These are my rants, thoughts, and worms inside of my strawberries' brain. Do enjoy it if you love ranters like nee, drop it if it is not so important :p thank you luuuuuv.
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Tuesday, 27 November 2012
PICKY MUCKY ME
Do you realise that some people are different because of a reason? Sometimes the reason is so ridiculous for others and sometimes it is purely made up by the person. But i suggest you not to hit the grovel first if i were you, before you know the a-z facts. Lets take a seat and enjoy the breeze lovies, and have the tape rolls itself in revealing the whole story and reason.
In my family and acquintance, my eating dissorder is quite famous -they label it, never me, due to be admitted almost 2x of mal nutritions- and as much as i try to come clean, the grovel has been thumped. Like a map of files that got a stamp RESOLVED lol. While actualy i would like to stand and raise my hand and shout "Objection Your Honor!" but this is the reality. This is the 'fact' that they "can" see. I must accept the inscription of EATING DISORDER on my forehead like a tattoo.
Actually this so called of an eating disorder started when i was young. When i was young i got forbid to eat many kind of food because of my poor health and allergic. With the medical knowledge at that time, the doctors -see the plurals in here, doctors were like my BFF at that time since i saw them at least 1 in a week lol- forbid me to consume some list of food, namely; egg, cheese, milk, fish because of my skin's allergic with a high protein food. All kind of fruits and raw veggies because of my gastritis And don't forget those factory's snacks that will always bring me a bad throat-ache, swollen thingy etc. And what kid can remember all those lists huh? Me? Are you kidding me...???? So forgot i did. And if i forgot my mamah or papah would remind me wherever it is the occassion. Where all ears could hear and make their pity eyes zoom on me *picturing the soap opera series where the camera zooms on a person twitching nose just to emphasize a thing lol*. Then fed up with those pathetic eyes i made a pact with myself, better to look so rebellious than to be pitted Maybe now if i go to see the doctor they will give me the medication, in which i have enough for it in my life time, so being a picky mucky me is a better choice than seeing pitiness. Its not right but its okay....*song by Whitney*
ps - next time story....from missing tutu into a high addict that i plan to create a rival AA Group with TuTu Group. And the shouting will be "Hi...i am nee. I am a tutu lover..."
I heard the word of Kali Yuga for the 1st time when i taught a Hindustan lady, Ibu Endah. She taught me a lot bout her belief that i feel floored up to now, how come a smart and wise lady like her feels that sometimes she is nothing subhanallah....subhanallah....while for nee, i feel amazed till now and that the road, source and from where the iqro we will never know.
In most of my life i rarely let loose my mouth and emotion to run amok when there is a confrontation. Though i believe in life we have 2 options in dealing a problem -confrontation to clear up the air and let it go mentally and spiritually- usually i choose the last part and stay the heck away from the person for worying to create another havoc if i cant redeem my emotion. But somehow people love to choose the 1st one. I dont mind if they are the one who is doing it, but God's forbid if i do that because even in my ears it sounds so lame. The words are sounding like an excuse over an excuse. Thats why i prefer to be silent. Because somehow my explanation is bording to empty excuse that i dislike myself in hearing it. Better to straigth up yourself for the impact of your/not action and hope Allah will bless for the best.
Another reason why my explanation is not important is because i will be too emotional and loosing the grip that in the end will hurt others. Believe me thats not a good option. Or its not even an option insyaallah if i can help it.
He is such a handsome creature huh *sighing and drooling of Kenshin Himura* no wonder many female fans of anime love him so much including me though i am not an anime lover. Actually I do have a big penchant over Japanese historical esp Samurai. I dont know it might due to our past time *Japan was one of the countries ever "stayed" in Indonesia thus why my irks arise to know why they did what they do and i stumbled upon their history* And it was developed well when i was a student and my mamah gave us an allowances that me and my siblings *those cra#y bunch choose to collect the money to buy or rent a book including Musashi by Eiji Yoshikawa. It is so romantic and touch my deepest hart. I dont say romantic in the sense of love among the lover but the concept of beauty in life has been represented nicely there.I read it when i was about 12 years old. And still until today i love it. You can check here http://books.google.co.id/books/about/Musashi.html?id=FWNor84X_vQC&redir_esc=y this book is consist of some sequels *in Indonesia i believe it was divided into 4 or 5 thickly books* The title are following the hands movement of those ninja Earth, Water, Fire, Wind, and Lightening. The way these books touch my heart and thought are like the ole literature that i read when i was at school *daydreaming of those great books.* Knowing those good books can only remind me once again about the lost of those wonderful culture and society. No i do not say the ole time is always good. But i think it will be wonderful if the ole and the new era can combine their goodness. Since something that we often found from the ole generation but almost lost in the new generation, goodness, kindness, gallantry, and being modest. I do not know is it due to modernity, technology or what. It seems the good ole ways are loosing their feet among us nowadays. Whether they have norms, religions or conscious, people nowadays steer to be so different and create their own ways of thinking. So is it true this is the last era of this mother earth? The apocalypse that has been dread by many people but we help in fastening up the speed to come? Wallahu allam bissawab.
Laying for all to see the wounds, the scratches and the ruptures those are the fact
No ending, at least for now.
It will somehow
Just keep on counting the tick tock
And it will be stopped and locked
