Mourning

Life is just a long path but a short time journey before eternity.

When we lost someone who do we call ourself?
We call ourself the mourners due to the mourning period that is bestowed upon us by the society and the norms

Drabbing ourself in black, white or any color that represents the lost we are numb
A numbness that should be asked again about the originality

As the mourners we mingle with the atmosphere and nuance to deal with the emptiness inside
Those feelings intertwine with other visitors' emotion create a colossal drama for each demise

But do you realize that the burial is not for the mourners

The burial is not the place for them to show their lost

The burial is not a stage for them to overboard others' lost or sadness just to show other people how lost they are over the demise

No, it is not even closely, since it is for him.....who lost his chance to say goodbye to all of you before his last breath....
It is for him....to 'see' all of you before he is 5' under the ground
Remember him for his good deeds and pray for his eternity's journey

http://www.wattpad.com/3369340-mourning

Note - I put this poem in wattpad few months ago and it seems tonight it is a good reminder for my lost of someone so "bright" in her short span of life in this world. Rest in peace Fifi may Allah bless you the best place there amen. Inna illahi wa inna illaihi roji'un

Peddycab's Driver

Since i was a kid i do love to go with this transportation. Its so refreshing due to the cold breeze that i can feel dancing on my face, and also somehow this traditional transportation can bring a lot of things in my life. By sitting in it i can experience many phases in life that i normally do not feel in a modern time. I can enjoy the rythm in my beloved city Surabaya from a slow point though my surroundings are so crazy and hectic with activities. I can fuse with the calmness of the becak's driver. With the additional special music from the rolling wheels and the friction from the tyres with the asphalt and all the rickety noises....heaven.

In my city this type of becak is for goods and especially for the green grocer's sellers. See the seat position of the driver, its higher to help him in seeing the road in case the goods are piling high.
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1290/845534838_464d58bdc2.jpg

And today as usual i choose to go with becak though i can go with the cab. I always feel that sharing my transportation's fees with as various transportation as i can find is good for my conscience hahaha. And i choose this old man, too bad i am too ashamed in asking his name. And if you believe that i am a shy person, then you will also believe that a pig does fly lol. enough with my straying....let me continue. This nice and respectful guy is from Lamongan one of the cities in East Java, around 43 km from Surabaya. he was born in Lamongan and finds his fortune in Surabaya as a becak's driver. Somehow i got a little bit flabbergasted when he said that he is 67 years old. I mean he looks much older than that -i compare with my papah, he is 76 years old. I got speechless. He is already lost some agilities but he is willing to work with his fragile bones to pedal the becak to wherever we want to go. Subhanallah.....Allah Ya Rabb....may we the young generation can learn something from his humble self.

Even while he pedaled, he answered all my silly questions.

Now i believe you start to ask my cruelness in choosing him as my driver. Well lets see, in my opinion, he is on the street because he has too much dignity to be a parasite for his kids and waiting for nothing except for dying. So why we dont help him by choosing him to go as long as its not in rush, not too far, and dont forget the tips. And the last is make it sure your weight is not too heavy lol. Seeing this i asked some questions toward him and the more i talked to him, the more i respect him. With his age, he still respects younger people like me. He tilted down the becak so i can put my heavy self nicely *such a gentleman huh* he spoke very polite in a very good intonation and educated vocabularies though i can still trace his original accent. Subhanallah.....so very different with some cabbie's drivers that i met, though not all mind you. Alas.....most people do lost their human instincts because of modernity. Hope to see these kind of becak's driver again and again. if you want to find him while you are in Surabaya, do go to Gubeng Street in front of Shiloam hospital. He is always waiting passenger there.   

posing in front of his becak proudly.

Check this site if you want to know more about becak.
http://id.wikibooks.org/wiki/Profil_Becak_di_Indonesia/Sejarah_perkembangan_becak_di_Indonesia

Post Hectic Blurs

Funny how easy for a human to switch their habit when the drive is strong.....now i wake up leaizurely....doing my things slowly while enjoying this lil heaven of mine pseudo as an un-employed stage. But Rabb i am not complaining...nor i want to beg more than what i can chew now.


I can do what i was planning on long long time ago. Room's major repairements, heavy cleaning and just breathin in and out as a homey person rather than being a homey person on every weekend like what i did before.

Now i am enjoying my late brekkie-a glass of cereal- listening to this song...and planning what i can do to create jobs and money without killing my youth slowly but deathly....

Aku, Kamu dan Cinta-Nya

Dear.....ini aku dengan hatiku yang terbelah membuncah dengan rasa

Yang....ini aku dengan keakuanku yang menganggap hatiku adalah untukmu
Honey.....bukankah hatimu adalah milikku dan hatiku adalah milikmu?

Lalu dimanakah DIA berada Schatz?
Dimanakah kuselipkan cinta termegahku untuk-Nya?

Kamupun berujar....Beib hatimu dan dirimu adalah milikku
Waktu dan nafasmu untukku seorang

Lalu dimana kau letakkan cinta Rabb-mu Lovie?
Di kedalaman hati yang mana kan kau selipkan cinta terbesarmu untuk-Nya itu?

The Finale Curtain

My last day of working in my little heaven on earth is over. The most dreading moment -saying goodbye- was over on 31st of October 4 days ago. Though it was a sad one at least it was not as gruesome like what i had picture in my head, alhamdulillah. To spare my blue and sad feeling I even stay away from my lappy for sometimes to avoid my bottle up emotions to spill out without any guidance. My giant man said that enjoying something in their own pace times are better than doing it in rush. So those were what i was doing, staying in my lair while licking my wounds of my own creations.

These things are something that we as a human doesnt learn again and again. That somehow we dread something that might not be as horrifying as what we thought. I was worry over my own emotions and alhamdulillah its not as saddening as that. I was worry that if i quit from my previous job then i will be crazy like a headless chicken. Well alhamdulillah since i choose the decision because of Him, i feel fine and already get some offers in some short time jobs, subhanallah alhamdulillah.

I hope it will be another learning process for me and hopefully for you to my lovelies. Life is not as unpredictable as what we thought or as horrifying as what plan out as long as you have Him. And believe me you can change the word HIM in here as much as you want to. It can be your God, your belief, your conscious, your money, your lover or whatever and whomever. Just hold Him dear and start to be tuma'ninah* with it. For me because i am a moslem so He represents my Rabb, my Greatest Lover, my Allah the Only Being for me. One thing is for sure, do everything in life with a lot of convictions and trust.....so even when the finale curtain is dropping down, you are still standing still and tall *starting humming Conte Partiro* 

notes:
tuma'ninah - a peacefull and serene act usualy it is used to relate with a prayer act

Panda's Eyes

Hi do you realise that when we cry most of us will look so blotchy, swollen, and dont forget reddish nose and skin. So why in the world most of the romance's authors from the crinoline's* era up to the short pants era still use those lines about how lovely and attractive are the heroines are in her crying stages, snifflings daintily and still can create a havoc in the heroes' hearts? Why do those authors give a false fact toward us? believe me i never see someone cries so perfectly. And especially for me, when i cry to much i lost my abilities in breathing lol. So you can imagine those 1st - 2nd lines there plus the fish's pose of opening and closing the mouth hahaha. Well the crying was happening on my last day of working in my job. And though i already said to my head, yes i do talk with my heaad sometimes though those shrubs are impossible sometimes, shouldnt apply eyeliner on my eyes, but did you think my head heeded that notion? Nooooo, it didnt. So i did my make up as usual and applied the eyeliner. So after the first crying i projected the nice pic of Panda's eyes lol. Here we go folks....the living proof of nee with a pair of panda's eyes.

So gals, please make it sure, wear only eyeliners and mascara when you are not going to cry....its embarassing enough with the blotchy and the puffy eyes without the addition of blackened eyes.

Snippets From This Morning - 1 Day Before

Working in a female world do have a lot of advantages especially for nee who is socially awkward if i must face male population. In my head i only divide male population into some categories; my family or mukhrim where i can be who i am and they will still be there and support me, my friends in which very small numbers because i never want to close with male friends to avoid fitnah and complications, the men who love me in which luckily are not so many so i can feel comfort, and  the last is the baaaaaad guys the one who are prejudice, shallow, rich, handsome, and mostly hate a woman like me lol. I dont know in every chance i will meet this last kind of men. Maybe because my characters are inviting troubles like a moth to the light lol. But definitely for the last one i am always so warry and afraid. Mayhap due to these warries somehow i choose a job that can lead me into women's world only -at least in my opinion lol- to be a teacher.

This craziness in posing Chibi-chibi aka Indonesian style that adopting from Korean's famous style. Do you think we are cute enough? I think i am lol. (pic courtesy of nee lol)

And how right i am, since i got my 1st job until now my 5th jobs, my peers mostly are women though there are some of the males but they are not overpowering us, lets say it is 14:1 lol. Believe me that working with the same sex do have a lot of disadvantages but many more advantages hahaha. One of those is the joking. As you might get a grip that i love to joke. And mocking and joking to each other is one of our habits, yes i know it might be cruel to some people but believe me we do it because we love each other *scratching the head confuse to explain* ouch...just let me give you some of our extravagant news today in my office.

View from the outside of my pantry in Mandiri's Building at eve. (pic courtesy of nee lol)

This morning as usual we were waiting for students to study or coming to the classes. We were leizuring the hot uncold AC's room in our building. Well as you know that creativity will sprout up when people are oppressed. In our case it is different, our craziness will arise when the air temperature is boiling hahaha. So suddenly one of my friends started this snippet about how our celebrities were  bragging their participations in Ied Qurban by mentioning the numbers of the animals they slaughtered and how many poor souls were killed for those braggers *ups astaghfirullah nee, naughty naughty* while on the other hand there was a girl from a very poor family, living with her family in a small hut in a slum area *do imagine the bag lady's home in your area* but she planned to buy a goat for her mom. She would like to make her mom happy by joining the festive. Since she only got Rp. 500,000.00 while the price for 1 goat was Rp. 700,000.00 she haggled her way to get it by telling the truth to the farmer. Alhamdulillah the farmer is willing to sell it for that 'small' amount of money but ask for the fee of the delivery. When the time arrived to send the goat, the farmer got shock, the girl's living place is not adequate and he foregone the fee. Subhanallah....this is the fact story. After hearing this story we heard some sniffs and scrunched of tissues, mind you we are crazy but we are very much an empath *hope you trust it*

In the end yes i can say this office is just like Kawah Candradimuka, we learn everything here; jobs, profesionalism, friendship, craziness, and religions whatever is your religion. For basically religions are in our bloods and every breath we take. But somehow some of us just want to separate them with our life due to the 'burden' some of us feel.....find your God lovies whatever it is including money but be sure to be profesional with it....wallahu allam bissawab.