Nothing To Be Worried About

Have you ever thought who will you be in the next 10 or 20 years ahead? I did....and it was such a great glimpse. I saw myself as an ole woman who has everything that her heart fullfills with. Do not get it wrong, it is not about the materials gaaah, it is more about the inside. And i feel glad up to now in having that glimpse.

Somehow i can find my lil ole nee that i used to see 30-34 years ago. Pathetic huh? I am pining to my ole self  that i lost in the battle of live long time ago just to afloat in the missery of live that i have created by myself. Live can be the bottom pit of hell if we think of it as it is, but it will be a heaven should be when we can feel each bless in it.

But d*mn....if i can keep my bubble cheerfullness all the time. I cant. I lost, again, and i am stuck with this nee before i can see the glimpse of my future to fill in my broken soul.

Worries - Juwaswisu Fisudurinnas

In live feeling worries dorries morries will never disappear from our mind and heart. It seems the more we use our akal and heart the more they haunt us with many possibilities. SubhanAllah my lovelies....this is a dangerous war on each of creature. It will be handled differently on each conscious. We might not get the similar answer or way to solve each war among us, but one thing is for sure; He is there to be talked to, He is there to be cried upon.....even armed with all the pamungkas do'a sometimes in my dire need i can only recite this surrah An-Nas and chant Allah's name. Astaghfirullah...astaghfirullah astaghfirullah......may all of us being protected until the last day we breathe this free air on this world, amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.
http://quran.com/114

My Lunch

in a clock position from the square close to chilli are; Tahu Isi or Stuffing Tofu,
Pohong Goreng or  Fried Cassava and Jipang a rice crispy

This is my lunch, off course considering if i would like to consume it. As you can see it is the collection of frying food. Gosh no wonder i get this lump in my throat like i am about to get cough. And eating fried food is something that i can say as one of our national problem *palming the face*

The habit has been put inside our brain that food is fried food. And even though my healthy feakish mind tries to avoid it as much as i can considering my sickness, but somehow my taste buds can only be appeased with those kind of food. It is quite ridiculously stupid for a cancer survival to do what i do. But astaghfirullah that is human. We are so lame when we are in a bad condition but ignore the guidance when we are okay.

It kinda reminds me about an ole wisdom words from my country;

Nafsu itu hanya sepanjang lidah manusia

(The need is basically only as long as the human's tongue)

In other words most of us do consider that any kind of needs that is actually so short. And if we compare the whole organs with it, its 1: 0.0000000.......it is so small that it might not be able to be grasped by my strawberries' head. But most of us do depend on those needs above everything. Why? How come? SubhanAllah.....masyAllah....lets find our right path lovies. I might not be right in life but i am trying to be a good person. And those efforts might never be enough for some people but hopefully insyaAllah Rabb can accept it amien amien amien Ya Rabbal Allamien.  

Bubuy Bulan

This day i feel so blue, lets pick up this song to emphasize the greelue feeling. Just do not get carried away too much my lovelies. It is only a life.

40 Days To Go

It is another 40 days to go before i can see in person the Keeper of My heart. Nervous? Do not ask.....it is a mixture feelings; like a bowl of Es Oyen (a dessert from  Agar-agar, Coconut milk, Condensed Milk, Avocado, Coconut, Jack-fruit, and off course ice cube on shredded). All the feelings are piling up in a small cubicle inside of my heart and brain. Since in my brain the permanent tenants are my strawberries shrubs and my darlings monkeys, it is kinda slummy there now.

Es Oyen.....sweet and nice to be served in a hot day, esp if
sweet nee  is the  one who serves  it  lol.

 

If you ask me how can i cope, well for sure i have my moment to be a drama Queen and a spoilly brat. But i also have my moment in enjoying the breeze. Though there is 1 fact that always makes me strong within this event. The prayers from all the people who love me, who love Raminku, and who are willing to pray for our unity. 

I might be an altruist most of the time, but for this case i am trying to be a Machiavellian in getting the prayers from people. Since in Indonesia people are still hiding and faking behind the mask of decency, so i sent as much as messages in praying those people -esp the one who gave a negative vibe over my marriage- and in the end they will pray me back for the things that they even feel disgust in supporting actually *cackling evilly* what can i say my lovelies, i do have a meanie mean strike also. I am a human also right. Besides, if we see from religion's point of view better give good things toward people who dislike us. So i am not really bad, just plotting a Machiavellian act upon a good deed, indeed it is good *nodding smugly*

So these 40 days before the big day.....and another 3 days after that before we sit together to do our vows in front of the witnesses. Pray for me my lovelies, for my prayers will go to you also.  

Book's Review - Remembrance

This book is one of many books from Jude Deveraux, one of my favourite authors. It has been published in 1994 and republished in1997. It is a story about a storywriter lady, Hayden who has this obsession toward 1 of her heroes, Jamie. From this simple plot, it gets complicated because in one of the scenes, Hayden tries to join a time-travel experience to fix her past. From there the story reveals so many layers of Hayden-from the reincarnation lifes in which she has experienced in her previous live. She was Lady Catherine and many more until the source of the carma as Callie and her lover Tallis.
One thing i always dread in reading a story is when the author tries to bring as much as characters into her/his story. For if she/he couldnt keep up with each character, then the story will be like a sour taste in mangoe. A small dose is good for the mouth while if it is too much, it gives rickety sounds when you grith your teeth. Not nice.
But this lady, OMG....she can crack the fireworks nicely with all those characters in the past, about Jamie and Hayden and come back again to their future live. I love this book with my heart and wish to find it again someday, since my hard cover book was wasted away in the flood....*sighing* this is a good book lovelies. If you get your hands on it, dont let it go.

Creating My Own Fairytale

Hi lovies....like all girls i used to hold my candle for romanticism when i was young. It is something that i cant put entirely the blame upon the Hollywood's influence nor Walt Disney's ideas in Cinderf***ingrella. Nope it is not their mistakes. It was purely my mistake in not accepting the idea that fiction and non fiction will never collide into the real time. That is too much lovelies. Life doesnt play in that way. In my 38 years life in which it will be 39 in the next 5 days, Allah Ya Rabb will grant anything that He deems right upon us without any qualm. But the key word is on His Way, not our own ways. So the happiness that we think it is meant to be happened for us, actually it is built on the sand. It is only an illusion that we keep on holding because we do not know the other fact except the one that we believe it is right. Pathetic right? Yes it is. But is that mean we can not have our dream like in the fairytales? Naaaa, dream it on my lovelies, just remember that a dream will be ended once the person is awake. It is only a live, it is not about life and death huneys.

And back to my topic, i had given up my dream to have a husband and family. Not due to my lack of wish but more to my understanding that somehow Allah Ya Rabb knows best what is best for me. So i redeemped my wish and continue with my single status. And when Raminku came in my life it was like ano shocks for nee. A nice and  lovely shock that i never dare to hope ever happened for me....but it is happening. I was and is still feel overwhelmed but we cant ask the gift from a horse's mouth right? So now me and The Keeper of My heart are trying to create our own fairytale as what we think is kaffah in Islamic's ways. We are still far from H.E.A aka Happily Ever After...since i believe it will come when we have passed Mashyar's Desert....after we die. So bismillahirohmanirrohim....insyaAllah Allah Ya Rabb guide, bless and protect us in our marriage and always protect our family on His Path amien. I am creating our own fairytale my lovelies....now go and build your fairytale in the most kaffah ways....and i pray Allah Ya Rabb will lead you the way also, amien.