Wedding

Attending a wedding ceremony usually is going to be a hard thing for me. Not due to the enviousness but due to the burden from the society. In my culture when you are a single woman above the normal age to get married you will be considered as; a) an ambitious woman if you are a worker, thus why you dont want to be tied down, b) a picky lady for not being able to accept any kind of men because your criteria is too high, c) all those two reasons before. Somehow these judgements will be stamped on you like a cow in the farm just because you are a single woman and your age is above the average age of married women in Indonesia. But come back to my 1st sentence in here, last Sunday i came to one of the ceremony. Just to show my respect toward the bride who is my work mate-at least until this 1st of November she is my workmate.

I came with a good idea bout how is married's party in Java. Full of rituals, full of the symbolic acts and the combination between religion, culture and the habit in the area. Most of the time the ceremonies are combination of those 3 plus the extravagant efforts from the families whether they are as the guests or the hosts. Somehow these things are not my cup of coffee. Since i always see and think marriage as a sacreed union where Allah will bless all the prayers from all the participants for the better future of the bride and the groom, in which 7 angels will witnessing the procession while giving their prayers* but somehow my way of thinkings are different from many people. They apply many rules in the wedding ceremony that i feel clouding the real essense of marriage vows.

Am i being critical, judgemental or purely just being a bi*tch? Wallahu allam bissawab....nee is a mere human right? And i also havent put myself in that situation before. Can i follow my ideal ways or will i be overruled with the same things like most people? Will i forego the haq to win the 'right' in human's world or stay on my own understandings.....que sera sera what will be will be.


Notes :

* This is the understanding that i got so far, when the groom says the oath in front of the wali, 7 doors of haven are being opened to let 7 angels down to be the witness in the exchange of the sacreed words. Do correct me if i am wrong.

11 Days Counting

Today is 20th of October....another 11 days before i take a different path from my usual path. On Thursday 1st of November my life will be turning into a pivot point, again. I will be another number of un-employment in this country. No i do not plan to be a drama queen since i am the one who decides to quit from my wonderfull job. Great friends, great students, great place to learn many new things *even today i learned about the education for children and how to understand the Government's policies esp in economy* gosh.....great place huh? I just share my knowledge in English and these lovelies pupils of us are willing to give another knowledges in return, subhanallah. We are applying the simbiosa mutualism arggggh nee with her straying mind. I do the resignation with a heavy heart for i really love teaching. I love to motivate people in learning this language, besides they say i am a crazy tutor to behold lol. But alhamdulillah i always infuse the same understanding again and again toward my students, that when you love what you do in life, insyaallah Allah will take care of you *hey only for the good deeds mind you lol* so they do not feel so uneasy in letting me go. Though somehow its me who feels broken hearted again and again in seeing them questioning my reasons. And just like a broken casseste i reply each question with knowing they do it due to their love and lost in me.....nee...un-important person who can somehow entice them within my magick hahaha. It reminds me again with some words that i have shared with my students;

"I am not your teacher, i am helping you to improve your English."

Gosh.....teary moment here *palming my face* Somehow till this night i am not sure why Allah Ya Rabb gave me the decision on our istikharoh's prayer -my sister and i- that i must quit. And i have postponed it for 9 months. 9 long months that i choose to foresake the answer due to my needs in paying my health's bills, my ego, my logic that couldnt grab how can i live without an income and so on and so forth. Subhanallah....how un-gratefull i was. I knocked His door of mercy to find the solution and i gave HIM my cold shoulder when i dont like the answer.

So last month, i brave myself in saying, i resign officially on 1st of November. And i hope i am still good enough to accept HIS blessings by getting another job to behold with a better way in the future amen.

From You

Lately i am learning many new things from this wonderful guy that i met in the site *infuse the blushing please but without the ost ya*
He is introducing many new understandings that in my strawberries brain are quite difficult to grab. Yes i know the words but the meaning are like in Mars language huwaaaa. So these are my homework;
- Meta in which it stands for metaphysic
- Being qua being
- Shiitiism
and the new one is Mut'ah a concept that previously i labelled as a prohibitated act without knowing all the reasons *palming a face for being worry as a source of bit'ah due to scrupulous petty mind* Lord The Merciful do forgive me astaghfirullah...
So its an elevation and revelation time for nee. And in my confusion time i can only hope there is someone out there willing to lent their brains for nee lol.

Wonderful Gifts

Today i met such a handsome guy. So handsome that i almost couldnt allow myself to blink my eyes. Mind you not that i am never a connosour of a beauty in men though there is always a time in my life that i just meet an awestruck man that makes me forget even my name.

Whenever i meet a dayum man like that i always remember the thing in Holly Qur'an stated that we are not supposed to look at the opposite sex due to the feelings that our eyes can create. The needs, the leers, the drools and dont forget the wish to posses lol. And how true is this suggestion for me. By seeing that handsome face and lovely physic, i almost could not stop in thinking those forbidden things lol. Like sitting on his lap so i can see his pores clearly, wipe his sweats if he feels hot, or even just admire his beautiful self nonstop. See, even after a few hours after seeing him i am still ranting out like a loco girl rotflol. This is nut.

I do realise those Holly Books basicaly were given to us for some reasons. They are not a bunch of bullsh*ts. It is just our jobs to accomodate, translate and adapt our modern life with those great wisdom words. For other people, feeling like what i said before might be a normal condition, while my needs to pay my penant afterward is quite ridiculous. Those regrets for following the baser instintcs are unbearable for nee. But it is okay, Allah did create everything in different way right? Another proof of His love to human kind since He knows how easily bored we are so He lets us "play around with our deens and lifes".

So, seeing my understanding bout this life at this moment, i can only say alhamdulillah or thanks to Allah i got a chance to see one of His beautiful creatures in my life. Another chance to feel grateful with the age that i have so i can still admire such creature, with the eyes that i own so i can enjoy the beauty of the man, and with the chance that i owned.

Missing You Here

Hi, Bebe....
Tonight i feel so lonely without you
Not that on the other days you are ever here with me
But somehow today is different

Hi, Lovie....the keeper of my heart
Are you missing me too over there?
Or you just enjoying your freedom without me next to you?
Am i that bad Bebe to be with? For it seems we are getting distant

No amount of text or phone calls can appease this feelin inside
Though no sacrifation is ever worth enough to make me loose HIM for you

Hi, Sweetie pie......the one who owns my heart
Lets rejoice these abundant loves for it might not be there when the stake is HIS' blessings
I miss you but i miss HIM more
I love you but i love HIM more
I wish to cross the line to appease these craves, but i am afraid of HIS wraths more than my needs

Hi Baby Bear......
I will let you go if my path is not the one you are looking for to put through like the ones before you

Another Day In Para-Dice

Another Day In Para-Dice

Today is Thursday 24th of May, 2012. The month of rejoice since on this month we Surabayanese celebrate The Anniversary of our city. So we can find many great events to preceed the big day on 31st of May. Too bad due to the number on the calender it is almost impossible for me to participate those events *insert a whining voice here*. Well people in here at these moments are so consumptive that one of the attraction of visiting Surabaya on this month is Surabaya Shopping Festival or SSF. An event that has been waiting for by all the hoarders, shopaholic, consumptive people, goodies grabbers or random buyers since in this month we can spend as little money as we have to get as many as we want to have.

But alas, like i have told you before, the date is quite not supporting for my expenditures. For my salary wont come till the 1st of the month. And using cards are annoyingly out of the equation because i am pledging my oath to stay away to any temptations of the magick cards. Those magick cards that can entice us into the biggest s**tty queen of shopaholic *insert sarcasm here*. While you can be sure that those lovely goodies are not going to stay too long on their beautiful racks *insert another whining here*.

So, goodbye to midnight sales, arrivideci to up 50% discount, selamat tinggal* to buy 1 get 1 free, gooooood byeeee.

In my contemplation, I do realise that my condition is experienced by many people in this awesome city. But somehow this event is always succeed in the greatest color. How come?

Surprise surprise, from the information on KOMINFO JATIM* it is stated that in this II semester, Bank of Indonesia has stated that our economic has grown for about 7 up to 7.25% in which it is lower than the growth in the same semester in the previous year that was only 7.11%. And it is lower than the previous semester in the same year. But the answer of my question for the giant purchase power among my people is laid on the data in the same site that stating the increasement number of the economic growth in my lovely city is the consumptive power of our society. No wonder as much as I see needy or poor people surround me, the consumptive power is still the highest part in playing to our growth's economic. Pathetic right? For us to say we are not able to cover our needs but we keep on purchasing the things that we might not need them. This is the real situation in our city, feels like living in para-dice.


Notes:
* KOMINFO - a site to get the valid information about East Java.
* SSF - an event to quench the needs for any shopaholics to get the best prices for the goodies.
* Selamat Tinggal - Bahasa Indonesia for goodbye.

Inspirational Teachers For My Career - Age Does Not Matter

Age Does Not Matter

Two decades ago i was such a broken kid with nothing in her hands to pursue for the future. With the death of my mother in her age of 40s, it collapsed my plan to build a future in life with her as my centre of the universe. At tender age of 12 I had to stired away the direction of my life from something into nothingness.

These gloomy stages stopped until the day I met my English's teacher. If you were from my era than you recalled clearly that English subject would be given only after a student was in 7th grade. At that time i was so awestruck with the way my teacher taught us. I felt the hollow inside my heart was started to be filled in with a reason to go on with life. That Allah had given me another purpose in life by learning something that in the end would help me in freeing the bars inside myself.

That was the first eyes' opener experience that I got by learning English with *Ibu Cantik. I had to write her name that way because of my short memory's problem. My brain gets mix up easily about faces, names or numbers. But i could tell you all about her. Ibu Cantik who was my saviour in need.

Ibu Cantik was such a prim and proper lady. She exhibited the meaning of dress for success till the end. Maybe that was one of my reasons to respect her besides her ways in teaching. She never underestimated us for not knowing the new things or new vocabularies, though she might loose her patient when we did not submit the assignment without good reason. She gave us the reasons to love this foreign language from her love toward it. Somehow it shown clearly whenever she spoke in front of the class. She was always in time to teach us. No matter it was rain or dry, she would be there to teach us with her regal pose.

At that time I just went gaga with her antics attire; stood in front of the class every single day with a long sleeve button up white starch blouse tucked inside her long skirt. With her straight posture supported by a pair of ankle boots and a twist hair accompanied her appearance, I felt like coming to the stage of *Little House in The Praire movie's set.

And if you thought her appearance would make the naughtiest student wet their pants, it was not wrong. She did give a new meaning of discipline and punctuality. But somehow her antics and straight forward ways in teaching gave me a new hope to be like her. Maybe not in the appearance or teaching, but in the way she gave me new purpose, hope and reason to fight for my future. I wanted to give a purpose for students or people in learning English.

In her senior age, Ibu Cantik was succeed in transfering her positive energies toward a young teen like me. In her profesional ways she gave us her students some insights in life about working with your heart is equal with profesionalism.

Now after some years I learned and made people love English, I felt that my debts to her might not be ble to be with anything. I owed her a lot for my life now. Allah The Merciful did give me a second chance in life to meet an inspirational person like her. Unfortunately my Junior High school now was closed and to trace her whereabouts was a little bit difficult. Though it was not impossible.

And after some times dealing with my profesion, I experienced a stale stage with my amanah. Luckily I met Qq. A young woman from Jombang who gave me a lot of lessons in life as much as someone within my age could give. Qq was a daughter of florist in one of traditional markets in Jombang. With the up and down situation in the market, and 4 siblings including her to support, it was almost impossible to gain everything easily. Thus why she groveled and struggled to get all the scholarship in studying in UNESA while she was working subhanallah.

I met her when she was still in UNESA. She took her lessons there while working herself in the same LBB that i worked with when i took my profesional's hiatus from working in famous English Institution. Qq's beauty might not be as sophisticated lady in appearance like Ibu Cantik, at that time. But they do have a lot of things in common. They love what they do. And they do anything for it. She oozes the willingness to share and cleverness in abundance. So we stick together until now.


For now I just try as much as I could to spread her love toward English and encourage people to love it also. Since with this language i feel free to explore my pains, happiness and dreams though those things might be taboo in Bahasa or in Javanese language.

Notes :
* Ibu Cantik - A beautiful lady
* Little Housse on the Praire - a TV's series by Michael Landon and melissa Gilbert. Its about an American's family life in the 1870s - 1880s.