These are my rants, thoughts, and worms inside of my strawberries' brain. Do enjoy it if you love ranters like nee, drop it if it is not so important :p thank you luuuuuv.
Dear.....ini aku dengan hatiku yang terbelah membuncah dengan rasa
Yang....ini aku dengan keakuanku yang menganggap hatiku adalah untukmu Honey.....bukankah hatimu adalah milikku dan hatiku adalah milikmu? Lalu dimanakah DIA berada Schatz? Dimanakah kuselipkan cinta termegahku untuk-Nya? Kamupun berujar....Beib hatimu dan dirimu adalah milikku Waktu dan nafasmu untukku seorang Lalu dimana kau letakkan cinta Rabb-mu Lovie? Di kedalaman hati yang mana kan kau selipkan cinta terbesarmu untuk-Nya itu?
My last day of working in my little heaven on earth is over. The most dreading moment -saying goodbye- was over on 31st of October 4 days ago. Though it was a sad one at least it was not as gruesome like what i had picture in my head, alhamdulillah. To spare my blue and sad feeling I even stay away from my lappy for sometimes to avoid my bottle up emotions to spill out without any guidance. My giant man said that enjoying something in their own pace times are better than doing it in rush. So those were what i was doing, staying in my lair while licking my wounds of my own creations.
These things are something that we as a human doesnt learn again and again. That somehow we dread something that might not be as horrifying as what we thought. I was worry over my own emotions and alhamdulillah its not as saddening as that. I was worry that if i quit from my previous job then i will be crazy like a headless chicken. Well alhamdulillah since i choose the decision because of Him, i feel fine and already get some offers in some short time jobs, subhanallah alhamdulillah.
I hope it will be another learning process for me and hopefully for you to my lovelies. Life is not as unpredictable as what we thought or as horrifying as what plan out as long as you have Him. And believe me you can change the word HIM in here as much as you want to. It can be your God, your belief, your conscious, your money, your lover or whatever and whomever. Just hold Him dear and start to be tuma'ninah* with it. For me because i am a moslem so He represents my Rabb, my Greatest Lover, my Allah the Only Being for me. One thing is for sure, do everything in life with a lot of convictions and trust.....so even when the finale curtain is dropping down, you are still standing still and tall *starting humming Conte Partiro*
notes:
tuma'ninah - a peacefull and serene act usualy it is used to relate with a prayer act
Hi do you realise that when we cry most of us will look so blotchy, swollen, and dont forget reddish nose and skin. So why in the world most of the romance's authors from the crinoline's* era up to the short pants era still use those lines about how lovely and attractive are the heroines are in her crying stages, snifflings daintily and still can create a havoc in the heroes' hearts? Why do those authors give a false fact toward us? believe me i never see someone cries so perfectly. And especially for me, when i cry to much i lost my abilities in breathing lol. So you can imagine those 1st - 2nd lines there plus the fish's pose of opening and closing the mouth hahaha. Well the crying was happening on my last day of working in my job. And though i already said to my head, yes i do talk with my heaad sometimes though those shrubs are impossible sometimes, shouldnt apply eyeliner on my eyes, but did you think my head heeded that notion? Nooooo, it didnt. So i did my make up as usual and applied the eyeliner. So after the first crying i projected the nice pic of Panda's eyes lol. Here we go folks....the living proof of nee with a pair of panda's eyes.
So gals, please make it sure, wear only eyeliners and mascara when you are not going to cry....its embarassing enough with the blotchy and the puffy eyes without the addition of blackened eyes.
Working in a female world do have a lot of advantages especially for nee who is socially awkward if i must face male population. In my head i only divide male population into some categories; my family or mukhrim where i can be who i am and they will still be there and support me, my friends in which very small numbers because i never want to close with male friends to avoid fitnah and complications, the men who love me in which luckily are not so many so i can feel comfort, and the last is the baaaaaad guys the one who are prejudice, shallow, rich, handsome, and mostly hate a woman like me lol. I dont know in every chance i will meet this last kind of men. Maybe because my characters are inviting troubles like a moth to the light lol. But definitely for the last one i am always so warry and afraid. Mayhap due to these warries somehow i choose a job that can lead me into women's world only -at least in my opinion lol- to be a teacher.
This craziness in posing Chibi-chibi aka Indonesian style that adopting from Korean's famous style. Do you think we are cute enough? I think i am lol. (pic courtesy of nee lol)
And how right i am, since i got my 1st job until now my 5th jobs, my peers mostly are women though there are some of the males but they are not overpowering us, lets say it is 14:1 lol. Believe me that working with the same sex do have a lot of disadvantages but many more advantages hahaha. One of those is the joking. As you might get a grip that i love to joke. And mocking and joking to each other is one of our habits, yes i know it might be cruel to some people but believe me we do it because we love each other *scratching the head confuse to explain* ouch...just let me give you some of our extravagant news today in my office.
View from the outside of my pantry in Mandiri's Building at eve.
(pic courtesy of nee lol)
This morning as usual we were waiting for students to study or coming to the classes. We were leizuring the hot uncold AC's room in our building. Well as you know that creativity will sprout up when people are oppressed. In our case it is different, our craziness will arise when the air temperature is boiling hahaha. So suddenly one of my friends started this snippet about how our celebrities were bragging their participations in Ied Qurban by mentioning the numbers of the animals they slaughtered and how many poor souls were killed for those braggers *ups astaghfirullah nee, naughty naughty* while on the other hand there was a girl from a very poor family, living with her family in a small hut in a slum area *do imagine the bag lady's home in your area* but she planned to buy a goat for her mom. She would like to make her mom happy by joining the festive. Since she only got Rp. 500,000.00 while the price for 1 goat was Rp. 700,000.00 she haggled her way to get it by telling the truth to the farmer. Alhamdulillah the farmer is willing to sell it for that 'small' amount of money but ask for the fee of the delivery. When the time arrived to send the goat, the farmer got shock, the girl's living place is not adequate and he foregone the fee. Subhanallah....this is the fact story. After hearing this story we heard some sniffs and scrunched of tissues, mind you we are crazy but we are very much an empath *hope you trust it*
In the end yes i can say this office is just like Kawah Candradimuka, we learn everything here; jobs, profesionalism, friendship, craziness, and religions whatever is your religion. For basically religions are in our bloods and every breath we take. But somehow some of us just want to separate them with our life due to the 'burden' some of us feel.....find your God lovies whatever it is including money but be sure to be profesional with it....wallahu allam bissawab.
Dear Readers......Assallamuallaikum,
I am feeling a lil bit overwhelmed lately toward the animosity in all of you reading and dropping by here though i dont know each one of you, i do hope you are good, fine and sound in your part of the world. I do realise that i am quite active in uploading my empty rants these days. And belive me, its not because of important reasons or heroic reasons, it is because i am too nervous in facing my un-known future. Resigning from your great job with a fabulous entailments will do that somehow lol. But like i have said many times here, insyaallah i do it ikhlas and willing to take the consequences for my harsh action. But Allah will not change a destiny of someone when the person doesnt try it first right? So, resigning is the first stepping stone, handling my haywire nerves with writing here is the second, the third is travelling to Solo, the closest city of my 2nd favourite city, Yogya. Then i will insyaallah start to apply and look for a job. So do bear with my rants. It might be getting heavier or crazier depend on my emotion. Pray for me readers, as i pray for all of you to get something from reading these rants of nee. Spread out knowledge lovies.....for it will come to you in abundance.
Wassallamuallaikum
Khoda Hafiz
nee
ps this song doesnt really related to my rants, i just cite the lyric "You should be stronger than me" to boost up my spirit and fortunately this is my fav song for this week. RIP Ammy....
Have you ever fallin in love? Have you ever broken hearted? Have you ever being stabbed by someone among your trustee one *psst its not a literal meaning of stabbing lah* and if your age is already in two digits i believe you have been experienced it many times. Even when we were still in one digit age, some of us did have the misfortune in bumping up with it. Sometimes the pains and the impacts of those horrid things will follow us till we grow that in the end will only bring bitterness in our life or hatred toward others for no other reasons besides the feelings of unfairness.
I am not a shrink not even a guild member of pop prep that is quite famous lately. Since i am also bringing my own baggages that sometimes they pop up like a persistent spam emails lol. But i always imagine that my heart in this life is like a whole cheese cake. Every betrayal, hurt, broken heart, double cross experience, or other bitterness in live, will be taking a small slice of my cake. Yes my cake will be hollowed but Allah The Merciful creates us with the highest liabilty to be the khalifah-a leader among the living thing. We are created by Him with the concept of alpha male or female. We arent created to be an Omega. He doesnt plan us to be a second class creature so we have the best way to recuperate by closing the hollow in our cake. The way to do that wil be depended on your wisdom....just believe me you arent alone. We all experience it *offering my piece of cake to you*
Somehow in my journey to read a story in the internet i stumbled this writer in one of the reading-site. And i do feel up to know that my stumblin ungracefull path was so lucky. The way she writes is so amazingly touching and sensuous in which in my 38 years now i feel her stories can be my companion stories to sumberland lol. And believe me, i used to feel that any kind of stories from Mills&Boon or Paperback were enough to quench my thirst in romance genre and English enhance vocabularies. But when i found her among other authors in the site that i followed, the dynamic of stories in the site capture me till now.
I can only say that if you are a romance's lovers, needs a dose of real things without loosing the pinky cloudy frilly, then go to her blog. Four thumbs up for this lady *bowing respectfully toward Pep*
