I and i

If you are a kind of person who pays attention toward diction you might raise your eyebrows for the way i am writing in this blog, actually in daily basis i also write like these lol. And somehow i have a small little hope that someone or some readers might be brave enough to ask my reason in foregoing all the diction rules in writing sheeesh *borrowing Frankie's expression, back to my topic. I write this blog as a way of running away from any censorship by showing or sharing my way of thinking. Everything is with a special reason from me. Though it sounds so full of myself in stating what i am thinking and belief, but i beg you differ, this is my secluded place of myself to be me, nee. Without feeling worry to be censored, reprimanded, or even mocked by my acquaintances or friends or family or even foes lol.

But honestly i do have a lil tinny bit of hope someone will ask or even dare to talk bout my diction, and finally last night someone that is dear to me *i dont mention who incase it will create un-easiness* said that the way i write my - i - is somehow maybe referring to my way of thinking bout myself, maybe? Though he does capture my way of writing not from the blog but from our daily emails. And how right it is. Though it is not 100% right. I write it that way because in myself i disagree how English put i in a capital way, while in Javanesse we must put others in a highlight of importance in the way of addressing or writing. Besides that i never feel that i am important enough to be put in a capital. Well yes i got a thought to be thought that i cant mix the Javanesse essence's way of speaking and writing with English. Its not like nasi campur - mix rice one of my fav food. Its a big no no to mix those 2 cultures lol. Well at least i know that one of my readers is paying attention enough to correct me and put me in the place. I hope others are willing to do the same......

nee

more or less this is how you can imagine Nasi Campur - mixed rice with some side dishes though i only choose this simple things on my plate.

Green Is Nee

Hi i am nee....i am addicted with green colors

Merkunyik

Here is the cat that has been capturing my heart on his lovely paws for some months. Yes Lovies....You are right. He is a cat, but do not get it wrong. Merkunyik is a tough cat. This stray cat came in front of my boarding room's door one day. He came with all his scratches, wounds and bruises that were taken from his personal wars. Yes, living in the street is a tough world, but he makes it folks. He is a survival. He came in his limped state, thin and coarse furs. And suddenly i fall in love with him. He brightens up my days.....i think now i do experience by myself that having a pet especially for a single person or sick people will lengthened their ages and reduce their stress. It is true alhamdulillah....*saying like a great testimonial person in ad*

Unfortunately, my love to him is not followed by his feelings. Yes he is coming to my sister and me for meals, but never for cuddles huwaaaaaa *picturing lil ole nee cries please* he doesnt want to be cuddle. He likes our touches but not so much. Maybe it is related to his manly vigor or whatever *rolling the eyes* Then 2 days ago we were soooo surprised, he came to our door, did not want to go out and slept for 15 whole minutes on our place *dancing for a victory* so these are his poses. So humiliating for his manly vigor, but at least i can feel relax since he cant open this blog. For i have not invited him yet lol.....

My Oh.....My

Tonight was started in a very nice event. I met my ex workmates in a social chatroom that is quite famous nowadays in Indonesia. Everybody who is someone will have it on their gadgets. It is like "a must have" list. Do noted here i do not infuse a sarcasm due to my action in having this lil thing that i mentioned above lol. Am i being a double standard person??? Definitely yes lovies, i am hehe at least in this case, that case, those cases hahaha now you catch me red handed.

Back to the topic then i realize how often we have these emptiness inside after such a great time just because you finaly know that for your short happiness you have hurt others? For the so called nice time you were eating your brothers/sisters' meat - ghibah? Subhanallah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah astaghfirullah....as much as i love the silaturrohmi now i am questioning myself. Why i did those horrible things whenever the chances arise? Why cant i be the sound of wisdom in the dire of needs? Why i am so lame while i am not a novice on these kind of occasions? Why Ya Allah Ya Rabb the taste leaves bitter one on me now? Ya Rabb The Lord of the Merciful, forgive us, forgive them and forgive me. I am lost in this battle.

A Thought To Be Shared

I got a snippet from my dear one bout his upload in one  of his blogs. And this thought is something that maybe many people do not realize it, including me. Or maybe you know it but never thought it. Whatever it is without any ado....if you read my blog it means you will also like this one. A new knowledge is always good lovies....so read it http://qalandar-haqqali.blogspot.com/2012/12/no-sunni-no-shia-just-muslim-some.html

You

You said we have to come to You in our needs

But i am too stubborn to heed it

You said we will be granted everything within our right

But i ignore it too

You said we must believe on Your plans

And i do believe in them

You said the path that You gave might be difficult

And i do believe in them too

But why my mouth, feet, brain and heart are so "arrogant" in following those?

Why cant i be such a whining clingy soul toward You?

Were there some differences among us that You created?

Am i not "those perfect" objects that are including the chosen one?

I want to come to You

I want to bare my shattered soul

But i am ashamed Duh Gusti....i am ashamed

My souls and heart are only full of this world's problems

I am ashamed My Rabb.....astaghfirullah i am ashamed for being shattered because of mundane things 

How Do I Love Thee

Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)
from Sonnets from the Portuguese
                    XLIII

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

http://www.potw.org/archive/potw218.html

Who do you think "thee" in here? When i was a student in Poetry 1 up to 4, i always felt so warm and tingle every time i read it since i was thinking it was purely a love poem. But now i rethink it over, esp if we read her bio, the way she devoted her life in literature, religion and her family. Go check on the link http://www.potw.org/archive/potw218.html there you can find what i mean here. So different is our mind when we were still young and when we are getting older is. It might be wrong what i think now....she is the one who knows well what is it....100%.