instrument since a decade ago hehehe.....but dont get wrong idea, i can play music, i can find the notations, and i even joined a marching band. They put me in charge to play Bellira, an instrument thats quite simple for talented musician, but oh noooot for nee. A simple march notations in a song can be changed into a requiem lol. So thats the end of my career as a musician, though music is in my blood, i will let those talented people to do it, before many people jump to the river just to avoid my horrible music lol.
Music - The playlist with Joanna Wang, Susan Wong and Sabrina
Place - On the green chair
Music and muzac are something that cant be separated in my life. I may not be the next Jean Michelle Jerre nor Kitaro the guru of music, but i am good in deciding a good music, at least for my own ears lol.
Playing music do release my stress and pressure in life though i havent touched my instrument since a decade ago hehehe.....but dont get wrong idea, i can play music, i can find the notations, and i even joined a marching band. They put me in charge to play Bellira, an instrument thats quite simple for talented musician, but oh noooot for nee. A simple march notations in a song can be changed into a requiem lol. So thats the end of my career as a musician, though music is in my blood, i will let those talented people to do it, before many people jump to the river just to avoid my horrible music lol.
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