Another Stepping Stone

Slowly my eyes drift away into slumberness pose and all my pent up emotions are starting to play one by one inside my limbo's state. Those good, bad, sad and happy experience that i have felt in this building are stumbling down and piling up without any warnings. Gosh.....it has been almost 6 years i always wake up and step my feet inside this office. The office that i choose as my Kawah Candradimuka* in my life as a khalifah*. The place where i was hoping to be my last place in working since i dont believe in labelling myself as a footloose or a person who loves to move around just for the sake of salary, achievements, challenge or any material things, i am not. I will be content as long as i can work with my muse* and all the proffesionalism are there. Mind you i dislikes challenge and competition, though i love to do my job as perfect as i can, but at least i am doing it in my own pace. Thats what i like but as usual what we want is not always what Allah Ya Rabb is ready to give.And that is happening to me, again. I plan this is my last office since i love all the things here but somehow there are something missing. I lost my muse. Somehow in my journey i lost my spirit in doing my job here. Cant blame others or situation. Its my own making. Since life is not what you want but how to make it into something that you like.Mayhap it is due to my motto, if someone gives you lemon, cut it into tinny slices so you can enjoy it for a longer time.Showing how unprepared i am about the future, no kidding....i am the most phobic person about future. I prefer to let it flow and be the best in it. Mayhap i should be like the old saying, if someone gives you a lemon, squish it.

But like everything in this world, a new beginning will end up somewhere. A new start will definitely lead into a finish line. And yes...26th May 2007 was my new start in this company i am working on, but 1st November 2012 is the finish line for my career in it. I met great people in literal meanings and spiritual meanings. I faced the love from my students and friends but i also felt the hatreds among the prejudices. But thats common right, for me those are the balancing in life, at least when i can find my muse. But when the muse is gone, i feel empty, i feel like a robot, working for money and nothing more and nothing less. Mind you i dont and insyaallah will never underestimate someone who works with their minds go to the digits in their bank's account. Unfortunately i am not shapping myself to be like that *sniffs sniffs* i wont allow myself to be depraved of the joy of the muse and spirits in waking up every morning to face my job. I am a selfish b*tch, i wont allow myself to face that situation.

And just like all the characters in Javanesse Wayang, i have overdone my staying in this Kawah Candradimuka, i need to find another place to apply my knowledges into a new job, and i am sure this is for the best. So here i am, humbling my logic to accept my idealist mind to quit. Foresaking what the future might give us, bismillah insyaallah Rabb will help.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://wayangku.files.wordpress.com/

Kawah Candradimuka is a terminology taken from Javanesse Puppet that is considered root from Mahabarata's book from India. The name itself refers to a place where we will experience the hard training or deep contemplations to increase one physically and mentaly. These powers were experienced by all the Puppet characters to achieve their sacred powers and sacred tools aka keris or bow or etc just like Gatotkaca, a super hero character in Wayang-Puppet in which always known as someone with wire muscles and iron bones.
http://id.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gatotkaca

Perception

How deceitful perception is in our life. I just hang up my phone with one of my acquintances. We were talking about perception. The funny thing is this topic has been swirling in my head lately due to my decision in resigning from my job, officially on the 1st of this month without any job to back me up or support me lol, crazy much huh? Naaaaa, it is not. Its purely logic for my illogic way of life. because if you know me, you will realise that i always do big decisions in life after consulting with Rabb. I might be a free hobo in acts and way of talking but i do not dare to take a big decision without His consent due to my worry in becoming un-grateful brat *in which i ever experienced it when i was young* when i was having a war with Him because He took my mamah -rest her soul- and left me stranded only with my siblings to hold on to. Oh lordy.....seee this strawberries head make all of you confused with all these straying topic lol. Back to the main topic, perception.

So our conversation -me and my acquintance-  steered to this topic, perception among adherents of different religions, beliefs, or even opinion. And everytime i stumble upon similar things, i always remember my mamah's words about 1 surah lakum dinukum waliyadeen, in free translation it is about how other's religion is not other's right to judge. I might be wrong in here do forgive and correct me if i am wrong. But somehow this surah to understand that differences are not supposed to be dwell about. Its our own personnal right. More than Human's Rights. But once again i am not an expert of Quran i am just nee the smallest figment on the world that tries to life harmonically with all the disrepancies and differences that Allah has dished out for all of us to see and those unseen walls that have been erected by us the human, the tenants of this beautiful jana*. Subhanallah....perception, a simple word but it can be so mean in the application. I mean how many examples that we know from the history that the fact wasnt like that but due to a perception the impact was a tragedy. Lets start with the famous epic romance from Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet - a gut wrenching  story http://en.wikipedia.org/wikiFile:Romeo_and_juliet_brown.jpg . Because of their perception and assumption that the feud among the Montague family toward the Capulets family was unbreakable, two lovely souls killed themself. Nope i dont say that i agree for killing ourself for any reasons, but somehow with  perception comes assumptions. With assumptions come the worry. With the worry comes the decision that usually has been usurping by the negative emotions. And then the results of those devious thinkings might never be good. So why dont we sit down together and clear the air. When the differences are too hard to be  faced, why cant we take a deep breath and start to chant lakum dinukum waliyadeen or whatever prayer that you use to make you find a patient and just accept the differences gladly.

I am not a scholar not even a good moslem, just trying to be a better one on every step. But i believe respecting others' opinion, deed, belief, religion, decision and many more are showing how mature and wise you are. Dont you think each religion and modern's beliefs agree with these concepts? So lets start the new day by respecting others in many aspects unless what they are doing is breaking the rules, norms, or hurting other members. Wallahu allam bissawab.

note:
jana is the world

My Office Now....Not Later on

The 4th of us....
(Lenny, Santi, me and Bayeks)

From 3 into 4 and back again into 3

(Santi, Lenny and me)

Here are the crazziness that i had with all of you guys. I loveeeee ya all.....though mayhap i never show it as much as i can. nee the creature in the corner, the green manic from our office, the e-Mak for all of you, the wong tuwek now i will say good byeeeee.

The Last Meal with ET's members - Sitara 2012 (pic property of nee's)

Gosh we do love to take a shoot huh, just like Raminku said lol. (pic property of nee's)

My newest baby...will you miss your e-Mbok Re?  (pic property of nee's)

Posing in front of BASRA...hushaaa!
(Kecil, me, Nugi and Uut)  (pic property of nee's)

We do owe pak Ajay for allowing our creativity in posing running wild..... (pic property of nee's) .

Funny Feelings

Here i sit on my messy bed writing to you
Listening to K-Pop music as loud as my headphone can blare in my ears
But the feelings are not so beating up like the music
It is like my body, mind, heart and my fingers are moving to different points
Though they are not pulling me into obviousness

My ears are not synchronise with my other parts of the body
My heart is oozing the blood slowly with the pains of saying goodbye
While my hands are typing nothingness though i need this theraphy for my sanity

Ya Allah....i want to cry but what for?
Dear Rabb The Merciful i want to rest my turmoil and skip these days till then
Till i say goodbye to all the things that i hold dear
But i cant, its time for me to blow the pipe...since i am the piper



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AAbokV76tkU

Rainbow Cake

Have you tried Rainbow Cake? Yes, i have and its not as what i hope for though its a beautiful cake in  the shape and colors that it represents a rainbow. Few months back when it was such a huge happening everywhere in Indonesia, i was a lil bit taken aback with the animosity for this particular cake. Yes i did have a curiousity in tasting this morsel that was considered as the most wanted cake at that time. And the animosity was increasing for me due to the price. For a slice of this colorfull cake was about 15,000 - 25,000 rupiahs. And that is considered expensive mind you, at least for me lol. Since i dont have sweet teeth and will feel reluctant in spending those amount of money just to try sweet thing. But offer me a tasty dish or food then i will run as fast as a bullet in front of you. Do you think i am stingy much huh? Naaa just being a realistic one. Those considerations irked my interest, and like normaly happen in human's life, curiousity will bring creatifity *cackling evily* so i cajoled, begged, cried *i will do my charms in getting what i want sometimes lol* to make my sister and cousin who are considered as the cheff in our family. And walla....one of them did make it for me as a surprise act. And since i am not that fond of surprise, the taste did surprise me. I mean come on, with that amount of compliments, moans, whines and ads bout it, i was thinking it was as good as the wordings. But noooooo, the surprise was on me *insert the song by Bee Gees - The Joke Was on Me* i dont like it bleeh. I hurted my cousin in my lacking of comments, my lack of appreciations and definitely my lack of appetite in finishing that beautiful cake that she has made with her love  especially for me. I felt sad, forlorn and could only blame myself.

http://www.incrediblethings.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/rainbow-cake1.jpg (A slice of Rainbow cake)

That example above is a normal thing in our life right? We plan, map out and create what we want in our life forsaking what He wants. Then because we know Allah ya Rabb is the only thing we can ask to fulfill our hopes, we beg, cajol, whine, insist, threat and cry persistently in our prayers. It is right, do ask to Him whenever you need something. but dont you realise that what you are begging for might not be given due to his knowledges that in the end we wont like or need it anymore? Just like a lil kid we ask something only for the good things and differ for the negative sides. Now do you still want to be like a brat? Fabiayyi 'ala irobbikuma tukadziban...Fabiayyi 'ala  irobbikuma tukadziban...Fabiayyi 'ala irobbikuma tukadziban...

Cats.....Miauw......Meong

http://tyrannyoftradition.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/cutest-kitten-hat-ever-13727-1238540322-17.jpg
Such a lovely creature huh? Subhanallah

http://www.dailypets.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/06/cutekittens1.jpg
This kitty definitely thinks many things....

Since i was young my fascination toward this carnivorous mammal has been peaked. It might be related to my first appearance in this world was as Bastet the goddes of cats *serious tone here* honestly i was a lil bit in the hard time when i was contemplating whether i was The Eye of Ra or The gorgeous Cleopatra lol. But since my love toward cats are stronger than my love in beauty, there was no contest there.

http://kittentoob.toobnetwork.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/cute-kittens27.jpg
Can you avoid her cute face hmm?

Until today i even cant explain why these deep love i always have for any cat. They can scratch, bite or do any nasty thing and i will still love and adore them. They are like a constant cheerfullness in my life. And somehow Allah Ya Rabb allow this feeling to grow abundantly since everytime i have a problem, feeling sad or just purely feeling down, He lets a cat or some cats to appear in front of me in their glorious cuteness subhanallah alhamdulillah.

So if others need to find their equilibrium from many sources which are costly or difficult one, i am so gratefull and bless to have this simple antidot for any ailments that i have. Seeing their cute acts, their faces subhanallah now i am smiling widely.

The Feelins

Feelings are fickle things that cant be controlled, just like what i wrote last time. They do have their own way to shock the cores of any human. It can show their uggliness or their angelic face. We dont know which face will be there for us.

Somehow these feelings are the core of our actions.Though Allah Ya Rabb bless us with the highest part in all His creations, brain, the emotions are still playing the most important rules in human's life. I even ever heard from someone that in the case of suicide, there is only ions second for somebody to loose their grip in life and commit the suicide subhanallah.

So how can we manage or control these beasts in our self? The emotions that can be so destructive when it looses control though sometimes it can be so wonderful to create great things? For me the answer is dzikir and praying. It might not have to be sounded so loud for others do not need to know we are singing His praise, not as much as our soul. For the modern people who do not believe in religion or separating their life with their religion, this concept might be absurd. Though for me its not. I consider it like some people prefer to listen instrumental to soothe their souls. Mine do the dzikir. Some people do the chanting of the mantra. While nee goes for the dzikir. As simple as that. Different actions for achieving the same target-to ease and soothe the worrines inside our heart and emotions.

So when basically all human kinds in this world are aiming this concept, why cant we respect and tolerate each other. So what if the applications are different? The most important is the ending right?