It is 1.36 am in my part of the bed where i sleep on with my zoo's entaurage. I just woke up due to a nightmare. Yeah....yeah a nightmare, mimpi buruk, ngimpi elek or whatever is the words in different languages.
My eyes are still sleepy, my breath is soooo fast, my body is not sychronise yet, my hearth is palpitating in its small cave and i even dunno what did i dream off. Though i am trying to dare myself to go to sleep again, i still couldnt do it. At least not yet.
I remember when i was a kid, my mamah will tell me nicely "Mbak* turn over your pillow, it will make whatever is your nightmare will not bother you again." In my simple understanding at that time, yes, offcourse the dark side in the dream will not be able to come since they were squished down under my head and pillows lol. So i could sleep nicely till morning comes. But now, when i am adult, that mind has no merit anymore. It lacks of meaning. As much as i squish and turn the pilllows, the dark will come engulfing me as soon as i close my eyes. Especialy if i dont start my sleep with a prayer.....a simple prayer to the Almighty to cleanse my soul for the day. Mind you, nee is not an angel, so i need to do some repents to purify my evilness.
Writer Notes:
* Mbak - is a Javanese way to call some female older than us or just the way to respect a woman. Though in the story its just purely endearment from a mother to her daughter.
Saturday, 5 February 2011
Wednesday, 2 February 2011
Bistet
When i was a kid, there was a famous comic's strips, NINA, for girls that i looooove to read. It's an adventure series story bout a young girl. In one of the series, they draw such a beautiful cat with a lovely name, Bistet. It's explained that the name is taken from a goddess name. Her name is so unforgetable. And her appearance is so regal. And i do kinda freakie freak bout all cute and cuddlesome things, animals, stuff dolls, men...euuuuuy lol. No, seriously, i fall in love easily to any animal with big brown eyes with some characters in it, nice and flufy furs, wet and cute as a button nose or snout......OMG i will be so putty on their hands.
Till today, the name of Bistet has been haunted me for hmmmm, around 26 years, and no cat or any animal can get the name of it.
The name is too regal for just a mere cat that i ever had or even will have someday.
Somehow in my spare time, i am picturing my own Bistet with the one that i saw in the comic's strip. And it never comes enough pheew. So its true, a name is representing yourself.
Oh Bistet....i do hope someday i can find a cat of my own that will be suitable for the name. Though i do have a doubt since i have a strong opinion that a pet will immitate the owner from the appearances, characters, and even their facials. So, it will be imposible for nee to have a regal and calm cat as the name of Bistet rings those traits clear and loud hiks hiks....mine will be so cute, chubby and silly huwaaaa huwaaaa.
Huffh but at least i still can dream to have my own Bistet, a soft and noble cat pusssss....meong.....purrrrrrr.
Till today, the name of Bistet has been haunted me for hmmmm, around 26 years, and no cat or any animal can get the name of it.
The name is too regal for just a mere cat that i ever had or even will have someday.
Somehow in my spare time, i am picturing my own Bistet with the one that i saw in the comic's strip. And it never comes enough pheew. So its true, a name is representing yourself.
Oh Bistet....i do hope someday i can find a cat of my own that will be suitable for the name. Though i do have a doubt since i have a strong opinion that a pet will immitate the owner from the appearances, characters, and even their facials. So, it will be imposible for nee to have a regal and calm cat as the name of Bistet rings those traits clear and loud hiks hiks....mine will be so cute, chubby and silly huwaaaa huwaaaa.
Huffh but at least i still can dream to have my own Bistet, a soft and noble cat pusssss....meong.....purrrrrrr.
Tuesday, 1 February 2011
Gimme Gimme
Dont think it's a biggie, when it's only a pinkie.
But because it's a pinkie, it doesnt mean you can wiggle.
Though i am still sure, the pinkie can be such a biggie.
As long as i wont let it goes freakie, i will be at ease.
Let's keep the balance babie....keep it on balance.
But because it's a pinkie, it doesnt mean you can wiggle.
Though i am still sure, the pinkie can be such a biggie.
As long as i wont let it goes freakie, i will be at ease.
Let's keep the balance babie....keep it on balance.
Monday, 31 January 2011
Emotions
Emotions are so unpredictable things. They can make human putty in their hands without allowing their humanity, wisdom's traits, and all the goody goody ones that usualy entail in human as the best creature of the universe.
In those glance moments, we are no different than any kindergarten student who doesnt know how to differentiate A to Z. But like any other super Heroes. We are also prone to our weakness. And the effects are so dire. Since in those swift moments, we are going to depend on our Id, Ego and Superego (*read theories of Psychoanalysis in Freudian theory).
And sometimes, from those very short events, people will decree our characters. As unfair as it is, but thats us. Human. We do judge each others harshly, Homo Homoni Lupus, people eats people. Well i am not a Freudian and definitely i am also not a sociologist, i am just seeing the spectrums in this world from my own corner. The lil tinny greenery corner of the world. But what i see so far, including my own self experience, emotions are the anomalies in our self. The x type in this universe.
And seeing people who control their emotions to be so plain, is a luxurious treat for me. Since i almost never see it.
Sometimes i even text my BFF and asking them to lemme know the locations of any ATM places for withdrawing patient. Because i think, patient is one of my lack in life. At least if i have more, it will be better he he he.
I mean i dont want to be un-able too control my own self huh? And let other people to say "Gooose Frabaaaaa" like the famous line in Anger Management.
In those glance moments, we are no different than any kindergarten student who doesnt know how to differentiate A to Z. But like any other super Heroes. We are also prone to our weakness. And the effects are so dire. Since in those swift moments, we are going to depend on our Id, Ego and Superego (*read theories of Psychoanalysis in Freudian theory).
And sometimes, from those very short events, people will decree our characters. As unfair as it is, but thats us. Human. We do judge each others harshly, Homo Homoni Lupus, people eats people. Well i am not a Freudian and definitely i am also not a sociologist, i am just seeing the spectrums in this world from my own corner. The lil tinny greenery corner of the world. But what i see so far, including my own self experience, emotions are the anomalies in our self. The x type in this universe.
And seeing people who control their emotions to be so plain, is a luxurious treat for me. Since i almost never see it.
Sometimes i even text my BFF and asking them to lemme know the locations of any ATM places for withdrawing patient. Because i think, patient is one of my lack in life. At least if i have more, it will be better he he he.
I mean i dont want to be un-able too control my own self huh? And let other people to say "Gooose Frabaaaaa" like the famous line in Anger Management.
Friday, 28 January 2011
My Kinda Man
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| http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/73/Shrekcharacter.jpg My Green Man |
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| http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/56/Obelix1.png My Menhir Man |
When someone ask me bout my Prince Charming's criterias, i will rebuke them by a statement like, "All the good men are taken or gay!" but actualy like any red blooded woman on this earth, i do have my own dream man to be dreamed to have. He should be so tall to tower me, with a nice timbre voice, big burly hands, two pointed ears and green skin......euuuuy thats SHREEEEEEEK! Zap it of....its not right, he must be tall and big so he can protect me from the sun and rain, with two cuttie pie of braids, nice smile and a rough and rumbling voice.....sheeeesh that will be OBELIX. Well seriously beibahs..i am a normal girl, with a dream of my wedding that i want to have someday and a kind of man to take my hands for eternity till death do us part. But like all kind of dreams, it's only happening when i am asleep, in which lately the hibernation that i realy loveee has been voted by many people surround me as the most degrading activity found after giving a candy to kiddy without their parents' consents.
But basicaly, whatever are my criterias, if you are my man, then you are the one. You are Baby....the man that has all those criterias that i long for, besides, Jose Morinho, George Clooney, Sean Connery, Etc hehehehe. Love to love you Baby.
I Miss You
Have you ever felt missing, longing, moaning of a presence and a thing in your life? Something that feels like wrecking your gut out into pieces when whatever you are longing for is not there to be reached about? That next breathe is almost impossible to be done without a help from a breathing's mask? Or you are comparing yourself like a big fatty fish ....ups thats me lol, stranded on the ground, without any sight of water surround it.
Those feelings that just simplifying nee as an addicted, a gal in a limbo. A stage that noone, i repeat, no one in their right mind is willing to be put in it. But its happening now.
The gut wrenching experience, that i cant withhold inside myself. That my emotions inside are trying to conquer my human existency. Ya Allah....it's hard. Even crying for a help wont bring any solution. I am doomed to face it alone...lonely in solitude.
As much as i try to open my soul and deepest side, no one can understand and able to accept it.
Ya Allah....give mercy......i just miss, want, crave to drink tutu huwaaaa huwaaaaaaa.
Those feelings that just simplifying nee as an addicted, a gal in a limbo. A stage that noone, i repeat, no one in their right mind is willing to be put in it. But its happening now.
The gut wrenching experience, that i cant withhold inside myself. That my emotions inside are trying to conquer my human existency. Ya Allah....it's hard. Even crying for a help wont bring any solution. I am doomed to face it alone...lonely in solitude.
As much as i try to open my soul and deepest side, no one can understand and able to accept it.
Ya Allah....give mercy......i just miss, want, crave to drink tutu huwaaaa huwaaaaaaa.
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Your Love Blinds You
Many people believe that love is a bless from Allah. Well i am also those people who believe it. I even think that to love and to be loved should be put in any rules in the world, or even in the universe.
But in here, my country, something surprising comes from that beautiful feeling, love. Many people here are "blind" lol. Not the special kinds of blind, but they are blinded for any fault that their loved one do.
In the name of love a parent will sue the teacher for giving some scolds to their kid. In the name of love, a mother will not teach their children independency. In the name of love, a man will do corruptive things to heap luxurious things for his love ones. In the name of love, a granny will not allow her grandchild to walk in which will shortened the ages of our youngsters. In the name of love for life, people do any bad things for their namesakes.
Well you can argue with me, who the hell is nee, to dare oppose those high almighty people who think that they are above approach? Yes, it's true....i am nothing. But at least, when i love someone or something, i will never ever close my eyes and consciences for their mistakes. That's not love, that's hypocrecy. Love will only make people to be a better one whether they are the object or the subject of it.
So, folks....think it again, is it love that caused you to do those things? Is it not an ego, a pride, a possesive way, or just purely a way to show people that you are a loving person while infact you are a neurotic basket case one hehehehe, just like me sometime.....just some time.
But in here, my country, something surprising comes from that beautiful feeling, love. Many people here are "blind" lol. Not the special kinds of blind, but they are blinded for any fault that their loved one do.
In the name of love a parent will sue the teacher for giving some scolds to their kid. In the name of love, a mother will not teach their children independency. In the name of love, a man will do corruptive things to heap luxurious things for his love ones. In the name of love, a granny will not allow her grandchild to walk in which will shortened the ages of our youngsters. In the name of love for life, people do any bad things for their namesakes.
Well you can argue with me, who the hell is nee, to dare oppose those high almighty people who think that they are above approach? Yes, it's true....i am nothing. But at least, when i love someone or something, i will never ever close my eyes and consciences for their mistakes. That's not love, that's hypocrecy. Love will only make people to be a better one whether they are the object or the subject of it.
So, folks....think it again, is it love that caused you to do those things? Is it not an ego, a pride, a possesive way, or just purely a way to show people that you are a loving person while infact you are a neurotic basket case one hehehehe, just like me sometime.....just some time.
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